Jokes from the Week in News

Have to look at the humorous side of the news - else you might go crazy.

• To recap the government shutdown - President Trump signed an order to make sure the military still gets paid on time, Trump funds WIC from his tariffs to continue payments to women and children, and now thousands of government workers are getting permanently laid off. All because Chuck Schumer was afraid of getting primaried by AOC and other Democratic senators jumped off the bridge with him
• An insider opened an account 30 minutes prior to Trump’s tariff announcement on China and closed it shortly thereafter with ten of millions in profits. Who that insider was now becomes the biggest mystery in American politics and crypto
• President Trump may already be prepping a book called The Art of the Shutdown
• Emmanuel Macron’s approval rating has sunk to just 13% in France - pretty bad but that is still more than triple the approval rating of Chicago’s mayor
• Is it just me or does it seem that reports of fires in EV battery packs seem to have disappeared in the news?
• The bible says “you will know them by their fruits” - right now the Democrats fruits include Chuck Schumer in the Senate, socialist mayoral nominee Zohran Mamdani in NYC, and Virginia AG nominee Jay Jones who professed to wanting to kill children and cops. Yeah hope people get the picture
• Would have been funny if the NYT instead had bought Bari Weiss’ The Free Press to try and bring back fairness to that organization
• Senate hearings aren’t cornhole - unless you’re Adam Schiff - then everything is cornhole (NTTAWWT)
• Reportedly there’s about 12,500 employees at CBS News. Twitter got rid of over 70% of employees when Elon Musk took over and the product improved. Just saying
• As if the news about Mark Sanchez wasn’t shocking enough I had a dream that Baker Mayfield abruptly announced his retirement. I awoke having to pee. My brain tricked me again.
• Business idea: giant sombrero hats and mustaches for all those giant skeletons people put out for Halloween

Jokes from the past week's news offerings. At least they were funny to me.