Some Memes You May Enjoy

Many a truth is said in jest.

- Heh Heh

- I feel seen.

- Affordable medical advice.

- Heh Heh

Some Memes I Hope You Enjoy

Many a truth is said in jest.

- This thought will keep me up nights.

- Heh Heh

- Negotiation 101.

- Classic: Darth Vader playing golf.

Some Memes You May Enjoy

Many a truth is said in jest.

- Heh Heh

- Some leftover Easter season humor.

- Famous quotes by wartime Presidents.

- Heh Heh

Some Memes I Hope You Enjoy

Many a truth is said in jest.

- Always a funny joke.

- Many a truth is said in jest.

- Is he calling him a bastard? Threatening to kill him? Both?

- Now AI can do both.

Some Memes You May Enjoy

 Some memes I hope may resonate with you.

- True

- Also true!

- Remember

- Funny because it's true!

Jokes from the Week in News

Have to look at the humorous side of the news - else you might go crazy.

• To recap the government shutdown - President Trump signed an order to make sure the military still gets paid on time, Trump funds WIC from his tariffs to continue payments to women and children, and now thousands of government workers are getting permanently laid off. All because Chuck Schumer was afraid of getting primaried by AOC and other Democratic senators jumped off the bridge with him
• An insider opened an account 30 minutes prior to Trump’s tariff announcement on China and closed it shortly thereafter with ten of millions in profits. Who that insider was now becomes the biggest mystery in American politics and crypto
• President Trump may already be prepping a book called The Art of the Shutdown
• Emmanuel Macron’s approval rating has sunk to just 13% in France - pretty bad but that is still more than triple the approval rating of Chicago’s mayor
• Is it just me or does it seem that reports of fires in EV battery packs seem to have disappeared in the news?
• The bible says “you will know them by their fruits” - right now the Democrats fruits include Chuck Schumer in the Senate, socialist mayoral nominee Zohran Mamdani in NYC, and Virginia AG nominee Jay Jones who professed to wanting to kill children and cops. Yeah hope people get the picture
• Would have been funny if the NYT instead had bought Bari Weiss’ The Free Press to try and bring back fairness to that organization
• Senate hearings aren’t cornhole - unless you’re Adam Schiff - then everything is cornhole (NTTAWWT)
• Reportedly there’s about 12,500 employees at CBS News. Twitter got rid of over 70% of employees when Elon Musk took over and the product improved. Just saying
• As if the news about Mark Sanchez wasn’t shocking enough I had a dream that Baker Mayfield abruptly announced his retirement. I awoke having to pee. My brain tricked me again.
• Business idea: giant sombrero hats and mustaches for all those giant skeletons people put out for Halloween

Jokes from the past week's news offerings. At least they were funny to me.  

Jokes from the Week in News

Have to look at the humorous side of the news - else you might go crazy.

• Where have you gone Quentin Ewers - a Longhorns nation turns their lonely eyes to you. Woo woo woo
• Before the season when Penn State fans were saying “This is the year!” - I don’t think this is what they meant
• Am I a bad person for liking calling the government shutdown the “Schumer siesta” and the Democrats “Dollar Tree Obamas?”
• If they do expand March Madness to a 76-team field that just means that’s another day I won’t be watching. I already skip the “play in games.” Where will they put the extra games - the Home Shopping Network?
• YouTube has settled a suit brought by Donald Trump for $24.5 million. It would be amusing if Trump took this money as well as the millions from CBS, ABC, and others and invested it in Tesla. Imagine how many heads would explode
• It’s quiet out there - too quiet. Oh wait - that’s just because there’s a government shutdown
• AOC costs her Congressional District 250,000 jobs with Amazon - Chuck Schumer says “Hold my beer”
• Des Moines illegal alien superintendent registered to vote in Maryland and Adam Schiff lists Maryland as his principal residence - coincidence or crime wave?
• A Des Moines school superintendent was arrested by ICE and I didn’t know whether to say he was doing a job Americans wouldn’t do or if he was the ultimate DEI hire
• If I’m Amy Cohen Barrett I’d totally wear a handmaiden’s tale outfit for Halloween. Or, conversely, you could also wear a handmaiden’s tale outfit and go as Amy Cohen Barrett
• It was pointed out that Charlie Kirk was shot on a school campus so all the educators celebrating his death are actually cheering for a school shooter. Now I can’t get that thought out of my head
• Would be kind of funny if the Obama “foundation” defaulted on their deal to build the Obama Presidential Library on a 19.3 acre part of a Chicago park and stuck the city with the costs. Thanks Obama!

Jokes from the past week's news offerings. At least they were funny to me.  

One of My Favorite Jokes

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't!" she exclaimed. "Yes, I did." he replied. "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

Jokes from the Week in News

Have to look at the humorous side of the news - else you might go crazy.

