Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Garza the Out-taker

Last night Matt Garza the Out-taker threw a no-hitter. A Large Regular was lucky enough to catch up with him to ask a few questions.

ALR: Were you nervous at all when the game was going on?

Garza the Out-taker: Well I started getting nervous in the seventh inning but then I started picturing scenes from Sarah Plain and Tall and I was at peace.

ARL: Were you aware that Tampa Bay had never had a pitcher who threw a no-hitter?

Garza the Out-taker: Yes I was and I willed it so.

ALR: I understand that that you do some charitable work battling teenage pregnancy with the The Candie's Foundation in New York City.

Garza the Out-taker: Yes I've worked combating teen pregnancy with Hayden Panettiere and Bristol Palin for the Candie's Foundation in New York City. I'm a very religious man who believes that if a person's not married by the time he's 35, he's got a better chance of being robbed at gunpoint by a desperate and somewhat bloated Christian Slater. I'm a big believer of teenage marriage coming from teenage pregnancy. It worked for me.

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