The Milton Waddams Sports Report



Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler. University of Florida coach Urban Myer to Ohio State coach Jim Tressel after the Gators slammed the Buckeyes 41-14.

The ratio of people to cake is too big. To NBA journalist David Aldridge who was laid off with 67 others by the Philadelphia Inquirer.

Mr. Lumbergh told me to talk to payroll and then payroll told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh and I still haven't received my paycheck and he took my stapler and he never brought it back and then they moved my desk to storage room B and there was garbage on it. To Giants coach Tom Coughlin who looked like he was going to be fired but now looks like he'll keep his job (he'll just have to move his desk to storage room B).

I was told that I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven, I told Bill that if Sandra is going to listen to her headphones while she's filing then I should be able to listen to the radio while I'm collating so I don't see why I should have to turn down the radio because I enjoy listening at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven. To the city of Cleveland and fans of all their pro teams who have to keep their enthusiasm at reasonable levels at all time.

And yes, I won't be leaving a tip, 'cause I could... I could shut this whole resort down. Sir? I'll take my traveler's checks to a competing resort. I could write a letter to your board of tourism and I could have this place condemned. I could put... I could put... strychnine in the guacamole. There was salt on the glass, BIG grains of salt. To Terrell Owens who is human strychnine in the guacamole. His "me first" attitude has shut down three teams now. Good thing he has $25 million reasons to live or he could OD on himself.

And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire... To Bill Parcells who switched from Drew Bledsoe (the Boston stapler) to Tony Romo (the Swingline stapler) only to have his stapler bind up at the worst possible time.

Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler. To Florida from Boise State.