The Barack Obama Interview

Today we were lucky enough to get an exclusive interview with Democratic nominee for President Barack Obama.

ALR: Sir - than you so much for granting me this interview. I'm so glad that you chose my humble blog.

Barack Obama: It's my pleasure Chris. I know I can be completely honest and open with you. I don't have to worry about having to look combative like I did on the O'Reilly interview on Fox or getting creeped out by some "yes" man undressing me with his eyes like in the Olbermann interview.

ALR: We'll let's jump right into it. Your recent comments have been interpreted by many as you calling Sarah Palin a pig? Didn't it occur to you that the lipstick on a pig metaphor would be interpreted as an insult to Palin and to women in general?

Barack Obama: Of course I knew how it was going to be interpreted. I'm a Harvard grad for God's sake. I was speaking in not so veiled code calling Palin a pig. I had another joke written where I called her Miss Piggy. I didn't think I had to use that one because I figured the lipstick on a pig comment would be plain enough.I can't believe some people are defending what I said as an innocent comment.

ALR: But why do it then? Why make the lipstick on a pig comment? It's like you want to sabotage your own campaign.

Barack Obama: See Chris - that's why I agreed to the interview. You obviously get it. Of course I'm trying to sabotage my own campaign. I don't want to be President. I never thought it would go this far. And Michelle has made it clear that she absolutely doesn't want me to win this election.

ALR: Well I guess that explains the Joe Biden pick for Vice President.

Barack Obama: Exactly! If I really wanted to win - I would have picked Hillary to be the VP. Everyone knows that. I pick Joe Biden and the Hillary supporters jump ship. Sure they all say they will vote for me but come election day - they'll vote McCain just to spite me for my choice of Biden. I expected Joe Biden to have made a big gaffe by now that would alienate a bunch of voters but since he's been quiet - I figured "if you want something done right - do it yourself." That's why I called Palin a pig.

ALR: But why? You are so close to being President. Your election would be historic.

Barack Obama: Well that's part of the problem. Do you think the first black President wouldn't be a major target? I don't want to live the next 4 or 8 years of my life worrying about some nut with a rifle. And if I really wanted to win and had picked Hillary - then I'd have to worry about somebody poisoning my food too. Those Clintons are hardcore power junkies.

ALR: But if you are worried about your safety - why run in the first place?

Barack Obama: The money! You kidding? If I win this election I get paid peanuts as President and have the threat of assassination hanging over my head. If I make it close then lose - then I can make millions and millions going around the world and giving speeches. Look at Al Gore. He's making a bundle and having a blast. I just need to keep it close. I figure the pig comment should swing more women voters and some independents over to McCain. If it stays too close to call then I plan on being caught on tape saying something nasty about Asians or Mexicans. I haven't decided which group to alienate yet - probably the Mexicans because I don't see many big paying speaking opportunities in Mexico.

ALR: Well I'd like to say I'm shocked but these days not much in politics shocks me.

Barack Obama: Thanks for letting me vent.