Though not widely remembered today - at one point Saint Cornelius of Ireland (not to be confused with Saint Cornelius of Antioch) was second in popularity in the Emerald Isle only to Saint Patrick.
Saint Patrick is remembered for driving the snakes out of Ireland. Saint Cornelius was said to have driven the squirrels out of Ireland. This "miracle" of Saint Cornelius later proved to be his undoing. During the Great Potato Famine starving Irishmen and women wished they had tasty squirrel meat to eat and they cursed Saint Cornelius for driving out the furry rodents. In response to this outrage - Pope Pius IX removed Cornelius from the roll of official Catholic Saints.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Michigan Results in a Nutshell
Last night Ann Romney at the end of a long list thanked Kid Rock for helping her husband win the Michigan Primary. And last night Rick Santorum failed to thank Michael Moore even though Santorum's plea for Democrats to cross over and vote for him was a cause that the fat film-maker took up con mucho gusto.
Some people have speculated that the cross-over - voting as a joke - support was equal to about 6% of Santorum's overall total in Michigan. That 6% may get him a couple of delegates but it will in hindsight be the final nail in the coffin of his campaign. I hope the Romney campaign doesn't miss the opportunity to cudgel Santorum over the head with this issue. Stress things like "Santorum claims to be the real conservative in the race but then he looks for support from people like Michael Moore. Who does he think he is? Arlen Spector?"
Politics ain't beanbag.
Some people have speculated that the cross-over - voting as a joke - support was equal to about 6% of Santorum's overall total in Michigan. That 6% may get him a couple of delegates but it will in hindsight be the final nail in the coffin of his campaign. I hope the Romney campaign doesn't miss the opportunity to cudgel Santorum over the head with this issue. Stress things like "Santorum claims to be the real conservative in the race but then he looks for support from people like Michael Moore. Who does he think he is? Arlen Spector?"
Politics ain't beanbag.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
How Jason Varitek Came to Town
Alex Speier has an excellent look back at the trade that brought Jason Varitek and Derek Lowe to Boston. Great insight into how that trade came to be. I found it most interesting that the deal ended up being a compromise - the Red Sox actually wanted pitcher Ken Cloude for Heathcliff Slocumb but "settled" for Varitek and Lowe.
Whenever this great robbery of a trade is brought up by a Red Sox fan - I always like to remind people that Boston also traded Jamie Moyer to Seattle for Darren Bragg. Moyer went on to win 133 games over the next 10 seasons for the Mariners.
While we are looking back at the career of Varitek - here is something I wrote the day after he smushed his mitt in A-Rod's face.
Whenever this great robbery of a trade is brought up by a Red Sox fan - I always like to remind people that Boston also traded Jamie Moyer to Seattle for Darren Bragg. Moyer went on to win 133 games over the next 10 seasons for the Mariners.
While we are looking back at the career of Varitek - here is something I wrote the day after he smushed his mitt in A-Rod's face.
Flotsam and Jetsam
Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.
Conspiracy theory - this year's Daytona 500 was a result of EA Sports combining the classic game Spyhunter with a new NASCAR game... "I don't like violence Mr. Selig. I'm a businessman and urine is a big expense." Dialog from the new movie The Braunfather... My favorite bit of Oscars trivia is the fact that the Oscar Jimmy Stewart won for The Philadelphia Story was displayed in the window of his dad's hardware store in Pennsylvania... I'm still a little fuzzy about the science behind Hot Tub Time Machine... Did you know that during Joe DiMaggio's 56-game hit streak - he hit .408 while during that same stretch of games Ted Williams hit .414? Isn't that a great stat?... In modern money - the ransoms paid to free King Richard the Lionheart would be worth a little over $2 billion in today's dollars (34 tons of gold)... Who knew? The first basketball game ever on TV was Fordham vs Pittsburgh on this day in 1940. The game was played at Madison Square Garden... Speaking of college basketball - happy 81st birthday to basketball coaching legend Dean Smith...