• Jimmy Kimmel's already dismal ratings are reportedly down 70% since he returned. We are quickly getting to "If Jimmy Kimmel blames Trump for nobody watching his show - does he make a sound?" territory.
• It’s being reported that a number of people at the DOJ and FBI are threatening to quit over the indictment of James Comey. To paraphrase a quote, “You have to let the deep state people threaten to quit so we know who the deep state people are”
• With all the recent political revelations the indictment of John Bolton has been overlooked. Then again he’s been an afterthought for some time now
• Corporate media: “We were lying to you all during Russiagate but you can trust us now - the prosecution of James Comey is political”
• Wizard of Oz: “Never mind those 274 plain clothes agents embedded in the crowd of peaceful citizens”
• Headline used to be “Ford to NYC: Drop Dead.” After this week's news the headline could easily be “Trump to NYC: Drop Dead”
• If you are a pregnant mom with severe TDS and are willing to put your child’s health at risk by defiantly taking Tylenol - you should take a long look in the mirror because I don’t know what to tell you
• Tim Walz wants to know if pregnant males can still take Tylenol
• The left turned its back on crime in the 1970's and it spawned some great film making. So where are our great movies coming from the last four years?
• Business idea: Re-release Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth but as a comedy with a laugh track over any predictions that never came close to coming true. It'd be a hit!
• Have the feeling the sarcastic phrase "Thanks Obama!" will make a comeback shortly

Jokes from the past week's news offerings. At least they were funny to me.  

Jokes from the Week in News

 Have to look at the humorous side of the news - else you might go crazy.

• Question that may keep you up nights: Did Brian Bosworth make more money from those Dr Pepper ads than he made playing football?
• If the Democrats wanted truth in advertising they should change the Party’s motto to “Tyranny, Rapacity, and Blood.” It’s what most of their positions boil down to
• Kamala Harris said Tim Walz wasn't her first choice as VP and she could have done better. So much for Tampon Tim being the manly-man choice
• One of my favorite Robert Redford movies was Three Days of the Condor directed by Sidney Pollack. Can't help but remember that uber lefty Sidney Pollock’s son-in-law was uber righty PJ O'Rourke
• I'm a big believer in projection so it occurs to me that the Biden Administration was so eager to go after those 92 conservative organizations targeting in Artic Frost for corruption because they knew leftist organizations were crooked and assumed the same was true of the opposition
• Even more than the appearance of Pumpkin Spice beer - the opening if NHL training camps is a sign the summer is over
• Josh Allen is great but Tom Brady had 24 wins against the Dolphins, 31 wins against the Jets, and was 33-3 against the Bills. Who's your daddy?
• If Jimmy Kimmel is really upset he should run for office and see how many people actually agree with his political diatribes. He won't though because he'd no longer be immune from criticism as his Democratic opponents would drag up all the instances he was protected because of his TDS
• Did things start to go off the rails for Big Pharma when the networks all started to cancel Saturday morning cartoons where they blissfully advertised sugar cereals and were creating generations of future clients? Big Pharma had to pivot to cable news instead.
• I have a strange sense of humor but am greatly amused by President Trump using the phase "kinetic strike" to describe blowing up drug boats out of Venezuela. Like a Jewish mom describing her son the truck driver as a "controller in the trucking industry"
• Found myself wondering where the phrase “Cheese it’s the cops!” came from. Then I was wondering if people ever actually said that. Then I found myself saying it every time I passed the cheese section of a grocery store

Jokes from the past week's news offerings. At least they were funny to me.  

Jokes from the Week in News

Have to look at the humorous side of the news - else you might go crazy.

• The Trump Administration announced they will be launching potential RICO charges against George Soros. When reached for comment Soros said, "Who's that trip-troping over my bridge?"
• Would be funny to have a betting website called Rick Kottite's Picks where "he" picks the worse possible sides and people make money fading him. You could also track national media picks to choose who is the modern Kottite.
• I’ve become like a old toddler who gets cranky if I’m hungry or tired and missed a nap
• Think in many ways this country was living in “BC” - Before the assassination of Charlie” and now we are living in “ADC” - After the Death of Charlie times.
• Thirsty Apostles would be a good name for a bar
• Think President Trump is right in that there may not be a need to outlaw pharma ads if they are just required to list every possible side effect in every ad. A 30 second ad becomes a full minute and people are disgusted by all the negative things the drug being pushed may do
• Bustle and Confusion would be a good name for a website or Substack account about what the corporate media got wrong the previous week in their haste or in their bias. There would be no lack of content for this forum
• Business idea: an app where a blockchain is assigned to a meme or a joke so that if someone tries to reuse it without attribution proof can be offered that it was taken without permission. In addition to the blockchain - a watermark could be applied to cement proof of ownership
• What are the chances that millions are donated for a Biden Presidential library but those in charge only came out with a bookmobile. The rest went to graft. That would be fitting in a way
• Business idea: if you called something the Navy Seal Hell-Week of Dildos it would be a big seller

Jokes from the past week's news offerings. At least they were funny to me.  

Jokes from the Week in News

Have to look at the humorous side of the news - else you might go crazy.

