Some Memes You Mat Enjoy

Many a truth is said in jest,

- Can't unsee this.

- Fake Donald Trump statement on the murder of  Peanut. What will the cat ladies say about this?

- Never identified more with Grandpa Simpson.

- Be honest.

Some Memes You May Enjoy

Many a truth is said in jest.

- One of my favorites.

- Funny because its true!

- Good idea

- Words Matter

Some Memes You May Enjoy

Many a truth is said in jest. 

- Reminder that the CDC always has your health as its top priority.

- Remains funny

- My favorite JFK quote

- Simpsons did it!

McBain (Full Movie)

Quotes for Today

 Some quotes I hope may resonate with you.

"He who buys what he doesn't need steals from himself." - Swedish Proverb

"If you're good at something, never do it for free." - The Joker

"I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever. And when they get in, I'm back on the streets, with all my crime buddies."- Sideshow Bob

""The truth is most people don't change their mind they just die." - Elon Musk

The Skeleton Key to The Simpsons

This one obituary explains so much about The Simpsons.

Homer, Marge, Lisa, Maggie, even the Wiggums - all right there in the obituary of Matt Groening's mom. Groening was, of course, the creator of the show The Simpsons.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- Aaron Rodgers is giving off some Hunter Biden vibes after yesterday's loss. Maybe it's just me.

- Donating blood could slow aging along with other health benefits.

- Myocarditis is a very real risk from COVID (and from vaccines). Risk is highest in under 16 boys and people over 75.

- The Simpsons have always had an uncanny ability to predict the future.

- To Bill Belichick, Style Doesn't Matter 

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

"Executive function" is defined as "a set of cognitive functions necessary for the cognitive control of behavior, selecting and successfully monitoring behaviors that facilitate the attainment of chosen goals." The more I watch Joe Biden give speeches the more I wonder how much executive function we actually have in the Executive Branch of the government... Good writing advice... So let me get this straight - 8 State Senators from Texas fled the state in order to avoid voting on the Voter ID Bill in the state but not enough Democrat State Senators fled to prevent a quorum and the Bill passed despite the well covered party plane ride of the  8 State Senators. Are these folks getting their political strategy from Animal House?... Tina Louise is the only surviving cast member from Gilligan's Island so that means that if you still prefer Mary Ann over Ginger - you are some sort of ghoul... Would love if some reporter asked Joe Biden what he thought of the movie CATS just to watch his response. Pretty sure he wouldn't know how to react...  

The Warning of Sideshow Bob!

From The Simpsons episode The Black Widower where Sideshow Bob marries Bart's aunt Selma with the intention of murdering her on their wedding night by blowing her up in a hotel room full of natural gas (oops sorry for the spoiler):

Sideshow Bob, "But wait, if you saved Selma, why did the room explode?"

Chief Wiggum: "Me and the boys were celebrating a job well done," [cut to Wiggum, Homer, and a few cops smoking cigars] "When I threw my match in the vicinity of the crime scene."

The police start to take Sideshow Bob away, and he yells, "I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever. And when they get in, I'm back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies!" (Maniacal laughter).

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- The optimistic view of the Korean Peace negotiations.

- It's time for common sense to prevail and the Mueller probe to end.

- Iran regime "humiliated" after daring Mossad raid

- Good for Matt Groening

- And the pessimistic view of the Korean Peace negotiations

- Thinking about thinking (and multitasking is bad)

- Sports Illustrated cover 14-years ago today.

Homer at the Bat Turns 25

Today marks the 25th anniversary of The Simpsons episode Homer at the Bat. Below is a parody of that episode I wrote in 2005. I think it still holds up.

The Curse of the Simpsons

Hello, my name is Bob Ley and welcome to Outside the Lines. Tonight we look at what is being called “the Curse of the Simpsons.”

On February 20, 1992 the Simpsons’ episode “Homer at the Bat” aired and featured some of baseball’s brightest stars but the question now comes up – what did these stars have to do in order to be on the show and what price did they pay for that momentary bit of extra fame?

