Monday, July 06, 2015

Pissing Contests

Have you ever heard someone use the phrase, "I don't want to get in a pissing contest over this"? Have you ever stopped to think about what that really means? 
  
Now I've been in both literal and metaphorical pissing contests so let me wax on / wax off for a moment. 
  
Real pissing contests usually coincided with drinking lots of beers with my friends. Not sure if it is a competitive survival thing or if it's a nature's clock syncing up type of thing (like girls who live together all getting their periods at the same time)  but next time you are out with the buds wait for a lull in the drinking and then go to raise your glass - almost guaranteed your friends will also lift their glasses too. Also notice that when a friend gets up to go pee - many times you will suddenly realize that you have to pee too. What does this have to do with pissing contests? Nothing - but this is a rant and rants have tangents. 
  
Whether you are out in the woods or crossing swords in a men's room - pissing contests are won by the guy who pisses the longest (as opposed to writing your name in the snow contests which are won by the guy with the shortest name). The key to winning a pissing contest is to relax and be sure not to exert any un-needed pressure. 
  
The same is true in metaphorical pissing contests (especially on the Internet). Relax - let the other guy blow a hole in his helmut. Don't apply too much pressure - people reading or hearing your comments will be impressed by how cool and calm you are. Your opponent will conversely develop a brain clot. 
  
End of Rant - Yankees Suck 

2 comments:

  1. On a related note, Jeter sucks A-Rod and Posada is a bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah but doesn't that go without saying? It's like declaring "water is wet".

    ReplyDelete