Happy 230th Marines

Today is the 230th birthday for the United States Marine Corps.



In honor of the great contribution the Marines have made to this country - please spend some time today reading about Marine heros who have won the Congressional Medal of Honor (our nations' highest award).

Also in honor of the Marines - here's my favorite Ronald Reagan quote:

Some people live their entire lifetime and wonder if they ever made a difference to the world. Marines don't have that problem. -- January 1995

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts from out here in Sothern California.

I'm in San Diego and its raining. Its not supposed to rain in San Diego while I'm out here... Across the bottom of my TV screen I saw that Vitali Klitschko announced his retirement. My first thought was "Doesn't he play center for the Cleveland Cavaliers?" My second thought was "Really - he was the heavyweight champion?" Gone are the days of Ali, Holmes, Frazier, Louis and Marciano.... The Hooters out here advertises that they have clams and oysters inside. I may be childish but I'm amused by that. It would be even more perfect if they advertised clams and tacos... Steven Den Beste talks about the riots in France petering out in part due to attrition caused by the police arresting some of the rioters. While I agree with that assessment - I also have to laugh at the TV reports that show the number of cars being burned per night is decreasing. The TV commenters say this is evidence that the riots are losing steam. I see it as evidence that the rioters are just running out of cars to burn... Terrell Owens has been technically suspended for "conduct detrimental to the team". Hasn't there been enough evidence by now that any player who picks Drew Rosenhaus as his agent is by that very act engaging in "conduct detrimental to the team"?... I find it funny to go into a Hooters and see little kids. Hooters is not a family restaurant... Cigars in CA are taxed too high to enjoy. For example in Massachusetts a Cohiba would cost about $10. In California that same cigar is $20...

The Curse of the Simpsons

Travelng out in San Diego - so really won't have a chance to post. I didn't want to leave you hanging - so here is one of my favorite pieces from my archives:

Hello, my name is Bob Ley and welcome to Outside the Lines. Tonight we look at what is being called “the Curse of the Simpsons.”

On February 20, 1992 the Simpsons’ episode “Homer at the Bat” aired and featured some of baseball’s brightest stars but the question now comes up – what did these stars have to do in order to be on the show and what price did they pay for that momentary bit of extra fame?

According to the Official Simpsons Website the episode’s plot was the following:

Mr. Burns makes a million dollar bet with his arch-rival Aristotle Amadopolis that the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant team will beat the Shelbyville Nuclear Power Plant team in the softball championships. To ensure victory, Burns hires a number of ringers, including pro baseball players Darryl Strawberry, Ken Griffey, Jr., Steve Sax, Roger Clemens, Jose Canseco, Don Mattingly, Ozzie Smith, Wade Boggs and Mike Scioscia to replace the plant employees he cut from the team. But as game day approaches, the pros all succumb to various strange ailments and accidents that prevent them from playing and it's up to Homer and his teammates to beat the Shelbyville team. With bases loaded and the score tied in the ninth inning, Homer is sent to bat and wins the game when the pitch hits him in the head and accidentally scores a homer."

Most of the stars were at the top of their game before agreeing to appear on the show but after the show most started hitting the skids. Coincidence – Outside the Lines thinks not.

In studio we have one of the stars of the show – Homer Simpson. Homer, welcome to Outside the Lines. You get many big name stars on the show – is there any special arrangement to get these stars? What about the baseball players featured in “Homer at the Bat”?

Homer: To answer your question Kent – normally guest stars work for scale to be on our show because it is such a status symbol to be on the Simpsons. However, in this case the boss wanted something extra.

Who is your boss? What was the something extra required of the baseball players?

Homer: Well I report directly to Satan or as we like to call him – Ned. In order to be on the show the baseball players had to sign over their souls. You know standard stuff.

Wait a second are you saying that Ned Flanders is Satan and that the baseball players had to sign over their souls to be on the show?

Homer: Yep. You deaf or something? All the players really wanted to be on the show and Ned made them pay.