According to the Official Simpsons Website the episode’s plot was the following: 

Mr. Burns makes a million dollar bet with his arch-rival Aristotle Amadopolis that the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant team will beat the Shelbyville Nuclear Power Plant team in the softball championships. To ensure victory, Burns hires a number of ringers, including pro baseball players Darryl Strawberry, Ken Griffey, Jr., Steve Sax, Roger Clemens, Jose Canseco, Don Mattingly, Ozzie Smith, Wade Boggs and Mike Scioscia to replace the plant employees he cut from the team. But as game day approaches, the pros all succumb to various strange ailments and accidents that prevent them from playing and it's up to Homer and his teammates to beat the Shelbyville team. With bases loaded and the score tied in the ninth inning, Homer is sent to bat and wins the game when the pitch hits him in the head and accidentally scores a homer."

Most of the stars were at the top of their game before agreeing to appear on the show but after the show most started hitting the skids. Coincidence – Outside the Lines thinks not.

In studio we have one of the stars of the show – Homer Simpson. Homer, welcome to Outside the Lines. You get many big name stars on the show – is there any special arrangement to get these stars? What about the baseball players featured in “Homer at the Bat”? 

Homer: To answer your question Kent – normally guest stars work for scale to be on our show because it is such a status symbol to be on the Simpsons. However, in this case the boss wanted something extra.

Who is your boss? What was the something extra required of the baseball players?

Homer: Well I report directly to Satan or as we like to call him – Ned. In order to be on the show the baseball players had to sign over their souls. You know standard stuff.

Wait a second are you saying that Ned Flanders is Satan and that the baseball players had to sign over their souls to be on the show?

Homer: Yep. You deaf or something? All the players really wanted to be on the show and Ned made them pay. 

Darryl Strawberry?

Homer: Hmmmmmm strawberries……….Oops – sorry. I felt bad about Straw. He was such a good kid before he came on the show. I’m afraid we introduced him to a little too much of the Hollywood lifestyle. You know constant drugs and hookers. I guess it made quite the impression on him.

Ken Griffey Jr.? 

Homer: Yep. Satan is still screwing with him. I guess Griffey has become sort of a hobby for Ned.

Steve Sax?

Homer: Oh boy! That was a good one. You know the throws to first were my idea. 

Jose Canseco?

Homer: Do you even have to ask on that one? The guy slept with Madonna. I guess he figured he was doomed anyway.

Don Mattingly?

Homer: You know Don started off as a really nice guy but working for so long with Steinbrenner just sorta wore him down. I still remember watching Mattingly’s last game on the set of the Simpsons. Ned comes over - sees Don on the TV and says, “Next year the Yankees win the World Series" and then he starts with that laugh of his.

Mike Scioscia? 

Homer: Well Mike was sorta of a charity case. He sold his soul to get into the major leagues. 

Wade Boggs? You can't say Wade Boggs sold his soul - I mean he was just elected to the Hall of Fame.

Homer: Actually Wade Boggs was the only one that wasn’t asked to sign away his soul. If you remember - in the show Wade gets beat up by Barney Gumble. Ned had Wade Boggs on as a favor to all the cast. We all wanted to beat him up but Barney won the lottery.

Wait a minute Homer. What about Ozzie Smith? I grant you all the other stars did seem to rapidly dim after being on the show but Ozzie was also voted into the Hall of Fame. You can’t ask us to believe that Ozzie sold his soul.

Homer: Well - you know how we all thought it kinda funny to portray Ned as the devil knowing full well that he really was the devil. Who knew that Ozzie really was a Wizard? The Wizard of Oz! We all thought it was just something people called him. That summersault he does before all his games is really a kind of counter curse you know.

Roger Clemens has over 300 wins and has won multiple Cy Young Awards. Surely he didn’t sign his soul away.

Homer: Roger was the first to sign. That guy is as dumb as a post. The funny thing is that by signing with Toronto – Clemens proved that he didn’t have a soul so the deal was null and void.

Please hold on just a second. I understand from our producers that joining us via a telephone hook-up is Ned Flanders. Mr. Flanders on this show tonight Homer Simpson has alleged that you are in fact the devil and that in 1992 you required a number of all-star baseball players to sign away their souls in order to be on the show the Simpsons. Can you comment on this?

Ned Flanders (aka Satan): Okily dokily Bob-arino. All that Homer said is as right as rain. Baseball players are some of my best customers next to SportsCenter anchors of course but you know I wasn’t going to take their souls until my boss insisted.

Your boss? Who would that be?