Conspiracy theory - this year's Daytona 500 was a result of EA Sports combining the classic game Spyhunter with a new NASCAR game... "I don't like violence Mr. Selig. I'm a businessman and urine is a big expense." Dialog from the new movie The Braunfather... My favorite bit of Oscars trivia is the fact that the Oscar Jimmy Stewart won for The Philadelphia Story was displayed in the window of his dad's hardware store in Pennsylvania... I'm still a little fuzzy about the science behind Hot Tub Time Machine... Did you know that during Joe DiMaggio's 56-game hit streak - he hit .408 while during that same stretch of games Ted Williams hit .414? Isn't that a great stat?... In modern money - the ransoms paid to free King Richard the Lionheart would be worth a little over $2 billion in today's dollars (34 tons of gold)... Who knew? The first basketball game ever on TV was Fordham vs Pittsburgh on this day in 1940. The game was played at Madison Square Garden... Speaking of college basketball - happy 81st birthday to basketball coaching legend Dean Smith...
Monday, February 27, 2012
Linky Links
Stuff I found interesting and thought I'd share.
Jeff Passan takes a very critical look at Ryan Braun - tough to argue against what he wrote. The one exception is I don't think he takes the leak of what was supposed to be private testing seriously enough.
Story of Mitt Romney saving some strangers. Well known in Massachusetts but it is strange story hasn't gotten more play nationally. Maybe campaign was waiting until NJ primary?
5 Biggest Whoppers In Obama's Energy Speech
Interesting insight into some great TV history - Being Fred Mertz: The Life of William Frawley
In 1988 there was a live-action musical version of Puss in Boots starring Christopher Walken as Puss. One of the most awesome things on the Internet EVER!
Government Motors
Mickey Kaus makes some good points. "GM's stock is in the basement for a reason" would make a good political bumper sticker or debate point. And just as a reminder what the GM bailout entailed - and how they really haven't paid the taxpayers back - here's a good minute and a half primer from Reason TV.
I'll make a prediction right here - during a Presidential Debate President Obama will say or claim something that will cause the stock of GM to sharply decline even further. Something like the government will be selling (dumping) its share in GM by the end of the year or something like that.
I'll make a prediction right here - during a Presidential Debate President Obama will say or claim something that will cause the stock of GM to sharply decline even further. Something like the government will be selling (dumping) its share in GM by the end of the year or something like that.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Ryan Zimmerman's New Contract
Ryan Zimmerman has signed a new extension with the Washington Nationals so he will be under contract for $126 million up to 2019 or with the option $150 million up to 2020. Jon Heyman thinks the Nationals paid too much for a 1-time All-Star. Tom Verducci recently compared Zimmerman to Chase Headley - a comparison that was not meant to be flattering.
I wonder why the Nationals had to do a contract now (Zimmerman was under contract till after the 2013 season) but I'm not so sure if they over paid. If they get the next Eric Chavez with an injury prone career then Verducci and Heyman get to crow. But what if Ryan Zimmerman plays like Scott Rolen in his age 26-35 seasons where Rolen averaged 126 games and 19 HR. Would that be acceptable for the "face" of the franchise who would be making an average of $16.7 million for those 9 seasons? For the last 6-seasons Zimmerman has averaged a 137.5 games and a little over 21 HR per season so it would seem a Rolen comparison would be reasonable. Did the Phillies make a mistake in not wrapping up Scott Rolen when he was the same age as Zimmerman? During that span Rolen made 6 All-Star games and won 5 Gold Gloves.
The thing I keep thinking of is the fact that Jacoby Ellsbury was taken in the same draft and same round as Ryan Zimmermanand is basically the same age (Ellsbury is slightly older). If the Red Sox were to wrap him up for the next 9 seasons at an average of $16.7 million then I would think the Red Sox made a good deal. I wonder if Jon Heyman would argue then that the Red Sox were over-paying for a 1-time All-Star?
I wonder why the Nationals had to do a contract now (Zimmerman was under contract till after the 2013 season) but I'm not so sure if they over paid. If they get the next Eric Chavez with an injury prone career then Verducci and Heyman get to crow. But what if Ryan Zimmerman plays like Scott Rolen in his age 26-35 seasons where Rolen averaged 126 games and 19 HR. Would that be acceptable for the "face" of the franchise who would be making an average of $16.7 million for those 9 seasons? For the last 6-seasons Zimmerman has averaged a 137.5 games and a little over 21 HR per season so it would seem a Rolen comparison would be reasonable. Did the Phillies make a mistake in not wrapping up Scott Rolen when he was the same age as Zimmerman? During that span Rolen made 6 All-Star games and won 5 Gold Gloves.
The thing I keep thinking of is the fact that Jacoby Ellsbury was taken in the same draft and same round as Ryan Zimmermanand is basically the same age (Ellsbury is slightly older). If the Red Sox were to wrap him up for the next 9 seasons at an average of $16.7 million then I would think the Red Sox made a good deal. I wonder if Jon Heyman would argue then that the Red Sox were over-paying for a 1-time All-Star?
Linky Links
Stuff I found interesting and thought I'd share.
Gary Sinise - An American Hero. If you support one of his charities great. If not you can indirectly support him by watching CSI New York or writing an email to CBS telling them how much you like Gary Sinise and his show CSI New York
Buck Showalter Signing Autographs For Three Amish Guys
Now that Tony La Russa is gone from Cardinals' camp, Ozzie Smith is back
"My Faith: What I learned from my 46-day beer-only fast" Many guys will read this and seriously think about a beer-only fast. But keep in mind that he was drinking just 5 beers max a day. Now if those 5 beers were 40 ounce then maybe we could talk
Cool - how a fly mimics a spider
WTF? The Badgermin
Jimmy Fallon sings Pearl Jams "Jeremy' (Lin)
Images of literary characters made from police sketch software
The penthouse where NASCAR was founded in 1947 is now a gay bar
Johnny Cash
"Locusts and honey... not since John the Baptist has there been a voice like that crying in the wilderness... Every man knows he is a sissy compared to Johnny Cash." - Bono from U2Today would have been Johnny Cash's 80th birthday. In his honor here's a few links to all-things Johnny Cash.
Alabama 3 singing their very underrated Hello I'm Johnny Cash
Norah Jones plays Johnny Cash at the Webbys
The story of A Boy Named Sue which was written by Shel Sliverstein (not some random convict)
One of the most iconic photos in Rock and Roll history
The Johnny Cash Project - the video used at Norah Jones performance at the Webbys but with Johnny Cash singing Ain't No GraveAnd of course - what I consider the greatest cover song ever - Johnny Cash's version of Hurt.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
George Harrison
Today would have been George Harrison's 69th birthday. This seemed like a worthy tribute.
Flotsam and Jetsam
Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.
If they made this Ryan Braun saga into a movie - would Harrison Ford be too old to play Bud Selig?... 25 Photos of Mitt Romney looking perfectly normal. Call me a sap but I think these are cool... Just saying but if I was to go to the trouble to tamper with Ryan Braun's urine sample - I probably would have leaked the positive test results to ESPN too. It would be amusing if someone went to a lot of trouble to frame Ryan Braun but some Mr. Bean courier and his son screwed things up by being incompetent... Walter Arlington Latham (the Freshest Man on Earth) - they really did have much better nicknames back in the old days... I still think that if a player in any sport fails a drug test - the team should lose that roster spot for the entire length of the suspension. For example - if Braun was suspended for 50 games then the Brewers would lose a spot on their 25-man roster until Braun came back. I think that would end much of the cheating if the team had to share in the punishment... No conspiracy - Ron Paul and his people just don't like Rick Santorum... Ryan Braun may have a suit against MLB under HIPAA Privacy laws. The leaking of personal health information and the resultant damage that caused I'm guessing is very actionable. I wouldn't doubt if that is the potential legal action Braun was referring to yesterday... Flying owl filmed at 1000 frames per second - very cool... Nick Punto is the second player to wear number 5 since Nomar Garciaparra left town and both players wore the number in homage to Nomar (who they first checked with to make sure it was OK). Since Wade Boggs left town - 11 players have worn number 26 and none of them were honoring Boggs. Think of that the next time some uninformed sportswriter writes about retiring Boggs' number. The Red Sox aren't interested and neither are the fans... Kenny Fucking Powers!...
If they made this Ryan Braun saga into a movie - would Harrison Ford be too old to play Bud Selig?... 25 Photos of Mitt Romney looking perfectly normal. Call me a sap but I think these are cool... Just saying but if I was to go to the trouble to tamper with Ryan Braun's urine sample - I probably would have leaked the positive test results to ESPN too. It would be amusing if someone went to a lot of trouble to frame Ryan Braun but some Mr. Bean courier and his son screwed things up by being incompetent... Walter Arlington Latham (the Freshest Man on Earth) - they really did have much better nicknames back in the old days... I still think that if a player in any sport fails a drug test - the team should lose that roster spot for the entire length of the suspension. For example - if Braun was suspended for 50 games then the Brewers would lose a spot on their 25-man roster until Braun came back. I think that would end much of the cheating if the team had to share in the punishment... No conspiracy - Ron Paul and his people just don't like Rick Santorum... Ryan Braun may have a suit against MLB under HIPAA Privacy laws. The leaking of personal health information and the resultant damage that caused I'm guessing is very actionable. I wouldn't doubt if that is the potential legal action Braun was referring to yesterday... Flying owl filmed at 1000 frames per second - very cool... Nick Punto is the second player to wear number 5 since Nomar Garciaparra left town and both players wore the number in homage to Nomar (who they first checked with to make sure it was OK). Since Wade Boggs left town - 11 players have worn number 26 and none of them were honoring Boggs. Think of that the next time some uninformed sportswriter writes about retiring Boggs' number. The Red Sox aren't interested and neither are the fans... Kenny Fucking Powers!...
Friday, February 24, 2012
Ryan Braun
Here are some of my thoughts on the Ryan Braun saga.
First off - we are not talking about a crime here so let's stop with the talk about due process. Ken Rosenthal had a very good take on the subject but his one flaw was thinking this was a matter of due process. It was a case of contractual process and arbitration. If Braun was "guilty" he wasn't going to jail.
The Collective Bargaining Agreement calls for certain processes to be in place and those processes were violated by agents in the employ of MLB. If the lack of adherence had come on the part of the player - say if the player did not provide the urine sample in the presence of a MLB tester - then the sample would have been ruled invalid and rightly so. That is not to assume that the player would have tried to use a Whizzinator if the tester wasn't watching but that same adherence to the agreed upon rules has to apply on the flip side of the coin. Who's to say the courier who failed in his duties doesn't have a Matt Kemp shrine in his apartment and access to synthetic testosterone?
It has been said that the arbitrator was also influenced that Braun's sample was rumored to have three-times the testosterone of the next highest sample ever recorded. Unprecedented levels of testosterone coupled with an unprecedented breaking of the testing process guidelines really left the arbitrator with no choice but to rule the way he did.
In unrelated news - the Milwaukee Brewers announced today that Rocky Mountain Oysters will no longer be served in the Brewers clubhouse. Ryan Braun was the only player eating them anyways.
Let me just say that MLB looks bad in this episode. They responded by saying they "vehemently disagreed" with the arbitrator's decision. They "vehemently disagree"? Is that how it works? MLB disagrees. Overruled. No, no, no - we VEHEMENTLY disagree! Oh, well if you vehemently disagree then the arbitrator should take some time to reconsider - NOT! (Someone at ESPN should definitely get Kevin Pollack to read MLB's statement.)
According to a Tweet from Ken Rosenthal - the 2-1 vote was the result of Union chief Michael Weiner and independent arbitrator Shyam Das siding with Braun while Rob Manfred of MLB voting against Braun. Is it just me or does this seem like a strange arrangement that would always result in any case starting off at 1-1? Why bother having the Union and MLB voters in the first place? Just have the arbitrator. Saying it was a 2-1 vote instead of an arbitrator's decision just makes it worse in my opinion.
First off - we are not talking about a crime here so let's stop with the talk about due process. Ken Rosenthal had a very good take on the subject but his one flaw was thinking this was a matter of due process. It was a case of contractual process and arbitration. If Braun was "guilty" he wasn't going to jail.