Darryl Strawberry?

Homer: Hmmmmmm strawberries……….Oops – sorry. I felt bad about Straw. He was such a good kid before he came on the show. I’m afraid we introduced him to a little too much of the Hollywood lifestyle. You know constant drugs and hookers. I guess it made quite the impression on him.

Ken Griffey Jr.?

Homer: Yep. Satan is still screwing with him. I guess Griffey has become sort of a hobby for Ned.

Steve Sax?

Homer: Oh boy! That was a good one. You know the throws to first were my idea.

Jose Canseco?

Homer: Do you even have to ask on that one? The guy slept with Madonna. I guess he figured he was doomed anyway.

Don Mattingly?

Homer: You know Don started off as a really nice guy but working for so long with Steinbrenner just sorta wore him down. I still remember watching Mattingly’s last game on the set of the Simpsons. Ned comes over - sees Don on the TV and says, “Next year the Yankees win the World Series" and then he starts with that laugh of his.

Mike Scioscia?

Homer: Well Mike was sorta of a charity case. He sold his soul to get into the major leagues.

Wade Boggs? You can't say Wade Boggs sold his soul - I mean he was just elected to the Hall of Fame.

Homer: Actually Wade Boggs was the only one that wasn’t asked to sign away his soul. If you remember - in the show Wade gets beat up by Barney Gumble. Ned had Wade Boggs on as a favor to all the cast. We all wanted to beat him up but Barney won the lottery.

Wait a minute Homer. What about Ozzie Smith? I grant you all the other stars did seem to rapidly dim after being on the show but Ozzie was also voted into the Hall of Fame. You can’t ask us to believe that Ozzie sold his soul.

Homer: Well - you know how we all thought it kinda funny to portray Ned as the devil knowing full well that he really was the devil. Who knew that Ozzie really was a Wizard? The Wizard of Oz! We all thought it was just something people called him. That summersault he does before all his games is really a kind of counter curse you know.

Roger Clemens has over 300 wins and has won multiple Cy Young Awards. Surely he didn’t sign his soul away.

Homer: Roger was the first to sign. That guy is as dumb as a post. The funny thing is that by signing with Toronto – Clemens proved that he didn’t have a soul so the deal was null and void.

Please hold on just a second. I understand from our producers that joining us via a telephone hook-up is Ned Flanders. Mr. Flanders on this show tonight Homer Simpson has alleged that you are in fact the devil and that in 1992 you required a number of all-star baseball players to sign away their souls in order to be on the show the Simpsons. Can you comment on this?

Ned Flanders (aka Satan): Okily dokily Bob-arino. All that Homer said is as right as rain. Baseball players are some of my best customers next to SportsCenter anchors of course but you know I wasn’t going to take their souls until my boss insisted.

Your boss? Who would that be?

Ned Flanders (aka Satan): James L. Brooks of course.

Well that makes sense. I’m Bob Ley and this has been Outside the Lines. Please join us tomorrow night when our topic will be “Are we ready for an openly gay football mascot?”

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

Traveling out to the West Coast today. I flew out of Providence and happened to see a number of people decked out in Indianapolis Colts shirts and jerseys. My first impulse was to blurt out, “You suck!” but after careful introspection I realized that in my life I have witnessed 3 Super Bowl victories by the Patriots, 3 NBA championships by the Celtics, a World Series win by the Red Sox plus UMass winning the 1-AA NCAA championship in football and Harvard, Boston University and Boston College all winning national championships in hockey. The folks from Indiana have only one or two Indiana basketball championships to warm their memories. That’s all. It would be small of me to begrudge them this victory (then again I’m a big believer in always trusting you first impulse)… Color me naïve but as I finish the fine book Will in the World by Stephen Greenblatt on the life and times of Shakespeare I was surprised to learn that the sonnet lines starting with “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” were not written about a woman but about an 18-year old guy. I heartily recommend the book by the way. I’m fond of history and have been surprised at almost every turn by the scholarship of Greenblatt… My left Achilles heel is sore and I don’t know why. It is so sore that on more than one occasion I have been tempted to corrupt the line from Jim Morrison “I eat more chicken any man ever seen” by shouting out “I eat more Ibuprophen any man ever seen”…

