Stop Kenneth Branagh Before He Kills Again

Kenneth Branagh has a new movie Death on the Nile coming out where he reprises his role as "world famous detective" Hercule Poirot. I will not be seeing this movie as I rate his 2017 remake of Murder on the Orient Express as THE worst movie I ever bought a ticket to. How bad was it? This is what I wrote after seeing it:

So last night I finally saw Murder on the Orient Express and it was awful! How awful? This was an actual conversation with my girlfriend:

Me: This movie is awful compared to the original.
Her: This movie is awful compared to anything.

Your taste in movies may differ.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

Ultimate Spinach would be a good name for a new cryptocurrency or a new strain of medical marijuana... They don't make athletes like they used to... Do female centaurs wear bras? Now that I've put that image in your head... Kids today don't know some of the simple pleasures in life - like rocking on through to Electric Avenue... They say that Saint Augustine did something very bad as a youth and it was his guilt that turned him to Christianity. There's no way though that what he did was worse than the re-make of Murder on the Orient Express... For the record I did not order the code red. You're goddamn right I didn't... "A million Marines could not take Tawara in a 100-years," a Japanese Admiral shortly before the US Marines took Tawara in three days... According to the Bible, Noah's Ark would have been about half the size of the Titanic. Good thing Noah didn't hit any icebergs...

Albert Finney

The great actor Albert Finney has passed away at age 82. Above is one of the first scenes I think of when I think of Finney. It's from one of my favorite movies Miller's Crossing. But I think this scene from Miller's Crossing shows the type of person Finney was. Did you see Finney? He was dressed in drag as the housemaid. All his scenes in the film were done but he stuck around because he was having so much fun with the production. And the Coen brothers liked him so much they put him into that scene as a lark.

He was great in the original Murder on the Orient Express. (The remake was shit.) Literally for decades I didn't recognize Finney as Poirot.

And this musical number from Scrooge always puts a smile on my face.

Finney had a long career. He first appeared on screen in 1956 and his final appearances came in 2012 - as Kincade in Skyfall and as Dr. Hirsch in The Bourne Legacy. Such a versatile man. Such a great career.

The world is a poorer place today.

World Famous Detective

I have a soft spot for the movie Murder on the Orient Express. Even though I've seen the movie about 20-times there's one piece of language that gets me thinking every time. 

In the movie - when people first hear the name Hercule Poirot - the reaction is the same. They all ask "The world famous detective?" That always gets me thinking. Is there such a thing as a world famous detective? I've racked my brain and I cannot think of a single one - not past nor present. 

Maybe its just me but that realization strikes me that vampires are probably closer to reality than characters like Hercule Poirot or Sherlock Holmes.

Oh and don't watch the remake of Murder on the Orient Express - it's shit!

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

This is amazing... If I were a CSI investigator every time my wife handed me something I'd bag it and declare "Now it's evidence!" until my wife stopped handing me things or divorced... "True evil has a face you know and a voice you trust. El Mano Negra." Long read but a chilling account about a deadly hit man responsible for about 35 murders... They say that Saint Augustine did something very bad as a youth and it was his guilt that turned him to Christianity. I wonder if what he did was worse than the re-make of Murder on the Orient Express... Heh heh - David Sedaris as Billie Holiday... One of life's great mysteries is how simply placing a piece of white bread with a batch of home-made cookies can keep the cookies from going stale in the cookie jar... Brain Grenade would be a good name for a band (or a hipster poet)...

Murder on the Orient Express and the Worst Movies I've Ever Seen

So last night I finally saw Murder on the Orient Express and it was awful! How awful? This was an actual conversation with my girlfriend:

Me: This movie is awful compared to the original.
Her: This movie is awful compared to anything.

I really couldn't disagree. We saw the movie at the Elm Street Draught House a fun, funky theater where they serve pizza and beer. We would have walked out on the film but I had ordered a pitcher of Bud Light and I wasn't wasting good beer. The experience did make me think of the worst movies I've ever seen in a movie theater though.

1. Murder on the Orient Express - gets top spot because it's freshest in my memory. The acting was terrible and they made changes to the characters and plot from the book and original film that only served to further upset me. Hard to believe this movie is at 58% on Rotten Tomatoes because this flick was crap.

