Red Sox Managers as James Bond Actors

I was thinking the other day that if Terry Francona was a James Bond actor he'd be Sean Connery. He's the bar for which all subsequent Boston managers will be measured. Red Sox fans are waiting to see if John Farrell can handle the role as Boston manager as well as a Roger Moore or a Pierce Brosnan or a Daniel Craig handled the Bond role. Everyone hopes he's not going to be a Timothy Dalton (though to be fair to Dalton - I've liked him in everything he's done except Bond movies).

Of course there's no question that Bobby Valentine was the George Lazenby of Red Sox managers. A one year mistake that is best left forgotten.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

If I was running for President - I'd announce that I was replacing the TSA will local police and FBI agents and that I was going to make the Monday after the Super Bowl a national holiday. That should be good for at least 10 points in the polls... Very cool - how to eat a Triceratops. Make sure you see all the illustrations... According to Deadspin - of 58 ESPN and Sports Illustrated baseball writers - none of them predicted a Tigers vs Giants World Series. In Italy they could have been arrested for those faulty predictions... In 10 years what will seem a stranger team name - the Utah Jazz or the Bronx Islanders?... Regarding Bobby Valentine - the Boston media should learn from the Internet - DO NOT FEED THE TROLL... Thank you CNN for putting the image of a self-lubricating catheter into my head. Yeah - thank you very much for that.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

With the Yankees and their fans becoming completely disenchanted with Alex Rodriguez it seems the unthinkable may become thinkable. Could the Yankees start the 2013 season without A-Rod? If so - who would they get to replace him? How about this scenario - Kevin Youkilis in pinstripes? Stranger things have happened... Never thoughts I'd be saying this (especially not this year) but the fact is UMass may actually have a better football program than Boston College at this point. Seriously.... Agent Coulson resurrected for Josh Whedon's ABC SHIELD TV show... I can't explain it but the name "Carl" Ripken  really amuses me. Thanks for the laugh inept TBS personnel... I hate when I hear a cell phone ring on TV because it almost always has the same ring as my phone. Makes me feel like a dope when I realize it was just the TV... Block Me Amedaeus would be a good name for a fantasy football team... Did Bobby Valentine just validate the idea he's a complete phony?... All you need to know about men is the fact they all understand what a DD bra size means but they can't tell you anything about dress sizes... Just a reminder to everyone who watched the VP debate this week. Joe Biden was added to the ticket by Obama to add "gravitas"...

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting and thought I'd share.

- Happy birthday funnyman. Bill Murray turns 62 and here's 62 reasons he's complete awesomesause.

- Holy crap! I thought this was something from The Onion - the Effect of Country Music on Suicide. The more airtime devoted to country music - the greater the suicide rate. Effect independent of "southernness" (which I didn't even know was a word).

- Gordon Edes on the players the Red Sox either traded or let get away. He should have mentioned that the team would be managed by Terry Francona.

- The Onion pegs Bobby Valentine. If you add "he said in his head" after every Bobby V quote the spoof becomes 100% believable.

- Beatnik Slang - some are pretty clever

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations. This is fantastic. What makes it great is the fact that you could totally picture Jay Cutler bumming around with a butt hanging out of his mouth... On a related note - I would pay to see a re-make of the movie Barfly if it had Jay Cutler playing the Mickey Roarke role... What's the difference between nude and naked?... Stories about Mitt Romney's kindness and generosity have been popping up here and there in the media. How come we never hear from people Barack Obama helped when he was a community organizer? Where are those stories?... Bobby Valentine is just 16-20 in one run games and a miserable 2-8 in extra innings. If he was halfway competent he'd be back next year but he's not so it will be adios to Sideshow Bobby Valentine... If low calorie beer was called "skim beer" instead of "light beer" - I don't think it would be quite so popular... Heh heh - Tony Stewart - sneaky ass-grabber...