The French Riots and the CIA

Given the fact that France has been in a constant state of riot for nearly half a month - I found this description of France from the CIA World Handbook well - funny (emphasis added):

Although ultimately a victor in World Wars I and II, France suffered extensive losses in its empire, wealth, manpower, and rank as a dominant nation-state. Nevertheless, France today is one of the most modern countries in the world and is a leader among European nations. Since 1958, it has constructed a presidential democracy resistant to the instabilities experienced in earlier parliamentary democracies. In recent years, its reconciliation and cooperation with Germany have proved central to the economic integration of Europe, including the introduction of a common exchange currency, the euro, in January 1999. At present, France is at the forefront of efforts to develop the EU's military capabilities to supplement progress toward an EU foreign policy.

Excuse me but wouldn't 13 straight nights (and counting) of riots throughout France constitute instability? Wouldn't you have to go back to the French Revolution to find that many riots in France? France is proving as resistant to instability as I am to cold free beer.

French military capabilities? Someone at the CIA had to have snuck this in as a joke. Yeah the French have a really capable military (as long as Green Peace is the opponent).

I also found it interesting that in a country of 60 million people that the CIA is able to nail their estimate for the number of Muslims in France down to 5-10% of the population. That means the CIA can be off by as many as 3 million Muslims. Nice accurate accounting from the folks in Langley.

Oh and don't say that maybe the report is just dated. The last update to the information was made on November 1, 2005 (that would have been day 6 of the riots).

I have to say that if the public information from the CIA World Handbook is any illustration of the quality of the CIA information in general then our intelligence community is in real trouble. Where's Jack Ryan when you need him?

Patriots vs Colts

The Patriots had their hats handed to them last night. Here are my five key observations from the game:

1. First and foremost - the Colts were the much better team last night. They were better on offense, they were better on defense and they were better on special teams. They were just better.

2. The Colts receivers were the biggest difference. I can't tell you how frustrated I was seeing passes go through the hands or off the shoulder pads of Patriot receivers. I can only imagine how frustrating it was for Tom Brady. Conversley, I can't recall a Colts receiver missing a catchable ball.

3. The Colts running game was huge. They outagined the Pats on the ground 132 to 34. Hopefully Corey Dillion will be healthier and perform better come playoff time. Strange as it may sound - for the Patriots to beat the Colts they will have to force Manning to pass.

4. The Patriot's turnover hurt much more than the Colts turnover. The Colts were able to turn the Dillion's fumble into a score that broke open the game (21-7) while Manning's interception only led to Dillion's fumble.

5. This was the Super Bowl for the Colts. No matter how much they try to say this was only a regular season game - we all know better.

Pete Rose Jr. Facing Drug Charges

It must have been tough to grow up as Pete Rose Jr. It will probably be twice as tough in prison.

DEA officials said Rose could be sentenced to a maximum of 20 years in prison for his alleged role in a conspiracy to distribute gamma-butyrolactone (GBL) to minor league professional players.

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't GHB also known as a date-rape drug?

Once taken orally, GBL is converted in the body to a different drug, gamma-hydroxybutyric acid (GHB). The DEA said GBL is a precursor ingredient and component in the manufacture of GHB.

Murfreesboro? The center of GHB production in the US? That reminds me about the story of how 90% of the acid in the US was from a small lab in the middle-of-nowhere Kansas.

The DEA said Rose's alleged involvement with GBL became known during an investigation that dates back to 1999. In January 2004 federal agents seized approximately 280 gallons of GBL from a storage unit in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. After some investigation, the DEA alleged a resident of that town, Bruce Michael Wayne, was a major nationwide distributor of GBL. He pleaded guilty to conspiracy to distribute GBL but failed to show up at sentencing.

