I saw this Shakespearean Insult Generator and this insult stood out like the Bard was speaking directly to disgraced New York Democratic Congressman Erc Massa:
"You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe!" - Taken from: Henry IV, part 2This one would have worked just as well:
Thou artless tickle-brained flirt-gill!