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

Last week Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine said that Kevin Youkilis was hitting the same for the White Sox as he was hitting for the Red Sox. He said this out of the blue as if to explain that Valentine wasn't the problem with Youkilis' early season batting woes. The problem is Youkilis is not hitting the same for the White Sox as he was hitting for the Red Sox. His OBP is almost 50 points higher and his OPS is 140 points better. Valentine's failure to grasp this simple fact is a huge red flag regarding his ability to manage in the major leagues today... Interesting read on the role of Wes Welker with the Patriots... Just a reminder but Art Modell was so popular in Cleveland in the late 70's that the Republican Party wanted to run his for Governor... Am I bad person because I thought this was really funny? The Cheers opening turned into Jihad.... I am still coming to grips with the Patriots losing to Arizona on Sunday. Did that really happen?... More awesome photos from the Hubble space telescope...

What People are Missing About the Bobby Valentine Hiring

I saw what the Bobby Valentine hiring by the Red Sox was from the very start. It was not a bad hire at all as some pundits and personalities now claim. Bobby Valentine has completely succeeded for the purpose for which he was hired.

Let me explain. But first let me get a little geeky.

In the book (and movie) Dune - Baron Harkonnen first sends his nephew the Beast Rabban in to rule the desert planet Arrakis after the defeat and overthrow of the popular Duke Leto Atreides. However, Baron Harkonnen's real goal is to have Rabban crush the will of the people on Arrakis so that when he has his favorite nephew - Feyd-Rautha (played by Sting in the first Dune movie) replace Rabban - Feyd-Rautha will be hailed as a savior.

In the Red Sox example - Bobby Valentine is the Beast Rabban.

If you recall - originally the new Red Sox ownership had planned to make Billy Beane their GM in charge of baseball operations. There is no way that Beane would have tolerated any interference in baseball operations by Larry Lucchino. But at the last minute Beane turned the Sox down and Theo Epstein became GM. Now Theo had no choice but to tolerate interference from Lucchino and his minions because Epstein held much less power in the organization and because Lucchino was his "mentor".

I am convinced that it was the interference of Lucchino and his ilk that undermined Terry Francona and cost him his job and who also eventually caused Their to cry "enough!" and ask for exile to the Cubs.

Red Sox principal owner John Henry is no dummy (you don't get to be a billionaire by being stupid). He knew what was happening but what to do about it? Simple - you give Lucchino enough rope to hang himself. You let Lucchino hand-pick Bobby Valentine as the new manager but you saddle Valentine with enough handicaps that failure is all-but guaranteed. Don't let Valentine pick his own coaches and give him a contract that emphasizes Bobby V's weak position to anyone paying attention.

With the failure almost complete - John Henry can turn to Lucchino and order no more interference in baseball operations and then bring in a likable manager like John Farrell or DeMarco Hale (who will look like Sting compared to Valentine's Sideshow Bob act). The new manager also doesn't have to bear the burden of being compared to the well-loved Terry Francona. They just have to be better than the comical Bobby Valentine.

Just as it was planned.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

Just a reminder but when Carl Crawford first came off the injury list this season for Boston - there were many who wanted him to sit on the bench while Daniel Nava took his spot on left field. The Crawford era in Boston was hardly a success... Rob Riggle is replacing Frank Caliedo on Fox's NFL pregame show. Caliendo had run his course. I'm interested to see how Riggle does. I like Rob Riggle... The trade people should be comparing this Gonzalez / Beckett / Crawford trade to is when the Bruins traded Joe Thornton to San Jose. Thornton didn't win a Stanley Cup in his new Southern Cal location but he did win a MVP. In both cases I think the real problem was in management. Mike O'Connell with the Bruins and Larry Lucchino for the Red Sox... Interesting profile of Penn State coach Bill O'Brien. I wasn't aware of the adversity he and his family face every day... My biggest fear regarding the Red Sox right now is that they somehow go on a 10 game winning streak and decide to give Bobby Valentine another chance next year... Interesting perspective on Lance Armstrong... OK here's the scenario - Todd Akin drops out of the Missouri Senate race the morning Barack Obama is due to speak at the DNC and a woman is named as his replacement. That would certainly take a lot of air out of a lot balloons... 10 things that were created in bars over drinks... I always laugh when I see the Drudge Report on Twitter report something about Obama surrogate Stephanie Cutter. I laugh because Drudge shortens her name to SCUTTER and which has a rather wicked meaning according to the Urban Dictionary. I'd guess that definition 4 is what Drudge had in mind...

State of the Red Sox

If we assume that the mega-deal with the Dodgers goes through - where does that leave the Red Sox? Here's how I see them and some thoughts on what else should be done.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

The Olympics stopped having motor boating as an official event back in 1908. That's too bad because I think that's one activity I could excel at! I think if they brought back motor boating that the TV ratings would be huge... Heh heh - these photos do seem to indicate that Harry Reid is a pederast... Would anyone be surprised if the Red Sox went on a 10-game Morgan Magic style winning streak the day Bobby Valentine is fired? Too bad I think they are committed to him for the season as a way of hanging Larry Lucchino out to dry... I agree with Big Stupid Tommy - this photo of Prince Charles is hysterical... I wonder if Bobby Valentine's feud with Buster Olney will keep Bobby V from making a return to ESPN once he is fired from the Red Sox. My guess is he winds up with a sports show for some NYC station... Wait - what? Not that kind of motor boating? Never mind.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

Since Kevin Youkilis was traded every MLB team has been involved in a trade except the Padres, Nationals and Mets. San Diego signed an extension with Huston Street and surprisingly was not a seller, the Nationals got back Jason Werth from the DL which is like adding the best available bat meanwhile the Mets have pretty much done nothing... MLB team Facebook pages get hacked. Tasteless yet amusing... Interesting - according to Peter Gammons if Craig Brelow throws to Ryan Lavarnway - it will be the first Yale battery since the 19th century... Wow - the hubris. Soyndra official referred to the Obama Administration as "Bank of Washington." All that taxpayer money down the drain... The plot thickens. According to Rob Bradford - Will Middlebrooks has not made two errors in one game this season - never mind two in one inning. So what was Bobby Valentine talking about? If that big detail isn't true - then what else was fabricated?... Cool - 24 vintage pictures of Abraham Lincoln... Adolph Hitler's sister-in-law was named Bridget - Bridget Hitler. That just sounds funny. Like it should be the name of an Irish punk band... According to MoneySupermarket - it would cost $282 million to be Batman...

The Red Sox Mess

People are looking to pin the blame for the Red Sox organization being a mess. Does the blame lie with players like Josh Beckett who is viewed as over-paid, under-productive and out of shape? Is it Bobby Valentine whose managerial moves at times are questionable at best and whose personality really rubs many the wrong way? Is it first year GM Ben Cherington who hasn't made enough moves to right the ship? Is it ownership who seem too distracted by new shiny things like Liverpool soccer (LFC) to see the forest through the trees? For anyone paying attention the answer is clear - all of the above!

I get into details after the break. Be sure to read it all because I really buried the lede.

Red Sox Thoughts

There are two things that I really hope the Red Sox front office realizes:

1. The chances of this team making the playoffs are very, very slim
2. This is not a likable team. Personally I can root for maybe Pedroia, Ellsbury, Ross and Big Papi

I have a friend who is a big Phillies fan. We recently discussed how pleased we are with the timing of the Olympics because the games will allow us to segue right into football season unofficially allowing us to minimize the misery of following either the Red Sox or Phillies. The big difference, that he also acknowledges, is that at least the Phillies are still a likable team.

Josh Beckett needs to be traded. The Rangers keep saying they aren't interested but their options keep dwindling as other teams make moves and what else are they supposed to say? Texas also needs a catcher - so package Beckett with Kelly Stoppach. The Braves also need a starter. Get Randall Delgado and a couple of prospects for Beckett and a few million. This is Chipper's last season - Atlanta wants to go all out. A deal is there to be made. Move the guy already!

The Red Sox are 1-5 in extra innings games and their Bill James Pythagorean winning percentage would have the team at 53-48 instead of their 50-51 record. Combined these two stats are an indictment of the job Bobby Valentine is doing with this team. I really hope this will be the only season Bobby V will be forced upon the good will of Red Sox fans. To this point of the season Valentine has managed the team to the same exact record as the Cleveland Indians. Think on that for a minute. The patience with his competence has worn thin.

Red Sox Should be Sellers

In 1990 the Red Sox made  a trade with the Astros sending an infielder for a bullpen guy. The infielder was Jeff Bagwell and the bullpen guy was Larry Andersen who ended up pitching 15 games for the Red Sox. This year the Red Sox made another trade with the Astros where they send an infielder for a bullpen guy. The infielder was Jed Lowrie and the bullpen guy was Mark Melancon who has also pitched in 15 games for the Red Sox. Here's how those 15 games compare:

Andersen - 0-0 / 1.23 ERA / 22 IP / 1 Save / 25 K / 3 BB
Melancon - 0-2 / 7.04 ERA / 15 IP / 0 Save / 13 K / 4 BB

I'm not seriously comparing these two trades because the Bagwell trade was one of the biggest heists in baseball history (although I will point out that Bagwell only had 15 HR in his first full season with Houston while Lowrie already had 14). The real reason I bring this up is because the people who defend the trade from the Red Sox perspective always fire back with "well how could you project Lowrie being healthy for a full season"? These are the same people who will change their rationalization when it comes to the trade for Andrew Bailey who had an injury history just as bad as Lowrie's. Oh and the guy the Sox traded for Bailey - Josh Reddick - now has 20 HR for the A's. Meanwhile Bailey hasn't pitched a game for Boston.

The reason I bring up those trades is because I think the Red Sox should be sellers at the trade deadline but as those trades above show - I'm not sure if I have confidence with Ben Cherington's ability to make a good deal. And the Catch-22 is if the Red Sox become sellers then that gives Bobby Valentine an excuse for a poor record (and I despise Valentine). Part of me wants to keep this team together so that they could be humbled by a bad season. The realistic part of me says that these players won't be humbled though as much as exposed as petulant spoiled children (which would just made them even more unlikable than they already are).

OK - who to trade?

I'd start by trading Josh Beckett to the Rangers for a top prospect. Beckett has 2-years left on his contract and Texas needs to win now. Beckett would most likely waive his 10/5 rights for Texas. If you trade Beckett it also gives you payroll flexibility going forward for 2013 and 2014.


Kelly Shoppach could bring a minor prospect and the Sox could promote Ryan Lavarnway who fans want to see anyway. Promote Jose Iglesias to be the shortstop, trade Nick Punto and make Mike Aviles the utility guy. Ryan Sweeney - trade him.  I wouldn't trade Jacoby Ellsbury at the trade deadline though.


You'll get more for Ellsbury in the offseason.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting and thought I'd share.

Philip K. Dick's previously unpublished letter after seeing his first glimpse of Blade Runner

These ads are good but the movie Crazy People did it first

I've linked to this before but they are too good not to link to again. Adding monsters to thrift store paintings.

Heh heh - Leaked Memos: Bobby V is losing the Red Sox and his mind 

Almost 400-years ago Shakespeare joined the choir invisible - here are some surprising things the Bard left behind. 

The men of Mad Men go bowling - you know you want to watch

Top 5 - Moves I'd Make if I Owned Red Sox

Things are bad with the Boston Red Sox - that's no secret. Here's 5 moves that I'd make to try and fix things.

