Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The George Washington Interview

Today A Large Regular is lucky enough to have been granted an interview with one of the if not the most important person in US history. President George Washington.

ARL: Thank you so much for joining us today.

GW: No problem Chris. I've long said, "Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company." I've decided to bend that rule to associate with you today.

: Ummm... thanks I guess. Today is an important anniversary in your personal history and also of course in the history of the United States. It was on this day back in 1783 that you resigned as Commander-in-Chief of the Continental Army.

GW: Chris, Chris, if I wanted to speak about history I would have given this interview to someone who knows history. Like Betsy or the guy over at Boston 1775. I came here to talk sports.

: Of course, of course. Well jumping right into it. Who do you like in tonight's Poinsettia Bowl?

: I will tell you right now that Ben Franklin likes Boise State because he's a big fan of gimmicks and gimmick plays. I, on the other hand, know the importance of a good defense and TCU has one of the best defenses in the country. It should be noted that both of TCU's losses came on the road. They just barely lost to Utah at Utah and also lost 35-10 to Oklahoma at Oklahoma. This game is at a neutral site and there's good reason why Boise State is the higher ranked team but TCU is still favored in the game by 3 points. Many people have pointed out that Chris Peterson has had extra time to prepare for TCU's defense but the same is also true of TCU. They have had extra time to prepare for Boise's offense. I recommend taking TCU and giving the 3 points.

ALR: Changing gears. Where do you think Mark Teixeira will sign?

GW: Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder. I don't think Mark Teixeira will have such virtue. Is Teixeira a German name because at this point he seems to be no better than a Hessian mercenary to me. I weary of the entire situation. Let me just add that Mark Teixeira's next big hit in an important game may well be his first. A compiler of statistics is what he seems to me.

ALR: OK - going back to football. Tomorrow's Hawaii Bowl pits Hawaii against Notre Dame. Who do you like?

GW: Chris I believe that you should let your heart feel for the afflictions and distress of everyone, and let your hand give in proportion to your purse. Has anyone been more afflicted this year than Notre Dame fans? I have never been a fan of Popes or Popery but I do have compassion for the Golden Domers. That said - you should never bet with your heart and the amount of my purse that I can risk because it would make me feel good is very low. These two teams have met only twice before with Notre Dame winning both games but by only a combined 7 points. It is interesting to note that Vegas started out with Hawaii as a 1.5 point favorite but the line has moved to Notre Dame giving 2 points. In my eyes this game comes down to whether the Fighting Irish can pressure Hawaii QB Greg Alexander and turnovers. My heart tells me to take Notre Dame in this game but my head tells me not to risk too much.

ALR: Thank you so much for joining me today.

: My pleasure Chris and a Merry Christmas to you and yours.

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