NFL Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous NFL thoughts and observations.

I think there must be a zombie in the Baltimore Ravens organization. This zombie feasts only on the part of people's brains that allow them to come up with offensive play calling. Brian Billick was supposed to be an offensive genius when he arrived in Baltimore - then the zombie ate that part of his brain. Jim Fassel had so much of his brain eaten that he got fired as offensive coordinator. Rick Neuheisel was an innovative offensively minded college coach but have you seen any evidence of that in his time in Baltimore? I blame the zombie.... I've been reading Peter King a lot this season and with the historic season the Patriots just had you would think King would speak with coach Belichick about the historic season and yet I've not seen any first hand comments to King from Belichick. I guess that's the price you pay for getting on your fat high horse.... Grumpy old men. Can members of the 1972 Dolphins be any more annoying? Do you know the fortune cookie game where you read your fortune cookie and then add the words "under the sheets"? I now see a comment from a member of the 72 Dolphins and add in the words "and get off my lawn."...

Thoughts on the Patriots

I watched the Patriots come back to beat the Giants Saturday night from Mahoney's Pub with a bunch of my friends. It was a very good atmosphere to watch a game. Mahoney's has the coldest beer in Worcester and the TV's are all HD.

My friend Sean was the only person rooting for the Giants in the bar. Since Sean is a football coach and part-time bartender at Mahoney's nobody gave him too much grief (except me - I gave him all I could muster - but I didn't go over the top since he was my ride home). It is well known that the Giants have been Sean's team pretty much his whole life - so we all just considered it natural for him to be rooting for the Jints. Sean even had his new Giants hat on which he got for Christmas.

Now the Patriots not only go into the playoffs with a perfect record - they go into the playoffs as the most ready team in football. They are the most ready because 5 of their last 6 opponents have approached the game with the Patriots as if it was a playoff game (I'm not counting the Miami game). The Giants certainly treated this game with playoff level intensity. They rested no-one and everyone gave their all. I have to think that will help the Giants against Tampa Bay. Yes - the Giants lost a couple of players to injury but the confidence gained by the team of taking the best team in football to the final bell will more than offset that. The Giants need Eli Manning to be confident going into the playoffs and this game gave him that confidence.

You would think that with Boston College winning a bowl game on Friday and the Patriots winning an exciting game on Saturday that all would be roses for Boston sports fans. The realist in me has to point out that even though BC and the Pats both won - neither covered the betting lines. So I'm sure that there are a number of fans out there who will start 2008 in a hole because they took BC and then tried to win the money back by taking the Pats. Hopefully those folks used the Celtics as their bailout team.

In an interesting twist of fate - at Mahoney's a bunch of us have a pool on the Patriots. Ten guys at $10 per guy with the winner getting the $100. Each guy gets a number (0-9) drawn each week. The person who has the last number of the combined final score wins the money. This week I had 0 and who should have the 3 (38-35 was the final score)? None other than the only guy rooting for the Giants in the entire bar - my buddy Sean.

The TV audience for the game was huge and a big win for the NFL Network - just as I predicted.

The Kinks to Reunite

Good news - the original members of the Kinks may reunite for a concert tour in 2008. I've long held that the Kinks were perhaps the most under-rated band in rock history. They have so many hits - its tough to pick your favorites. However, here's my picks on the top 5 Kinks songs from last February.

I last saw the Kinks back in 1983. Seeing them was part of one of the greatest weekends of my life.

It was my junior year in high school and my friend Sean's parents were away. I was staying at Sean's house for the weekend. Friday night we had a small party at Sean's house. Saturday afternoon we had a cookout in his backyard with more friends over. That night I went to see the Kinks with my friends Paul, Tim and Tim's girlfriend Erin. It was a great concert. On Sunday night I went to see Bob Seger with Sean and his sister Lynn. Like I said - it was a great weekend all the way around.

Ray Bourque



Today is Ray Bourque's 47th birthday. In his honor I am posting one of my favorite sports moments of all-time - the night Ray Bourque literally gave Phil Esposito the shirt off his back.

Songs About Heroin

I remember back when JFK Jr. died in the plane crash a local radio station kept playing Sarah McLachlan's In the Arms of the Angel as a tribute until a guy called in to complain. The conversation went something like this:

Caller Guy: I'm not sure if that's an appropriate tribute song for JFK Jr. You guys know that song is about heroin addiction - right?
Female DJ: Way to ruin the sentiment.
Male DJ: Yeah way to go jerk.
Caller Guy: Hey I'm not the one who's oblivious to the lyrics here.

I thought the exchange was funny but I also remember being surprised to learn that U2's Bad was about heroin. The references in those songs are a little esoteric. Not like Neil Young's The Needle and the Damage Done. Some songs dance around the subject of heroin so much that it almost becomes a stretch to make a connection. For instance some people believe that the Eagle's Hotel California is about heroin addiction. I guess my point is that the references to heroin in many songs have become so veiled that you can almost convince people that almost any song is about heroin.

To illustrate my point let me tell you about a conversation I had about a week with a friend at a bar.

Friend: You know you never see The Little Drummer Boy on TV anymore. I wonder why?
Me [making it up as I go along]: Well supposedly they pulled the show because it portrays Arabs in a bad light but the real reason is because the song is about heroin addiction.
Friend: What? What are you talking about?
Me: Yeah - the song was written by a guy trying to kick heroin and turn his life over to Jesus but he felt worthless because he had nothing to give back in exchange for being saved from his addiction.
Friend: You're kidding - right?
Me: That's why in the show its always the little drummer boy and his donkey. The donkey was a metaphor for his addiction. They stopped showing it during the Reagan administration when they launched the War on Drugs. In the TV business it's pretty common knowledge.
Friend: Wow! I never knew that.

The NFL Network Scores Big

One of the big debates today seems to be about the decision of the NFL Network to simulcast Saturday's Patriots / Giants game not just on the NFL Network but also on CBS and NBC. Some people think that the NFL caved on this issue or that this is some sort of admission that the NFL is losing the battle with the cable companies.

I say - make no mistake - this is a huge win for the NFL Network.

They say that drug dealers have a saying that "the first taste is for free" and I can't help but remember when I was a kid how Showtime and HBO would offer "free" weekends where non-subscribers of the pay channels could see the content for free with the hope that enough would like what they saw to become subscribers themselves. The idea behind both is basically - try it you'll like it. You also know that commercials either asking you to sign up for the NFL Network or asking you to write your cable company will bombard viewers Saturday.

At the very least - the NFL Network is getting a ton of free publicity out of this move. But that's not all the NFL Network is getting though - they will be getting a big revenue boost to go along with the Good Samaritan image. Thanks to the writers strike - everything on CBS and NBC Saturday was either crap or a rerun. Now the two networks get free programming and the NFL Network will be able to charge much more for their ad spots because of the added reach of the broadcast. The ratings will be huge. The revenue windfall for the NFL will be in the millions of dollars.

In addition to getting all this free advertising and PR plus the added revenue - the NFL gets to take the moral high ground as a bonus. Out of the goodness of their hearts the NFL is making this potentially historic game available to everyone with a TV. Now the ball is in the big cable companies court. If they stonewall next year then the NFL can say, "Hey we can't keep giving the product away Mr. Senator man. I'm sure you understand. Now let's talk about why the voters in your state get 5 home shopping channels forced on them but they can't choose a channel they want like the NFL Network. Maybe now is the time to push that ala carte cable bill through Congress. It is an election year you know and that bill would be very popular with your electorate."

This is a tremendous move by the NFL.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

Sounds like Ryan Mallet needs to go to a college that helps drop back QB's prepare for the pro game. A college like BC maybe?.... Some people who worship Peyton Manning will point out that Manning basically sat out the last game in 2004 when he set the TD record of 49 TD passes that Tom Brady will probably be breaking in his 16th game this Saturday night. To those people I would like to point out that Manning played the majority of his games in climate controlled domes (10 out of 16 games) while Brady has played in some of the worst conditions imaginable this season. I would also point out that Manning's backup - Jim Sorgi - played in just 4 games in 2004 (including that last game of the season). Meanwhile Brady's backup - Matt Cassel - has already relieved Brady in 6 games and there is a good chance he will do so again on Saturday... I was always under the impression that Mark Knopfler kicked his brother David out of the band Dire Straits. Turns out that David Knopfler left on his own. File that under "you learn something new every day"... George Roy Hill died 5 years ago today. Manny people will consider either Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid or The Sting as his masterpiece but to me Hill's great contribution to the world at large will always be the movie Slapshot.

Don't be a Dursley



I seem to be seeing more and more bumper stickers that say "Republicans for Voldemort". I find the bumper sticker amusing. I know it is a knock at "evil" Republicans but I find it clever.

I wish I knew how to make bumper stickers because if I did - I would come out with a counter bumper sticker that said:

The Dursley's Vote Democrat
Don't be a Dursley

Of course if I did - I'm sure that A: it would be a pretty good selling item and B: Democrats who are fans of Harry Potter would not take it with the same humor that Republicans take the Voldemort bumper stickers.

Blunt Back Trauma for Christmas

It was Monday morning - Christmas Eve day - and my wife had gone out early to the grocery store to do some last minute shopping. She returned around 8:00 and when she came in with bags of groceries - I put on my shoes to help her bring in the rest.

When I stepped outside my first thought was, "What a beautiful day. The sun is shining, its warm (about 45-50 degrees) and it looks like all the ice on the walk has melted." Then I hit the first step going down the porch and my thoughts were:

"Oh shit - black ice."
"Hey look - the sky."
"Oh boy this is not good and this is going to hurt."
"AARRHHHH my back!!!"
"Can't.......... breathe..... fuuuuuuuck!!"
"Thank God I can move my legs."

When I hit that first step my leg slipped right out from under me. I must have been going down the stairs at a good clip because my momentum cause me to fly up in the air a few feet. I landed so hard on the stars that I bounced to the pavement where I lay in excruciating pain, unable to talk because I was unable to breathe. All the air had been knocked out of me.

It was a good five minutes before I was able to sit up. Then get up. My wife (who was right behind me all the time and saw what happened) examined my back, helped me into the house, helped me take off the sweatshirt I was wearing (it was now soaking wet from me laying on the wet walkway) and then helped me to the couch where I was to remain basically for the next 24-hours.

I got up twice during the day to go to the bathroom. I could barely move and each step was accompanied by significant pain. I must have ate 16 Advil during my time on the couch. I drank very little because it hurt to raise my head to drink from a cup. Being couch bound meant that my Christmas Eve was ruined. No going to church to watch the kids in the Christmas play. No going to my brother's house for our traditional family Christmas eve get together.

My wife explained my absence to my siblings and their families at the party and my brother John (a paramedic) called me to check on my condition. His first concern was that my trouble breathing could have been caused by broken ribs. When I assured him that I didn't have broken ribs (unfortunately - I know how those feel) he said sounding relieved, "Simple blunt trauma to the back then."

Blunt trauma to the back? That didn't sound so simple to me. In fact the word "trauma" coupled with "back" sounded painful. And it was painful. I'm a realist though and I know some injuries may be painful but really the only thing you can do is give them time to heal.

On Christmas day I made an effort to shuffle around figuring that even minor exercise would be good. The kids and the wife loved their presents and I ended up spending a good portion of the day in my office reading and avoiding getting roped into playing Guitar Hero III which had monopolized the front room TV from the time it was unwrapped.

By the afternoon I was feeling well enough and determined enough to make sure I fulfilled one of my traditional Christmas responsibilities - going for Chinese food so that my wife (who works so hard to make Christmas a success) doesn't have to add "cooking dinner" to the rest of her responsibilities. I was able to make it to the restaurant but my oldest daughter had to come along to carry the food.

Anyway - that was my Christmas.

Top 5 - Festivus Grievances

Happy day after Festivus! I got a lot of problems with some of you people! Here are my top 5 grievances at the moment. Want to read other people's Festivus grievances? The Airing of Grievances is the only place to look.

1. Cuba Gooding Jr. in those Haines underwear commercials. Those commercials just make me uncomfortable. So Cuba Gooding Jr. goes into other people's dressing rooms and steals their underwear. Is Cuba supposed to be some sort of kleptomaniac? Some sort of men's underwear fetishist? Is he gay for Michael Jordan? Is that the market segment Haines is trying to target – the homosexual NBA groupie market? Has Cuba Gooding Jr.'s star fallen so low that he's reduced to doing commercials like this or does Michael Jordan hold some sort of grudge against Gooding forcing to debase himself so? No matter how you slice it – the commercials make me uncomfortable.

2. "He went to Jared's". I swear to God. If in real life someone said that to me and was serious – that person would get kicked in the nuts.

3. Accidentally giving yourself a Dutch oven. That's all I want to say about that.

4. Tim McCarver. Why God? Why? What demographic actually enjoys listening to this blowhard? Al Leiter and Dennis Eckersley could give better analysis in their sleep. Forget the steroids era – the festering Tim McCarver announcing era has done much more harm to the youth of this country than BALCO and all the cheaters put together.

5. The fact that the traditional day of observing Festivus fell on a Sunday this year so that Orthodox Festivus practitioners don't get to take the day as a paid holiday. If Christmas fell on a Sunday – you would still get Monday as a paid day off. It's religious discrimination and I pray to the almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster to set this to rights – blessed be his noodly appendage. Ramen.

OK – now that's out of the way let's get on with the feats of strength,

Heh Heh - Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer - Where are They Now?

This may be old but its new to me and funny to me. Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer And Friends: Where Are They Now?

Happy Festivus!



Festivus (a festivus for the rest of us) is traditionally observed on December 23rd but the great thing about Festivus is that it can be observed any day during the holiday season. Different people celebrate Festivus in different ways. What was the genesis of Festivus? Well here' what HowStuffWorks.com has to say:

This man's name is Frank Costanza. During a routine outing to secure a Christmas gift for his son George, events transpired which would forever change the landscape of the holiday season.

In his own words: "Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had -- but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way! [The doll] was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. 'A Festivus for the rest of us!'"

The three major elelments of Festivus include:

The Festivus Pole

As a symbol of the anti-holiday commercialization, devotees of Festivus display a large pole in a prominent location in their home or dwelling. The pole is aluminum, chosen due to its very high strength-to-weight ratio, and is never decorated (this stems from founder Frank Costanza's belief that "tinsel is distracting"). After the celebration is over, it is not uncommon for a pole to be placed in an out-of-the-way place, such as a crawl space.

Not sure if rebar qualifies but in the spirit of Festivus - anything is possible!

The Airing of Grievances

"Welcome, new comers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you're gonna hear about it!" -Frank Costanza

During the Festivus celebration, friends and family come together to recognize the holiday with an annual dinner. While no specific foods are relevant to the holiday, the dinner contains the most vocal of the Festivus traditions: the Airing of Grievances.

During the Airing of Grievances, a Festivus devotee informs all those in attendance how they disappointed him the year before. It is also a time to report any ongoing problem or irritation that one is having with anyone else celebrating at the dinner. Everyone in attendance is given the chance to speak before the last tradition of Festivus begins...

The Feats of Strength

"Until you pin me, George, Festivus is not over!" -Frank Costanza

In accordance with Festivus tradition, the celebration may not end until two people participate in a contest known as the Feats of Strength. During this event, the head of the household (or the host of the Festivus dinner) challenges one of the guests to a test of physical strength. The challenger may choose anyone as an opponent and a challenge may not be refused unless, of course, the challenged has a previous engagement.

You can find more info on Festivus here.

Aptera Electric Type 1


Very cool technology. My big question was how much would the car cost. Also sitting in the current winter wonderland that is New England - I couldn't help but think this car would not be practical in the snow (or maybe even in the ice since it looks like it weights less than an average school lunch lady).

HT Instapundit

Elvis and Nixon



It was 37-years ago today that Elvis visited President Nixon in the White House to discuss the war on drugs. I have no words to describe how funny I find the whole circumstances behind the meeting and the meeting itself.

Poinsettia Bowl

If you weren't able to stay up last night to watch Utah play Navy in the Poinsettia Bowl - then you missed a heck of a game. Utah won the game 35-32 but the game was still in question until the final 30 seconds. Navy covered the spread (8 points) and put the total over (64 points) by scoring a quick strike 58-yard touchdown pass with just 57-seconds left to play. Navy then successfully executed the onside kick but had their hopes dashed when QB Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada threw an interception.

I admit to being very immature because I kept chuckling at the official name of the game - the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl. All I could think of was the San Diego C-Cup Bowl and visions of breasts danced in my head.

At half I was sure that this game would go under the total as just 17 combined points were scored. Unfortunately for me - the two teams combined for 50 points in the second half.

During the second half I couldn't help think that Utah coach Kyle Whittingham would be a good fit for the open West Virginia coaching job. I wouldn't be surprised to see his name connected to that position in the weeks to come.

Joel Roberts Poinsett

Tonight is the Poinsettia Bowl pitting Utah against Navy. If you have a minute - read about the guy who the Poinsettia was named after - Joel Roberts Poinsett. Quite an interesting guy. Amateur botanist, Secretary of War and one of the first to recognize that oil could someday be used for fuel.

Fernando Vina, Tom Hicks and the Mitchell Report

With each passing day the Mitchell Report is looking more and more suspect in my eyes. It is getting praised for what was included but it should also get severe criticism for what it left out. Let's connect some easy dots here:

- Fernando Vina was named as both a steroids guy and HGH guy in the Mitchell Report. Vina currently works at ESPN and denies the steroids part of the allegation.

- Not six months ago on ESPN Vina blasted Texas Rangers owner Tom Hicks for saying Juan Gonzalez was probably a steroids guy.

- Hicks had very good reason to speculate that Gonzalez was a steroids guy since Gonzalez's trainer Angel Presinal has basically been banned from baseball clubhouses since 2001 after getting caught smuggling steroids (Presinal may have been a fall guy for Gonzalez).

Do the names Tom Hicks, Juan Gonzalez or Angel Presinal appear in the Mitchell Report? Did Mitchell attempt to interview either Tom Hicks or Angel Presinal? The more scrutiny the report gets the more it looks like white wash job with just enough sacrificial lambs to keep the public happy.

If you think that Presinal wasn't interviewed or included because he's "old news" - consider that he still works with numerous current players such as Ervin Santana, Robinson Cano, Luis Castillo, Francisco Cordero, and occasionally Pedro Martinez. Oh and he also works with Jose Guillen who was also named in the Mitchell Report. Makes you wonder what that $20 million spent on the report actually went for. An intern with a PC and Google probably could have done just as well.

The A-Rod Interview

ALR: A Large Regular is very pleased that we have been granted an exclusive interview with baseball star Alex Rodriguez. This interview comes as quite a surprise since I’m a lifelong Red Sox fan and A-Rod isn’t exactly my favorite player. First off – thank you Alex for making the time for this interview but I must ask – why me?

A-Rod: Well Chris the answer is actually fairly simple. I’m a fan of your work and I know you won’t hesitate to ask me the hard questions. I thought I could get a good grilling during my 60 Minutes interview but Katie Couric just wanted to smile at me.

ALR: I must admit that I missed that interview. Couric is so sugary sweet I fear just by watching her that I’ll get diabetes. I did see some highlights where she asked you if you used steroids and you said “No”. Let me start by asking you the same question – have you ever purchased or used steroids or HGH?