The Collective Bargaining Agreement calls for certain processes to be in place and those processes were violated by agents in the employ of MLB. If the lack of adherence had come on the part of the player - say if the player did not provide the urine sample in the presence of a MLB tester - then the sample would have been ruled invalid and rightly so. That is not to assume that the player would have tried to use a Whizzinator if the tester wasn't watching but that same adherence to the agreed upon rules has to apply on the flip side of the coin. Who's to say the courier who failed in his duties doesn't have a Matt Kemp shrine in his apartment and access to synthetic testosterone?
It has been said that the arbitrator was also influenced that Braun's sample was rumored to have three-times the testosterone of the next highest sample ever recorded. Unprecedented levels of testosterone coupled with an unprecedented breaking of the testing process guidelines really left the arbitrator with no choice but to rule the way he did.
In unrelated news - the Milwaukee Brewers announced today that Rocky Mountain Oysters will no longer be served in the Brewers clubhouse. Ryan Braun was the only player eating them anyways.
Let me just say that MLB looks bad in this episode. They responded by saying they "vehemently disagreed" with the arbitrator's decision. They "vehemently disagree"? Is that how it works? MLB disagrees. Overruled. No, no, no - we VEHEMENTLY disagree! Oh, well if you vehemently disagree then the arbitrator should take some time to reconsider - NOT! (Someone at ESPN should definitely get Kevin Pollack to read MLB's statement.)
According to a Tweet from Ken Rosenthal - the 2-1 vote was the result of Union chief Michael Weiner and independent arbitrator Shyam Das siding with Braun while Rob Manfred of MLB voting against Braun. Is it just me or does this seem like a strange arrangement that would always result in any case starting off at 1-1? Why bother having the Union and MLB voters in the first place? Just have the arbitrator. Saying it was a 2-1 vote instead of an arbitrator's decision just makes it worse in my opinion.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Linky Links
Stuff I found interesting and thought I'd share.
FX renews "Archer." Hooray!
Is Andruw Jones a Hall of Famer? I'm on the fence
What was Ryan Braun guilty of? He was guilty of this!
Is the girl in the background Mr. Bean's daughter?
Tom Izzo is an amazing 23-1-1 against the spread in 2nd half lines this season
Pat Forde with a very interesting look at Larry Eustachy's rise from the ashes of alcoholism
The Theory of (almost) Everything!
Wilt Chamberlain, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Andre the Giant on the set of Conan. Awesome!
Tusk
I have a soft spot for this Fleetwood Mac song. I also think the video gives you a good idea of why Mick Fleetwood was the model for Animal from The Muppet's Show.
Homer at the Bat - the Parody
This past week The Simpsons aired its 500th episode. This sparked many Simpsons conversations and Deadspin actually did a very good look back at one of the most famous Simpsons episodes - Homer at the Bat. Seven years ago I did a parody of that very episode. I think it stands up pretty well against the test of time so - I'm posting it again today.
The Curse of the Simpsons
Hello, my name is Bob Ley and welcome to Outside the Lines. Tonight we look at what is being called “the Curse of the Simpsons.”
On February 20, 1992 the Simpsons’ episode “Homer at the Bat” aired and featured some of baseball’s brightest stars but the question now comes up – what did these stars have to do in order to be on the show and what price did they pay for that momentary bit of extra fame?
According to the Official Simpsons Website the episode’s plot was the following:
In studio we have one of the stars of the show – Homer Simpson. Homer, welcome to Outside the Lines. You get many big name stars on the show – is there any special arrangement to get these stars? What about the baseball players featured in “Homer at the Bat”?
Homer: To answer your question Kent – normally guest stars work for scale to be on our show because it is such a status symbol to be on the Simpsons. However, in this case the boss wanted something extra.
Who is your boss? What was the something extra required of the baseball players?
Homer: Well I report directly to Satan or as we like to call him – Ned. In order to be on the show the baseball players had to sign over their souls. You know standard stuff.
Wait a second are you saying that Ned Flanders is Satan and that the baseball players had to sign over their souls to be on the show?
Homer: Yep. You deaf or something? All the players really wanted to be on the show and Ned made them pay.
Darryl Strawberry?
Homer: Hmmmmmm strawberries……….Oops – sorry. I felt bad about Straw. He was such a good kid before he came on the show. I’m afraid we introduced him to a little too much of the Hollywood lifestyle. You know constant drugs and hookers. I guess it made quite the impression on him.
Ken Griffey Jr.?
Homer: Yep. Satan is still screwing with him. I guess Griffey has become sort of a hobby for Ned.
Steve Sax?
Homer: Oh boy! That was a good one. You know the throws to first were my idea.
Jose Canseco?
Homer: Do you even have to ask on that one? The guy slept with Madonna. I guess he figured he was doomed anyway.
Don Mattingly?
Homer: You know Don started off as a really nice guy but working for so long with Steinbrenner just sorta wore him down. I still remember watching Mattingly’s last game on the set of the Simpsons. Ned comes over - sees Don on the TV and says, “Next year the Yankees win the World Series" and then he starts with that laugh of his.
Mike Scioscia?
Homer: Well Mike was sorta of a charity case. He sold his soul to get into the major leagues.
Wade Boggs? You can't say Wade Boggs sold his soul - I mean he was just elected to the Hall of Fame.
Homer: Actually Wade Boggs was the only one that wasn’t asked to sign away his soul. If you remember - in the show Wade gets beat up by Barney Gumble. Ned had Wade Boggs on as a favor to all the cast. We all wanted to beat him up but Barney won the lottery.
Wait a minute Homer. What about Ozzie Smith? I grant you all the other stars did seem to rapidly dim after being on the show but Ozzie was also voted into the Hall of Fame. You can’t ask us to believe that Ozzie sold his soul.
Homer: Well - you know how we all thought it kinda funny to portray Ned as the devil knowing full well that he really was the devil. Who knew that Ozzie really was a Wizard? The Wizard of Oz! We all thought it was just something people called him. That summersault he does before all his games is really a kind of counter curse you know.
Roger Clemens has over 300 wins and has won multiple Cy Young Awards. Surely he didn’t sign his soul away.
Homer: Roger was the first to sign. That guy is as dumb as a post. The funny thing is that by signing with Toronto – Clemens proved that he didn’t have a soul so the deal was null and void.
Please hold on just a second. I understand from our producers that joining us via a telephone hook-up is Ned Flanders. Mr. Flanders on this show tonight Homer Simpson has alleged that you are in fact the devil and that in 1992 you required a number of all-star baseball players to sign away their souls in order to be on the show the Simpsons. Can you comment on this?
Ned Flanders (aka Satan): Okily dokily Bob-arino. All that Homer said is as right as rain. Baseball players are some of my best customers next to SportsCenter anchors of course but you know I wasn’t going to take their souls until my boss insisted.
Your boss? Who would that be?
Ned Flanders (aka Satan): James L. Brooks of course.
Well that makes sense. I’m Bob Ley and this has been Outside the Lines. Please join us tomorrow night when our topic will be “Are we ready for an openly gay football mascot?”
The Curse of the Simpsons
Hello, my name is Bob Ley and welcome to Outside the Lines. Tonight we look at what is being called “the Curse of the Simpsons.”
On February 20, 1992 the Simpsons’ episode “Homer at the Bat” aired and featured some of baseball’s brightest stars but the question now comes up – what did these stars have to do in order to be on the show and what price did they pay for that momentary bit of extra fame?
According to the Official Simpsons Website the episode’s plot was the following:
Mr. Burns makes a million dollar bet with his arch-rival Aristotle Amadopolis that the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant team will beat the Shelbyville Nuclear Power Plant team in the softball championships. To ensure victory, Burns hires a number of ringers, including pro baseball players Darryl Strawberry, Ken Griffey, Jr., Steve Sax, Roger Clemens, Jose Canseco, Don Mattingly, Ozzie Smith, Wade Boggs and Mike Scioscia to replace the plant employees he cut from the team. But as game day approaches, the pros all succumb to various strange ailments and accidents that prevent them from playing and it's up to Homer and his teammates to beat the Shelbyville team. With bases loaded and the score tied in the ninth inning, Homer is sent to bat and wins the game when the pitch hits him in the head and accidentally scores a homer."Most of the stars were at the top of their game before agreeing to appear on the show but after the show most started hitting the skids. Coincidence – Outside the Lines thinks not.
