Ned Flanders Makes Today's NFL Picks
(Today ALR is lucky enough to have a guest come in to make today's NFL picks and that guest is none other than Ned Flanders from The Simpsons. Without further ado - here are Ned's picks.)
Oakland at Kansas City (-9.5): Seeing Art Shell always reminds me of Matthew 7:26.: "A foolish man who built his house on sand." Pick - Kansas City.
Cincinnati at New Orleans (-3.5): How could I pick against the Saints? Pick - New Orleans.
Pittsburgh (-4) at Cleveland: This game promises to be as exciting as plain white bread with a glass of water on the side for dippin' but something tells me that the Browns will overcome. Romeo Crennel always had an answer for Bill Cowher when Crennel was in New England. Pick - Cleveland.
Tennessee at Philadelphia (-13): Well, sir, I hate to be suspicious aloysius on you but 13 points is a lot of points to give up. I sense a trap. Pick - Tennessee.
Atlanta at Baltimore (-4): I personally dislike Michael Vick and Ray Lewis more than I disliked seeing Othello staring Peter Marshall but since often when I'm on the road staying at a Motel 6 I use the assumed name of Ron Bethlehem I'm going with the Falcons. Pick - Atlanta.
St. Louis at Carolina (-7): Listen folks there's no magic formula. I just follow the three C's: clean living, chewing thoroughly and a daily dose of vitamin church. And in all my time of going to church not once did I see the Bible mention a Saint Louis. Pick - Carolina.
Buffalo at Houston (-3): I once saw an oil stain that looks like St. Barnabus and if Houston was still called the Oilers - I'd pick them. Pick - Buffalo.
New England (-6) at Green Bay: Tom Brady and Brett Favre are two quarterbacks that really put the "shaz" in "shazam"! I'm really looking forward to this game but I hope that John Madden isn't doing the announcing because him constantly breaking the first commandment when he talks about Brett Farve gets on my nerves. Pick - New England.
Washington at Tampa Bay (-3): Okilly-dokilly I'm just going to go with the home team on this one. I can't see how breaking in a new QB on the road is a good idea. Pick Tampa Bay.
Chicago (-7) at New York Jets: Well get out the Crayolas and color me tickled pink because I love the Bears giving up a touchdown or less. Pick - Chicago.
Minnesota at Miami (-3.5): The Council of Presbylutheran Ministers still haven't forgiven the Vikings for last seasons bye-week and neither have I. Pick - Miami.
Detroit at Arizona (-2): I've done everything the Bible says - even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! But even if the Bible told me I had to watch this game I'm not sure if I could do it. Pick - Arizona.
Seattle (-3) at San Francisco: Gambling is strictly forbidden in Deutoronomy 7 but the folks in San Francisco break all the rules set forth in Deutoronomy. Pick - Seattle.
Indianapolis (-1.5) at Dallas: Peyton Manning used to chair the Citizens' Committee on Moral Hygiene with me so how could I pick against him? Pick - Indianapolis.
San Diego at Denver (-3): Mike Shanahan just looks evil. Pick - San Diego.