A-Rod: See Chris – that’s what I mean about tough questions. Couric asked me if I ever used steroids but she never asked me if I’ve ever bought them. Well to be clear – let me say that I have never used steroids but I’ve bought them for years. The steroids were never for me though. They were for my stripper “friends”.

ALR: What?

A-Rod: Come on Chris. It’s no secret that I like muscular strippers. The steroids I buy them make them even more muscular. They say that sex is the best exercise there is and let’s just say that in that regard I’m a workout freak. The more muscular they are the better the workout. My wife is cool with it as long as it’s only on the road and only with strippers. A man’s got to stay in shape? Right?

ALR: To be clear – you say that you have never used steroids or HGH yourself though. If that’s true how to you counter Jose Canseco’s assertion that you should have been named in the Mitchell Report?

A-Rod: Jose is a moron and he’s broke. He wants to write another book and he’s trying to use me and my good name as a hook for an advance. That’s my best guess to why he’s doing what he’s doing. As far as the people who think he’s a reliable source because the players he named in his first book all proved out are forgetting that in his book he made a big deal out of saying that no way could Roger Clemens be a steroids user. That Roger was too much of a work out freak. How wrong was Jose on Clemens? As wrong on Clemens being clean as his slander that I’m dirty. That’s how wrong.

ALR: Speaking of the Mitchell Report – what was your reaction?

A-Rod: I think George Mitchell is a great person but is it any surprise that the brunt of the blame from the report is placed squarely on the shoulders of players and players alone? Owners and baseball have made hundreds of millions of dollars during the steroids era. They knew exactly what was going on. Yet there is no blame placed on or even the slightest examination of any culpability of any of the owners or of Bud Selig for that matter. But then again - baseball paid for the study so that shouldn’t be a surprise. Would you be surprised if big tobacco sponsored a study and the results pointed the finger at everyone but big tobacco?

ALR: Do you have any suggestions on how to clear up the steroid problems in baseball?

A-Rod: I would do four things and these four things would clear up the problems almost overnight. First I would more than double the number of times a player would be tested and there would be no restriction when the tests could take place. Second – I would void any contract for a player found using steroids and suspend the player for the remaining portion of his contract. Third – I would take away the roster spot from the team for the duration that a player is on a steroids related suspension. So if a player had a 3-year contract but was found using after the first year – he’d be suspended 2-years and the team would lose his roster spot for 2-years. That would put a stop to teams signing questionable guys. Finally – I would go back to the equipment men for each team and find out over the past 30-years which players had their hat size increase more than 2 sizes over the years. I would put an asterisk next to each of those players stating how many hat sizes the player’s head grew by. This last thing would be not only be factual but also a wink-wink way for saying something unnatural was going one. People’s melons just don’t get bigger once you are an adult.

ALR: Finally – I have to ask about your relationship with Scott Boras.

A-Rod: I’m very image conscious. That’s no secret. I feel like I’m the best player in the game and I want to be paid as the best. There’s nothing wrong with that. What I’m not happy with is the fact that now people think of me as greedy. I’m not greedy. Scott Boras is. Tiger Woods is the best player in his sport and he’s very image conscious too. Yet nobody thinks of him as greedy. Let me ask you – do you know who Tiger’s agent is? [ALR shakes head in the negative] See! I’m associated with Scott Boras and Scott Boras is one crazy, greedy, mother. I’ve got to get away from him. And that’s what I plan to do.

ALR: Thanks for the interview.

A-Rod: You’re welcome.

Excellent Belichick Interview

Tom Curran has a very fun to read interview with coach Belichick. Curran has to be one of the best NFL guys going.

HT Chad Finn

Donald Rumsfeld

It was a year ago today that Donald Rumsfeld stepped down as Secretary of defense and Robert Gates took his place. I still maintain that history will be very kind to Rumsfeld. He was a man who never took the credit to which he was entitled. In his honor - here are two blasts from the ALR past.

- Rumsfeld Says Goodbye and

- The Rumsfeld Interview (satire)