Bruce Wayne? The Bruce Wayne? Batman making date-rape drugs? Growing up as Pete Rose Jr. must have been tough but growing up as Bruce Wayne must have been equally difficult. Am I the only one who double checked the story to see if it was written by Clark Kent?

Top 5 - NL Rookie of the Year

Here's my final picks for this year's NL Rookie of the Year.

1. Ryan Howard Phillies
2. Willy Taveras Astros
3. Garrett Atkins Rockies
4. Jeff Francouer Braves
5. Zach Duke Pirates

MMQB Review

Here are the five things I think I think about today's Monday Morning Quarterback by peter King:

1. King says there is only one person to blame for the mess in Philly - "That idiot Terrell Owens." I agree 100%.

2. Dick Vermeil is named as King's coach of the week and I concur. That was a balls of steel move by Vermeil - going for the game-winning TD instead of the game-tying field goal.

3. I diagree here:

For everyone who saw me driving like a crazy banshee Saturday afternoon down the Baltimore Washington Parkway (very nice road, by the way, but it's no Merritt Parkway, for all you East-Coastophiles), I will admit that I violated the law by driving 30 miles over the speed limit and using the breakdown lane for about three miles.

I think the Baltimore Washington Parkway is nicer than the Merritt.

4. WTF?

Wonder how much that weird sock combo will cost Clinton Portis. Did you see those things? One leg was adorned with something Mary Beth would wear on a cold winter night up at Colgate. Same maroon and white colors. I'm guessing $2,500. This isn't his first rodeo, if you know what I mean.

Actually Peter I have no idea what you mean. Not his first rodeo? WTF?

5. In regards to tonight's Patriots / Colts game King had this nugget:

The Colts have a two-game lead over several teams and a three-game lead over New England for home-field advantage in the AFC playoffs. In an interview I did with Tony Dungy for this week's SI, he told me something I considered highly insightful -- that this game is a must-win for the Patriots in the standings, and a must-win for the Colts from a mental standpoint.''

What King considered "highly insightful" (emphasis added) is the same thing talk show callers have been saying for weeks. Yeesh! The mush Peter King also picked the Colts to win and that almost guarantees a Patriot vctory.

Defending Nomar

David Gassko has a piece on Nomar Garciaparra today at The Hardball Times (I was sorely empted to call it a hit piece). The piece was slanted to make it seem Nomar is through and nobody in Boston loves him anymore. That is BS.

It is fitting that on the day Cam Neeley will be honored by the Hockey Hall of Fame that Nomar becomes a topic of conversation. It is fitting because the two players lived parallel lives. Both were Boston icons, both were among the most charitable athletes this town has ever seen and both were slowed in their primes by freakish injuries (Neeley's thigh and Nomar's wrist). Neeley was the prototypical power foward while Nomar was the prototypical power shortstop. The difference between the two players is the fact that the Bruins were loyal to Neeley while the Red Sox front office employed the sort of leak and smear campaign against Nomar that just made Theo Epstein leave in utter frustration.

Yes Nomar's been hurt the past couple of years and yes his skills have diminushed but if you asked Boston fans who they would rather have at short - Reteria or Nomar - the results would probably be 99% to 1% in Nomar's favor. Same question but Jeter vs. Nomar and the results among Boston fans is probably 80% to 20% in Nomar's favor.

Last season Nomar again had a freakish injury. This time a torn groin muscle. Yet Nomar still managed a .772 OPS and 9 HR (a HR every 25.6 AB). Between them - Bill Mueller and Edgar Renteria only doubled his HR output but they did it in almost five times the at bats. If given a full season then I'm confident that Nomar's numbers place him in the top 5 for all statistical catagories among MLB shortstops (right up there with the Tejada's, the Michael Young's and the rest).

Nomar is down but he's not out. Nomar and Furcal still have the best arms at shortstop and nobody (and I mean nobody) runs the bases better than Nomar. As Kenny Stabler would say "Glassko is throwing Nomar out when he ain't done pissin'".

