Orange Zima - RIP

I got bad news the other day - it seems like Coors has decided to pull Orange Zima off the market. Not only are they no longer stocking Orange Zima - they completely pulled it out of the bars and package stores that were stocking it. (As an aside - a package store is what others outside of New England probably call a liquor store.)

I've always been comfortable enough in my own manhood to drink Zima and Orange Zima was my favorite. I found it very refreshing (and my breath didn't smell like beer when I went home to my wife - who I sleep with).

It's too bad that Coors didn't consult with me when they put Orange Zima on the market in the first place. I bet a large number of you weren't even aware there was an Orange Zima. I would have pitched Coors a marketing campaign where manly men drink Orange Zima at a bar after work before they go home to their wives (who they would sleep with - maybe the bar would be a strip club just to emphasize that Zima isn't the Subaru of beverages). The manly men would talk about how Orange Zima not only has a refreshing taste - it also has more alcohol than beer and it doesn't leave you with beer-breath for when they go home to their wives (who they sleep with).

Maybe the commercial could show four guys drinking at the bar. Two guys would be drinking beer and two guys would be drinking Orange Zima. The commercial would show the beer drinkers going home to angry shrew wives and they would end up sleeping on the couch because their beer breath gave them away. The Orange Zima guys would go home to hot wives (who they sleep with) who can't keep their hands off their Orange Zima drinking husbands. Oh and the Orange Zima guys would have lots of kids because everyone knows Orange Zima makes you more potent.