New McGurk Goodness

John "KFC Napalmed my anus" McGurk has a new column up. Here's a couple of my favorite nuggets:

Falcons coach Jim Mora Jr. looks like a third-generation photocopy of Marky Mark Wahlberg. Eagles coach Any Reid, on the other hand, looks like a guy you wouldn’t want to fuck with. Like, if he was your boss at the office, he’d know a lot more about your lousy work habits than he lets on. Then one day with no warning, he shows up in your office with a cardboard box and tells you to clean out your desk. And when you protest and ask why, he’d calmly say, “I think you know why.” Then he’d let the silence hang there for what seems like an eternity until you sighed and started packing up your shit.

And this perfect observation about Michelob's bottle caps:

I bought some Miller Lite this week, and the package advertised a new Easy Open Top. I thought the old tops were pretty damn easy to open. Did Miller do some research and find a lot of people were struggling to twist off the old caps? If you’re too weak to open a twist-off cap, that might be God’s way of telling you to start working out more and drinking less beer.

There is, however, one exception to this theory – Michelob. Every so often, you’ll get a Michelob bottle that feels like it was sealed with a pneumatic gun. Don’t know why. Must be something they do at the factory to make themselves laugh.