2. Basketcase - had a date pick this movie back in high school. We didn't last very long as a couple.

3. Ruby Sparks - can't believe this dreck is at 75% on Rotten Tomatoes. It was so bad that me and my girlfriend walked out.

4. Birdman - I know people loved this Michael Keaton vehicle but I thought it was horrible. Oh one long pretentious shot - crap!

5. Batman vs Superman - I walked out of this disappointing experience about an hour forty-five into the movie.

Really couldn't think of a bad sixth movie so I guess my track record isn't that bad. Your taste in movies may differ.

Murder on the Orient Express

Last year I predicted that the re-make of Murder on the Orient Express would do about as well as the recent re-make of Ben Hur. Not sure if that prediction holds true as the re-make of Murder on the Orient Express made more in its opening weekend ($28 million) than the re-make of Ben Hur made in total ($26 million).

I'm on the fence about seeing the movie. The reviews I've seen haven't been all that positive but it's at 58% on Rotten Tomatoes. I've made no qualms about the fact that the original Murder on the Orient Express is one of those movies that if I see it playing have to watch the rest. Just love the flick. My gut tells though that instead of paying to see the remake my money would be better off buying the original Murder on the Orient Express on Amazon. In fact for about the same cost of one ticket to the new Murder on the Orient Express I could buy the original and the vastly underrated (in my opinion) Breakheart Pass. 

While I'm on the subject of Murder on the Orient Express let me revisit one of my pet peeves - there's no such thing as a "world famous detective"!

World Famous Detective

I have a soft spot for the movie Murder on the Orient Express. Even though I've seen the movie about 20-times there's one piece of language that gets me thinking every time. 

In the movie - when people first hear the name Hercule Poirot - the reaction is the same. They all ask "The world famous detective?" That always gets me thinking. Is there such a thing as a world famous detective? I've racked my brain and I cannot think of a single one - not past nor present. 

Maybe its just me but that realization strikes me that vampires are probably closer to reality than characters like Hercule Poirot or Sherlock Holmes.

As an aside not sure how I feel about the upcoming remake (but I'll probably see it).

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

In New England yesterday Big Papi played his last regular season game as a member of the Boston Red Sox but viewership of that game was dwarfed by viewership of the last Patriots game without Tom Brady. That shows where the sports priorities are in Boston... Roger Goodell continues to be well liked in Foxboro... A remake of Murder on the Orient Express should go over just as well as the recent remake of Ben Hur... An anagram for "Elon Musk's trip to Mars" is "Trump looms as stinker"... This is the ad the Red Sox ran in yesterday's Boston Globe to honor David Ortiz. It should be noted that both the Red Sox and Globe have the same owner... Every time I find a dead fruit fly in the head of my beer I think, "That's the way he wanted to die"...  Maybe it's just me but I consider the TV remote control as a much bigger invention than sliced bread... All of David Ortiz's Fenway Park HR since 2001... "With Great Pumpkin come great responsibility" - Linus... I don't care about yesterday's win versus the Patriots - I still say that Rex Ryan is just Rich Kotite with better PR and a foot fetish... Heh heh... What question has caused more fights among friends? Last year's "Is the dress blue or gold"? Or this year's "Hillary of Trump"?...

World Famous Detective

I have a soft spot for the movie Murder on the Orient Express. Even though I've seen the movie about 20-times there's one piece of language that gets me thinking every time. 

In the movie - when people first hear the name Hercule Poirot - the reaction is the same. They all ask "The world famous detective?" That always gets me thinking. Is there such a thing as a world famous detective? I've racked my brain and I cannot think of a single one - not past nor present. 

Maybe its just me but that realization strikes me that vampires are probably closer to reality than characters like Hercule Poirot or Sherlock Holmes.

World Famous Detective

I have a soft spot for the movie Murder on the Orient Express. It was on last night and once again I watched it. Even though it was like the 20th time I've seen the movie - a new thought struck me while watching the film.

In the movie - when people first hear the name Hercule Poirot - the reaction is the same. They all ask "The world famous detective?" That got me thinking. Is there such a thing as a world famous detective? I racked my brain and I cannot think of a single one - not past or present.

Maybe its just me but the realization had never struck me before that vampires were closer to reality than characters like Hercule Poirot or Sherlock Holmes.