Morning Links

Some morning links for your purusal.

- Terrorists or pirates? Either way I wouldn't book that trip.

- A good "what to look for" preview of tonight's Patriots / Colts game

- Cam Neeley - Hall of Famer

- I think it would be fair to say that I hate Al Franken

- Hot lesbian cheerleader sex!

Football Picks

I was 0-6 in my NFL picks yesterday. Not many guys would advertise that fact but I try to be honest with you guys.

For what its worth - I like the Patriots +4 tonight.

Inside ESPN

Inside ESPN Something Awful style.

Why is Paris Burning?

Steven Den Beste offers several theories.

How long will this go on for? Will it peter out, or expand into a fullscale conflagration? If anyone claims to have the answer to that question, you can be sure they're lying. All we can really do is wait and see.

Things to watch for: the first policeman killed by gunfire, the first rioter killed by gunfire, the first use of French army units in the cités, the first bombing, the rate at which this spreads elsewhere in France and in Europe as a whole.

Heh Heh

I thought this was pretty funny.

Top 5 - AL Rookie of the Year

Here's my final picks for this year's AL Rookie of the Year

1. Huston Street A's
2. Tadahito Iguchi White Sox
3. Gustavo Chacin Blue Jays
4. Joe Blanton A's
5. (tie) Nick Swisher A's (tie) Robinson Cano Yankees

Mark Steyn Cuts to the Heart of What is Happening in Paris

Steyn is completely on the mark with this column:

The notion that Texas neocon arrogance was responsible for frosting up trans-Atlantic relations was always preposterous, even for someone as complacent and blinkered as John Kerry. If you had millions of seething unassimilated Muslim youths in lawless suburbs ringing every major city, would you be so eager to send your troops into an Arab country fighting alongside the Americans? For half a decade, French Arabs have been carrying on a low-level intifada against synagogues, kosher butchers, Jewish schools, etc. The concern of the political class has been to prevent the spread of these attacks to targets of more, ah, general interest. They seem to have lost that battle. Unlike America's Europhiles, France's Arab street correctly identified Chirac's opposition to the Iraq war for what it was: a sign of weakness.

Glue, Toilet Seats, Raid, Explosions and Broken Ribs

By now you've probably heard about the guy who fell victim to a prankster who put glue on one of the toilet seat of a Home Depot. That story reminded me of another.

About 15-years ago, in Israel, a housewife caught the mother of all cockroaches with a dustbin. She took the cockroach into the bathroom where she tried flushing him down the toilet. But this little bugger could really swim and after multiple flushes the bug was still in the bowl. Undeterred, the housewife got a can of Raid and sprayed that cockroach with the Raid until there was no Raid left in the can. This killed the cockroach but it also caused the housewife's husband to get third degree burns and broken ribs. Let me explain.

The husband comes home from work and the first thing he does is decide to read the paper on his throne. So he's sitting there reading the paper and he decided to light up a cigarette. A minute or two later the cigarette is done so he tosses it between his legs and BOOM! (Did I mention that Raid is highly flamable?)

The broken ribs? He got those after the paramedics came and were taking him on a stretcher to the hospital to treat his burns. The husband explained what happened to him and the paramedics started laughing so hard that they dropped him on the steps - breaking his ribs in the process.

Jay Lovinger on A-Rod's Poker Propensity

I loved how Jay Lovinger opened his story:

The exclusive on the front page of today's New York Daily News -- the one about A-Rod being "warned" by the Yankees not to visit illegal poker clubs -- is Shakespearean in scope.


No, not Shakespearean as in "Hamlet" or "King Lear." Shakespearean as in "Much Ado About Nothing."

I'm not an A-Rod fan (hardly) but J-Love is right. This is a tempest in a teacup.

OK - I'll Say It!

Am I the only ne who heard about the death row prisoner escaping in Texas and in the back of my head think it was somehow a clever marketing ploy by Fox in behalf of their show Prison Break?