Alex Trebek: Welcome back to "Celebrity Jeopardy" It's been an exciting first round. That being said, let's take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has negative 16,500 dollars.
Sean Connery: Damm you and your daily doubles you brigand! One day it'll be my turn, Trebek!
Alex Trebek: Great. Calista Flockhart, with an amazing negative $58,000. Good job.
Calista Flockhart: [ quietly like all of her lines ] Thank you.
Alex Trebek: And finally, Nicholas Cage is in the lead with $8.
Nicholas Cage: You got lights, you've got cameras - bitchin' technology!
Alex Trebek: I don't know how anyone could get $8, but better luck to all of you in the next round. It's time for Double Jeopardy. Let's take a look at the board. The categories are.. Potent Potables; The Pen is Mightier.. that category is all about quotes from famous authors, so you'll all probably be more comfortable with our next category..; Shiny Objects; continuing with Opposites; Things you Shouldn't Put in Your Mouth; What Time is It?; and, finally, Months That Start With Feb. Mr. Cage you're in the lead, so let's start with you.
Nicholas Cage: Hmm.. what? Where...
Alex Trebek: Okay, Calista Flockhart, why don't you pick a category?
Calista Flockhart: Um no.. pass.
Alex Trebek: You'll pass. Very smart. Mr. Connery, why don't you pick?
Sean Connery: Ah! Well met! I'll take Months That Start With Feb, Trebek.
Alex Trebek: For how much?
Sean Connery: Suprise me, you filthy bastard!
Alex Trebek: Okay, that's completely unnecessary. Months That Start With Feb for $800. This is the only month that starts with Feb. [ Sean Connery buzzes in ] Mr. Connery?
Sean Connery: Febtober!
Alex Trebek:No. [ Calista Flockhart buzzes in ] Calista Flockhart.
Calista Flockhart: What is.. Febturday?
Alex Trebek: No.
Sean Connery: She said turd!
Alex Trebek: I hate you! The answer was February. That's the month that starts with Feb. It was last month!
Sean Connery: Aha! A trick question!
Alex Trebek: Yeah, it was a trick question, Mr. Connery. Why don't you pick a category?
Sean Connery: I've got to ask you about the Penis Mightier.
Alex Trebek: What? No. No, no, that is The Pen is Mightier.
Sean Connery: Gussy it up however you want, Trebek. What matters is does it work? Will it really mighty my penis, man?
Alex Trebek: It's not a product, Mr. Connery.
Sean Connery: Because I've ordered devices like that before - wasted a pretty penny, I don't mind telling you. And if The Penis Mightier works, I'll order a dozen.
Alex Trebek: It's not a Penis Mightier, Mr. Connery. There's no such thing!
Nicholas Cage: Wait, wait, wait.. are you selling Penis Mightiers?
Alex Trebek: No! No, I'm not.
Sean Connery: Well, you're sitting on a gold mine, Trebek!
Sunday, January 22, 2017
No reason - just felt like posting this SNL classic skit: