Saturday, December 02, 2006

The Interview with Britney Spear's Vagina

ALR was lucky to snatch up another timely interview with one of the biggest newsmakers of the day. This time we were lucky to get a few moments alone with Britney Spear's vagina (BSV). We were going to use a picture of BSV but in the interest of decency - we decided to use a picture of a kitten instead (of course in BSV's case - it really should be a hairless kitten).

ALR: You've been in the news lately because Britney showed you off by going pantyless when she had to have known you'd be photographed. Was this whole episode planned?

BSV: First - thank you for having me. I'm convinced that Paris Hilton set up the whole papparazzi thing. Paris said that a gash shot would pre-empt anyone from wanting to see me and K-Fed in a sex tape. I thought she meant that once people saw Britney's cooter - meaning me - that the public curiosity would be gone. Now I'’m afraid what she meant was that once people saw her cooter that their appetite would be gone. I'm also convinced that Paris convinced Britney to wear that awful green dress thing. Britney's boobs are pretty upset about that whole thing.

ALR: Forgive me for saying this but if Britney planned this - you would think that she would have made sure you were better prepared for public viewing.

BSV: Well I think three things come into play here. First, Britney is not very hygienic to begin with. Secondly, I think people may have sort of built up an image of me in their imagination that was going to be tough to match. Now people are kind of disappointed with the real me. And finally, and this is just my own theory, but do you know how some people say that pet owners come to look like their pets? I think in my case the opposite was true and I started looking like a hairless K-Fed soon after Britney got married. People blame my rough looks on the pregnancies but I blame it on K-Fed.

ALR: What do you think about the public outrage that has erupted in some corners about Britney flashing you in public?

BSV: Well I'm both embarrassed and surprised. I'm embarrassed because - well - let me get back to that. I'm surprised because Britney had just done a nude statue when she was pregnant and nobody had complained much about that. Getting back to why I'm embarrassed - I guess its mostly because Britney's momma had to be mortified by this whole deal and well - young girls look up to me and I feel that I've let them down. I just feel dirty and skanky now and I wish the whole thing never happened.

ALR: Thank you so much for your time.

BSV: No problem. Come back and see me anytime.

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