1. Fire Bobby Valentine. I think it is clear to pretty much everyone that Valentine is a bad fit. I would replace him with DeMarlo Hale who is currently the 3rd base coach for the Orioles. Hale knows the organization and the players. I don't think the Orioles would stand in his way to get a managing position. I'd give Hale a 2-year deal with an option which would keep the door ajar for John Farrell.

2. I'd move Daniel Bard to closer. I've been a constant advocate for Bard in the starting rotation but the situation warrants drastic action. Make Bard the closer until Andrew Bailey returns and then re-evaluate. The evaluation may say to keep Bard as closer and make Bailey the set-up guy. Or maybe Bailey comes back as closer and then Bard moves back to rotation? Right now Bard needs to take over closer role.

3. Taking Bard out of the rotation opens up the 5th starter role which I'd give to Aaron Cook who has done everything the team has asked of him. Cook is 2-0 in 3 starts for Pawtucket with a 1.35 ERA.

4. Trade or dump Vincent Padilla. I was against this signing from the start. The guy has a 9.82 ERA and is a clubhouse bomb waiting to go off. I'm not making him a scapegoat but I do want him out of the clubhouse.

5. This would he the hardest one to accomplish - trade Kevin Youkilis and bring up Will Middlebrooks who is killing the ball in AAA (7 HR in just 66 AB). Youkilis makes $12 million this year and has a $13 million option for 2013. If the Red Sox picked up half the tab they could probably swing a deal with some team in need of a 1st or 3rd baseman.

Those are the 5 moves I'd make if I was in charge of the Red Sox. So let it be written - so let it be done.

P.S. I'd also ditch once and for all Sweet Caroline. That gimmick has run its course. A love song to an 11-year old girl? Seriously - its an embarrassment.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

Will the phrase "Physically or emotionally into the game" become to Bobby Valentine what the phrase "pumped and jacked" became for Pete Carroll in New England?... Awesome...  Heh heh - some UMass fans are glad Boston College doesn't want to play them. They were tired of BC dragging down their strength of schedule and RPI scores...  It doesn't matter what the menu says - Kobe beef is not served in the US... Am I the only one who keeps forgetting that Ron Paul is still in the Presidential race?... The Science Channel now airs TED Talks. That is fantastic... One Jackie Robinson Day nugget to keep in the back of your mind - when Jackie was first on the Hall of Fame Ballot 22% of the BBWAA did not vote for him... I miss 70's beer ads like this...

Bobby Valentine

Let me weigh in on Bobby Valentine and his recent comments about Kevin Youkilis. I have three points I'd like to make.

1. Let me first say that I don't think Valentine knew at the time that he was saying something wrong or controversial. He was not trying some motivational ploy. It was just a poor choice of words by a guy in love with the sound of his own voice.

I have never thought Valentine to be that articulate. Sure he was a big improvement over Joe Morgan on ESPN's Sunday Night Baseball but that's not really that much of an accomplishment. Valentine is much closer to Chance the Gardner than Einstein no matter what his supporters would have you believe (remember Chance the Gardner's supporters thought he was smart enough to be President).

Bobby can't help being Bobby (like Manny couldn't help being Manny). He may be chastened by this accidental brouhaha for a while but with all of his media commitments (the Michael Kay show in NYC and his own weekly show on NESN just the tip of the iceberg of his need for attention) - Bobby V will strike again and again. He will make another offhand remark or try to make a joke about a player that will fall flat. He won't be able to help himself. That will be his downfall.

2. The Red Sox management are not stupid people. They knew what they were getting in Valentine. This makes me wonder if there is a bit of Machiavellian genius at work here. Is this like the book Dune where Baron Harkonnen first sends in the Beast Rabban with the idea of replacing him with the lovely Feyd Rautha (played by Sting in the 1984 movie).

The Red Sox probably looked at their candidates to replace Terry Francona and decided that none of them would make people forget the discarded Francona. There were no John Farrell's in the bunch and the closest thing - Dale Sveum - probably made it clear that he had no intention of working for the bunch that did his friend Francona so dirty.

