A Little Epiphany

This morning over my first cup of coffee I had a little epiphany. I realized that growing up I was a bigoted "left side of the church guy."

Main Street in Worcester runs North and South. The Church I attended growing up, Saint Peter's, was on Main St. "South" (which was also the name for the general section of the city I grew up in - Main South).

There were three doors to the church in the front and doors on either side. Me, my family and I realized this morning pretty much everyone who lived on the west side of Main Street - meaning the Clark University towards Park Ave neighborhoods - not West Side (capitalized meaning the Tatnuck section of Worcester) - we all used the left side front entrance of the church and sat in pews on the left side of the church. If we ever entered through the middle door in front of the church - we generally made our way over to the left side entrance to the church nave or sat on the left side of the center aisle. I can't recall ever entering the church through the right side front door.

The right side of the church? Well that was for the people who lived on the east side of Main Street (not to be confused with Worcester's East Side which is generally considered to be the Shrewsbury St. section of the city). I'm talking about people who live on Kilby St., Gardner St., and Crystal Park. Those neighborhoods. Those people.

The people from Clifton, Florence, and Dewey Streets - well we consciously or unconsciously self-segregated ourselves from those people. We sat on the left side of the church because we looked down on the people who sat on the right side. We lived on the "right" side of Main Street. The "good" side of Main Street. And we stuck together.

It took me 40-years to suddenly come to this realization.

Sure I knew some of the people and families who sat on the right side of the church. I even dated a girl from Crystal Park. But to be honest I think I always felt the people on my side of the church were superior.

Now I wonder how much different and richer my life could have been if I just sat on the right side of the church every once and a while. 

Slice of Life

Had a vivid dream. I had sex with Jennifer Anniston. She was upset that I didn't use a rubber. Then she was upset that I used a condom but somehow it didn't belong to me. I promised her that I'd buy a box of Trojans. Then we were in an old house that had rooms dedicated to basketball hoops.

Woke up. Had to pee.

Consistent Colon

I had my first prostrate exam a few years ago. It was an uncomfortable moment to say the least but the strangest thing was my doctor telling me that my colon had a "good consistency." Wait - what? Saying my colon had a good consistency might have been a throw-away line for my doctor but it's stuck with me.

"Success isn't always about greatness. It's about consistency." - Dwayne Johnson. Isn't that special. The Rock thinks my colon is successful.

"Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative." - Oscar Wilde. Well not sure about you Oscar but my brain and my imagination are in my head - not my ass.

"True consistency, that of the prudent and the wise, is to act in conformity with circumstances and not to act always the same way under a change of circumstances." John C. Calhoun. Was the former VP of the US speaking of diet and bowel movements? Because that's what I think of now when consistency is mentioned.

Maybe having read this post, when you hear the words "consistent" or "consistency" - you'll think of my ass.

As an aside Consistent Colon would be a good name for a band or fantasy football team. Or maybe not.

Slice of Life

So last night I'm on the deck of the 308 Lakeside Restaurant in East Brookfield Mass. This deck is one of the best places in Central Mass to watch the sunset. It was about 90 degrees out and I was enjoying a Leinenkugel Summer Shandy (or three).

Also on the deck was an old couple (not sure how old but they were old) who were both wearing sweaters (did I mention it was 90 degrees out?). There was background music playing on the deck and The Doors' Love Me Two Times starts playing. Suddenly the old woman grabs the old man's arm and says, "Honey - they're playing our song."

When the song came out in 1967 I'm sure it was considered pretty racy. My mind just finds it amusing that the lyrics "Love me two times" hold special meaning for this old couple.

Sometimes it's the little things in life.