Ned Flanders (aka Satan): James L. Brooks of course.

Well that makes sense. I’m Bob Ley and this has been Outside the Lines. Please join us tomorrow night when our topic will be “Are we ready for an openly gay football mascot?”

In a Gadda Da Vida

You don't hear this classic enough. When I hear this song I normally think of Bart Simpson tricking the church organist into playing it under the guise of "In a Garden of Eden". Or I think of the climatic sequence in the movie Manhunter.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- Wish I saw this when it was time to do my high school yearbook quote.

- Who knew? Prince was a Republican

- The Simpsons were going to do a Prince episode but the Purple One turned it down

- Charlie Murphy with a great story about playing Prince in basketball

- Great Vin Scully Prince story

- The science of why we sleep badly the first night in a new place

- Boo! The UK will not name their new ship Boaty McBoatface. Makes no difference because this is how most people will forever view the new ship.

- The 2016 Audubon Photography Award winners

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- I agree with these proposed changes to NCAA sports. I would add one more though - all revenue from sports is taxable.

- I also agree with these - 10 rules of a Dublin Pub

- Heh heh

- Never noticed this

- Bowe Bergdahl "the Golden Chicken" should be shot

- Fixed State lotteries

- Doug Flutie's touching tribute to his parents who died an hour a part

- Cool - an octopus uses a coconut as armor

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

As people are arguing over what the Red Sox should do with Mike Napoli and 1st base - it should be remembered that the Red Sox gave up All-Star Anthony Rizzo for 282 games of Adrian Gonzalez... Cool history lesson - the last battle of the Revolutionary War actually happened in India... Thinking of writing a series of books called The Adventures of Olive Picasso. It would be about an anorexic world famous artist and her yacht enthusiast boyfriend... Who knew? 666 may be the mark of the beast but 01360 is the Zip Code for Satan's Kingdom... Now that we've taken care of the Confederate flag - can we finally address how racist Nabisco Cheese Nips are?... Well played Ted Cruz. Well played... Booze tip - hard apple cider with a shot of cranberry vodka over ice makes for a delicious summertime drink... It's funny because it's (painfully) true...

Homer at the Bat

It was 23 years ago tonight that Fox aired The Simpsons episode Homer at the Bat.

Here's a history of the episode.

Or here you can read what really happened.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- The Simpsons first aired 25-years ago today. Here are 17 facts you might not have known about the first episode.

- Footage of the extent of the damage Greenpeace did to the Nazca Lines. Fuck Greenpeace!

- Heh heh - don't ever change Slick Willy - don't ever change.

- Nice remembrance of Christopher Hitchens who died three-years ago yesterday.

- 40-years ago Young Frankenstein was released to the world. Here's 15 fun facts about the classic comedy.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

As a Red Sox fan I'm really not comfortable knowing that the guy responsible for hiring Bobby Valentine will also be the guy heavily involved in trying to re-sign Jon Lester... The Simpsons accurately predict the future... Pelosi's Sex Tape would be a good name for a band or fantasy football team... I'm kinda hoping Donald Sterling retains control of the Clippers just to see if Doc Rivers and Chris Paul would really sit out the season... Has it really been 10-years since Varitek smooshed his glove in A-Rod's face?... Frisky Bisuits would also be a good name for a band or fantasy football team... Obscure Snapple Fact - during the course of a year you will swallow two live frogs in your sleep...

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- I really can't look at this photo of Bartolo Colon "hitting" without laughing

- This is incredibly poignant 

- The dark and dangerous world of extreme cavers

- Cool - photos taken inside of musical instruments

- Cooler - The Simpsons will air an entire episode in Lego

- Interesting interview with George RR Martin

- Interestinger interview with Jack Gleason (King Joffrey)

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting and thought I'd share.

- If you are a Firefly fan - the new comic Leaves on the Wind take over where the movie Serenity left off.

- Interesting profile of Bob Hooks the forgotten Texas road gambler

- From back when men were men - Artic explorer Peter Freuchen and his wife Dagmar Gale (the photo just strikes me as amusing)

- Castle for sale - title of Baron of Cavers available separately

- Starting in August you'll be able to legally stream every episode of The Simpsons. Whoo hoo!

- 19 scathing political put-downs

- Heh heh - more NFL bad lip reading