Flotsam and Jetsam

- I'm surprised that Todd Helton's name didn't surface during the Baseball Winter Meetings. If I were a GM - I'd see what Carlos Delgado signs for per year and offer the Rockies to pay that much of Helton's contract with the Rockies making up the difference in cash or by taking on some of my bad contracts (and with me as GM - I'm sure I'd have a few). Helton is a better all-around player than Delgado and is a year younger with no history of injury.

- Yesterday it was just me and my son at church. He was wearing a wool sweater and he complained that it felt like something was "stinging" him in the back. I explained that what he was feeling was the Devil who tries to bite his way into the bodies of little boys who can't sit still in church. The Devil, I continued, takes the form of an invisible maggot with sharp pinchers who once in the body of the little boy who doesn't do as he is told, will multiply until Devil maggots are oozing from the ears and mouth. For some reason my son had nightmares last night and couldn't sleep a wink.

- Today is Sheila E's 47th birthday. God back in the day she was hot.

- The movie Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory debuted in 1971. It was based on the Roald Dahl book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The name was changed because in 1971 "Charlie" meant North Vietnamese to most people and Charlie didn't surf and he didn't make chocolate. Now Tim Burton is re-making the movie using the original title. My only disappointment is that Gene Wilder didn't get cast as Grandpa Joe (that would have been a nice tribute to the first movie).

- I was only kidding about the "Devil maggot" thing above. I told my son it was his wool sweater and that he should have worn a T-shirt under the sweater like I had told him. He slept fine last night.

- Today is also Bob Barker's 81st birthday. Don't forget to spade or neuter your pets and for god's sake keep your hands off those fresh young assistants of yours.