• Think good use of AI would be to cover the plays of Neil Simon as if written by William Shakespeare. How cool would it be to have a version of the Odd Couple in iambic pentameter. What would an “odd couple” be called in Elizabethan England?
• Think John Bolton's casting as a Deep State villain would be more perfect if he had an eyepatch. But perhaps that would be over the top? “Who does John Bolton work for?”
• Hope some state opens an Alligator Alcatraz of their own but leaves the naming of the facility up to the Internet. I'm looking forward to a Jaily McJailface
• Admit it that if the Cracker Barrel marketing team's goal was to get people talking about Crack Barrel then they succeeded. When's the last time Cracker Barrel entered your consciousness before this rebrand?
•  I might be in the minority that’s not upset about Cracker Barrel’s new logo. Then again I ate there once and would not eat there again, If Spirit Airlines were a restaurant...
• Bed Bath and Beyond says the chain will not open any stores in California because the state makes it impossible to do business there. Many Americans say "Wait Bed Bath and Beyond is still in business and trying to make a comeback?"
• Rumor is that if Lisa Cool resigns from the Federal Reserve the Democrats plan to try and name Adam Schiff as a replacement
• Amused by MSNBC being forced to change their name and them choosing MS Now. This is the worst branding I can remember since the diet pill AYDES came out in the middle of the Aids crisis
• It's interesting that a TikTok influencer known for doxxing ICE agents didn't know their locations when they came to arrest her. Kind of like a psychic getting arrested for fraud and not seeing it coming
• How soon before you start seeing the Gavin Newsom stickers saying “I did that” on gas pumps in California?

Jokes from the past week's news offerings. At least they were funny to me.  

Some Memes You Might Enjoy

Many a truth is said in jest.

- Always give 100% at work.

- Admit I laughed

- I'll have to use this one.

- I like subtle.

Hitler Jokes

Any subject can be funny - just ask Mel Brooks.

Hitler asks his astrologer, "Am I going to die?" "Of course," the astrologer says. "But when?" "On a Jewish holiday." "But which one? Hitler insists. Astrologer: " Any day you die on becomes a Jewish holiday."

A German who called Hitler a fool is prosecuted on two counts: one, for insulting the German leader, and two, for revealing a state secret.

From Cooler Than Cool.

Jokes from This Week in News

Have to look at the humorous side of the news - else you might go crazy.

• Both Linda McMahon and Katherine Maher may find themselves out of a job after this week as the Secretary of Education and the CEO of NPR respectively. They could be the last ever to hold those titles and it's amusing only one really wanted this outcome
• Biden top aid Anthony Bernal became the latest administration insider to plead the 5th when testifying to Congress. He joins personal Biden physician Kevin O’Connor. The two should get together for a book If We Did It
• Think a great idea would be to have two actual clowns in full make-up arguing sports stories of the day as an alternative to Get Up or Undisputed
• First there was the Fire Joe Morgan blog about baseball - why not now have an X or Substack account Lloyd Howell's Strip Club Misadventures about the NFL? That would be amusing.
• Barack Obama may now be remembered by history for a joke about Donald Trump gone horribly, horribly wrong. All because the man makes bad, bad choices
• If Zohran Mamdani is elected mayor - should the Yankees be moved from the American League to the National(ize) League?
• We used to call Coke with real cane sugar - Mexican Coke. Now President Trump is saying his administration is putting real sugar back into Coke-Cola - so is this the MAHA version of changing of Gulf of Mexico to Gulf of America?
• Serious question: what do you think gets rebuilt first - Gaza after being destroyed by Israel in a war or the Palisades in Los Angeles after getting burned to the ground? It's really neck and neck at this point.
• Ghislaine Maxwell is reportedly ready to meet with Congress regarding the Epstein files. Suddenly I get a voice in my head going “Danger Will Robinson!”

Jokes from the past week's news offerings. 

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- Why is cutting 0.1% of the federal budget so hard?

- From the archives: Guy walks into a bar.

- Plans vs Planning. Good business or life advice.

- Interesting - shakeup by RFK Jr. at HHS?

Redford and Newman

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks "Are you good at doing tattoos of celebrities?

"The guy says, "Sure, I'm pretty good. What do you want done?"

The lady says, "I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh."

"No problem," says the artist. "Take your pants off and get up on the table."

After a couple of hours, he finishes, and she sits up and examines the tattoos.

"That doesn't look like either of them!" she complains.

"Sure it does," he says, "and I'll prove it to you." With that, he runs out of the shop and grabs the first man off the street he can find, who happens to be the town drunk.

"Well, what do you think?" the woman asks the drunk, spreading her legs. "Do you know who these men are?" 

The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes and says. "Well, I'm not too sure who the other two are, but the guy in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson!"

Some Memes You May Enjoy

Many a truth is said in jest.

- Admit I laughed at this.

- Heh Heh

- Note to self - use old cell phones for this purpose

- Thank God for the European farmers.

Joke for Today

Joke of the Day

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't!" she exclaimed. "Yes, I did." he replied. "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."