With that in mind the Red Sox management made a 180 degree pivot to Bobby V. Knowing full well what they were getting. Let Bobby V implode and let the fans and players see what the other options look like then bring in a guy like DeMarlo Hale.

3. In the meantime Bobby V is in a position to do a lot of damage. I'm not talking about the season because almost no Red Sox fan has any hopes this year. I'm talking about him blowing out the arms of his starters on the way out the door. Daniel Bard had 111 pitches yesterday in 2nd start ever. Last year he had dead arm in September. If Bobby V keeps using him like that he might as well schedule his appointment with Dr. James Andrew right now.

Red Sox Magic Number - 163

Opening Day for the Red Sox (and pretty much everyone else) - so their magic number for the season is 163. If you gave me enough time I could give you 163 reasons why Bobby Valentine makes me nervous as a manager but given my schedule - I'll just give you the top few.

I think for many Red Sox fans the news that Valentine will be doing weekly radio spots with Michael Kay, the voice of the Yankees, immediately brings to minds some reasons to be nervous about Valentine. People at the top levels of sports are bound to have healthy egos but this is a little over the top. Put it this way - could you see Joe Girardi of the Yankees doing the same thing? Joe Torre was a Hall of Fame manager - do you think the idea to do weekly radio spots with a Boston sports station ever would have made it past first base with Joe? Heck - Joe Torre and Terry Francona are friends but they used to play that down because of the Red Sox / Yankees rivalry. They though such chuminess was unseemly given the passion of their fans. Valentine doesn't seem to understand this.

Speaking of Terry Francona - he was basically fired because the Red Sox missed the playoffs two seasons in a row. Valentine's claim to fame is the fact that he led the Mets to the playoffs two years in a row (something no Mets manager was ever able to accomplish). Francona won two World Series - what has Valentine ever won?

Who Bobby Valentine isn't may be just a big a reason Red Sox fans aren't embracing him. He's not Terry Francona. As an aside - I hope Francona enjoys his stint as announcer for ESPN - I think he could excel at that job and he'd finally make listening to Sunday Night Baseball something that wouldn't make your ears bleed.  Valentine isn't Dale Sveum of the Cubs. He was the guy the Red Sox really wanted this off-season but Sveum probably didn't like the way Francona was treated on the way out the door (Francona has lots of friends in baseball and the Red Sox did themselves no favors smearing him on the way out the door). Have your heard anyone use the word "circus" to describe Sveum's managing style? Heck have you heard anything about Sveum this Spring training? He's been lower than low-key.

Valentine also isn't John Farrell, the manager of the Blue Jays, and the one guy every Red Sox fan would have liked to have replaced Terry Francona. Now Red Sox fans will have to watch Farrell 19 times a year and you know conscious or unconscious comparisons with Valentine will be made. I'll state my feeling plainly - if the Red Sox finish behind Toronto this year then Valentine should be fired right away and the experiment deemed a failure. Period.

Valentine is who he is and that's the problem. Let me circle back to his weekly radio spots with Michael Kay to finish up. I predict that at some point this year Kay will bring up something about a player and Valentine will say something or try to make a joke that will immediately make the situation much worse. You know this will happen. The man can't help himself. This is something you'd never have to worry about with Terry Francona - heck not something you'd have to worry about with any other manager in baseball.

Bobby Valentine makes Red Sox fans nervous because we remember Kevin Kennedy. And how did that work out?

Train Wreck

Chris Jones is a very good writer. That's what makes efforts like this piece on Bobby Valentine all the more disappointing.

Jones must be wading through Robert Caro's epic biography of LBJ which somehow made him  think Bobby V is LBJ-like. The comparison is stupid. Jones might as well been stealing money from ESPN instead of passing off that piece as any sort of effort that required even the minimum of thought.

Lyndon Baines Johnson as an allegory for Bobby Valentine? What's next? Dustin Pedroia as John Quincy Adams?