Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The Sopranos Wrapped Up in a Neat Little Bow

I watched the finale of the Sopranos again last night and I don't have a problem with the way David Chase chose to end his series. As another New Jersey guy is fond of saying, "It is what it is."

However, I understand that many fans of the show are disappointed and that they wanted closure. As a public service I will help these people out by explaining what happened to the major characters after the end of the show. Utilizing a device that worked just fine in American Graffiti, Animal House and Stripes - just picture that instead of fading to black that pictures of the major characters appeared on the screen with explanations of what they did later in life while Dust in the Wind by Kansas played as the backdrop music.

Pauly Walnuts lived to a ripe old age and continued for many years as a Capo and top earner in the family. Pauly even overcame his fear of cats and as a lonely old man used to keep over a dozen in his apartment. Pauly had few visitors as he aged. Some did not visit because of the cat smell. Others did not visit because he still kept several guns about him at all times.

Dr. Melfi quit her practice because of, in her words, "ungrateful patients." She moved to Santa Fe and opened a bed and breakfast. People in town have no trouble with her being Italian although the fact that she is from New Yawk City bothers some. Many people in town assume she is a lesbian because she never remarried. Dr. Melfi tries her best not to pass judgement on any of the guests that stay at her bed and breakfast.

Silvio partially recovered from his gunshot wounds. He fully recovered his mental faculties but was left wheelchair bound as a paraplegic. The Bada Bing was made completely wheelchair accessible to help him continue to do his job. For one three-year period Silvio became a Born Again Christian. Many of his friends and colleagues started calling him "Larry Flynt" behind his back.

Janice did not remain a widow for long. She married a wealthy land developer who lived in her neighborhood. The land developer died under mysterious circumstances and Janice was his sole heir. Janice today lives in Key West with a man half her age.

AJ Soprano today manages a Best Buy store in Northern NJ. He got the job via family connections. AJ never married although he was engaged several times. It seems he just couldn't make a big commitment to anything. AJ still lives at home although he has threatened to move out several times a year.

Meadow Soprano has been very successful in her law practice and currently sits on the New Jersey Supreme Court. In her personal life, however, Meadow has been divorced three times. Her therapist says she has "father figure" issues.


Carmela Soprano has continued to try and be the best mother possible while at the same time she has tried to be a supportive figure to her husband Tony. Over time Carmela's biggest disappointment has changed from how Tony makes his money and the sins he's committed to the fact that Carmela never had a third child. In fact the more trouble her two children face in their adult life - the more Carmela regrets not having a third child.

Tony Soprano survived for several more years. His health deteriorated due to his great weight, the constant stress he lived under and a growing addiction to black market Viagra. Tony suffered both a small heart attack and a small stroke but the end came for him when he drown in his backyard pool. Tony was in the pool feeding a family of ducks bread but became angry when one of the ducks crapped in the pool. Tony splashed water at the ducks who then flew off. Tony had a panic attack and drown because he thought he had driven off the ducks for good.

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