In studio we have one of the stars of the show – Homer Simpson. Homer, welcome to Outside the Lines. You get many big name stars on the show – is there any special arrangement to get these stars? What about the baseball players featured in “Homer at the Bat”?
Homer: To answer your question Kent – normally guest stars work for scale to be on our show because it is such a status symbol to be on the Simpsons. However, in this case the boss wanted something extra.
Who is your boss? What was the something extra required of the baseball players?
Homer: Well I report directly to Satan or as we like to call him – Ned. In order to be on the show the baseball players had to sign over their souls. You know standard stuff.
Wait a second are you saying that Ned Flanders is Satan and that the baseball players had to sign over their souls to be on the show?
Homer: Yep. You deaf or something? All the players really wanted to be on the show and Ned made them pay.
Darryl Strawberry?
Homer: Hmmmmmm strawberries……….Oops – sorry. I felt bad about Straw. He was such a good kid before he came on the show. I’m afraid we introduced him to a little too much of the Hollywood lifestyle. You know constant drugs and hookers. I guess it made quite the impression on him.
Ken Griffey Jr.?
Homer: Yep. Satan is still screwing with him. I guess Griffey has become sort of a hobby for Ned.
Steve Sax?
Homer: Oh boy! That was a good one. You know the throws to first were my idea.
Jose Canseco?
Homer: Do you even have to ask on that one? The guy slept with Madonna. I guess he figured he was doomed anyway.
Don Mattingly?
Homer: You know Don started off as a really nice guy but working for so long with Steinbrenner just sorta wore him down. I still remember watching Mattingly’s last game on the set of the Simpsons. Ned comes over - sees Don on the TV and says, “Next year the Yankees win the World Series" and then he starts with that laugh of his.
Mike Scioscia?
Homer: Well Mike was sorta of a charity case. He sold his soul to get into the major leagues.
Wade Boggs? You can't say Wade Boggs sold his soul - I mean he was just elected to the Hall of Fame.
Homer: Actually Wade Boggs was the only one that wasn’t asked to sign away his soul. If you remember - in the show Wade gets beat up by Barney Gumble. Ned had Wade Boggs on as a favor to all the cast. We all wanted to beat him up but Barney won the lottery.
Wait a minute Homer. What about Ozzie Smith? I grant you all the other stars did seem to rapidly dim after being on the show but Ozzie was also voted into the Hall of Fame. You can’t ask us to believe that Ozzie sold his soul.
Homer: Well - you know how we all thought it kinda funny to portray Ned as the devil knowing full well that he really was the devil. Who knew that Ozzie really was a Wizard? The Wizard of Oz! We all thought it was just something people called him. That summersault he does before all his games is really a kind of counter curse you know.
Roger Clemens has over 300 wins and has won multiple Cy Young Awards. Surely he didn’t sign his soul away.
Homer: Roger was the first to sign. That guy is as dumb as a post. The funny thing is that by signing with Toronto – Clemens proved that he didn’t have a soul so the deal was null and void.
Please hold on just a second. I understand from our producers that joining us via a telephone hook-up is Ned Flanders. Mr. Flanders on this show tonight Homer Simpson has alleged that you are in fact the devil and that in 1992 you required a number of all-star baseball players to sign away their souls in order to be on the show the Simpsons. Can you comment on this?
Ned Flanders (aka Satan): Okily dokily Bob-arino. All that Homer said is as right as rain. Baseball players are some of my best customers next to SportsCenter anchors of course but you know I wasn’t going to take their souls until my boss insisted.
Your boss? Who would that be?
Ned Flanders (aka Satan): James L. Brooks of course.
Well that makes sense. I’m Bob Ley and this has been Outside the Lines. Please join us tomorrow night when our topic will be “Are we ready for an openly gay football mascot?”
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Flotsam and Jetsam
Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.
If you had bet $100 on the first game of the first game in the Detroit Red Wings 23-game winning streak and let it ride for every game - that $100 would be up to over $3.9 million today... Damn it! I started watching Downton Abbey and now I can't stop!!.... If anyone ever asked me if they could pay me in gum - I think I would punch them in the face... The Detroit Tigers are such huge favorites to win the AL Central (-$1800) that if you placed $100 on the other 4 teams in the division you would be guaranteed to win at least $1400 if the Tigers failed to win... How the greatest prankster in political history messed with Richard Nixon... Two things that I am giving up are playing solitaire on my computer and playing Keno when out at a bar. They are both wastes - one of time and one of money... The over / under for wins for the Red Sox is set at 87.5 games. I really like the over. Last year they got off to an awful start and completely collapsed in September and still managed to win 90 games... Happy 66th birthday to Boston Globe great Bob Ryan who announced his his retirement recently.
If you had bet $100 on the first game of the first game in the Detroit Red Wings 23-game winning streak and let it ride for every game - that $100 would be up to over $3.9 million today... Damn it! I started watching Downton Abbey and now I can't stop!!.... If anyone ever asked me if they could pay me in gum - I think I would punch them in the face... The Detroit Tigers are such huge favorites to win the AL Central (-$1800) that if you placed $100 on the other 4 teams in the division you would be guaranteed to win at least $1400 if the Tigers failed to win... How the greatest prankster in political history messed with Richard Nixon... Two things that I am giving up are playing solitaire on my computer and playing Keno when out at a bar. They are both wastes - one of time and one of money... The over / under for wins for the Red Sox is set at 87.5 games. I really like the over. Last year they got off to an awful start and completely collapsed in September and still managed to win 90 games... Happy 66th birthday to Boston Globe great Bob Ryan who announced his his retirement recently.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Linky Links
Stuff I found interesting and thought I'd share.
Gingrich Papers, Speeches Show Frequent Criticism of Reagan. It is also amusing that some of Reagan's positions today would be considered Liberal and Newt was to the left on some of those positions.
BetOnline is the first offshore to release MLB over/under win totals. I really like the Red Sox over of 87.5. Last year they completely collapsed in September and still had 90 wins.
I love this T-shirt
Heh Heh - How to Write a Novel by Neil Gaiman
The Bell Centre in Montreal puts an image of Gary Carter's baseball card on the ice
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Flotsam and Jetsam
Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.
There was a heavyweight title fight last night. Did anyone notice?... The fact that Mike Cameron has more career Wins Above Replacement (WAR) that Kirby Puckett shows how flawed any stat can be. How many people who saw both players in real life would have pegged Cameron as the better player? Zero maybe? Yet you can make that argument using WAR. Lies, damned lies and statistics... I wonder if Harvard is selling Jeremy Lin jerseys in their bookstore. I would think that would be a big seller... As a Red Sox fan - I would laugh my ass off if AJ Burnett flunked the physical for the Pirates and had to return to the Yankees. Please God make it so... The highest unemployment rate under President George W. Bush was 7.7% and he was crucified for it. The unemployment rate under President Obama has been over 8% basically his whole time in office. When does President Obama get held responsible for that?... FWIW - Casey Blake has a career batting average of .311 and an OPS of .999 in 103 plate appearances at Coors Field. He could be a sleeper at 3rd base if you play fantasy baseball... On this day in 1980 - Bon Scott the lead singer for AC/DC passed away. He was 34. His death remains one of the great "what might have been" moments in rock history.
There was a heavyweight title fight last night. Did anyone notice?... The fact that Mike Cameron has more career Wins Above Replacement (WAR) that Kirby Puckett shows how flawed any stat can be. How many people who saw both players in real life would have pegged Cameron as the better player? Zero maybe? Yet you can make that argument using WAR. Lies, damned lies and statistics... I wonder if Harvard is selling Jeremy Lin jerseys in their bookstore. I would think that would be a big seller... As a Red Sox fan - I would laugh my ass off if AJ Burnett flunked the physical for the Pirates and had to return to the Yankees. Please God make it so... The highest unemployment rate under President George W. Bush was 7.7% and he was crucified for it. The unemployment rate under President Obama has been over 8% basically his whole time in office. When does President Obama get held responsible for that?... FWIW - Casey Blake has a career batting average of .311 and an OPS of .999 in 103 plate appearances at Coors Field. He could be a sleeper at 3rd base if you play fantasy baseball... On this day in 1980 - Bon Scott the lead singer for AC/DC passed away. He was 34. His death remains one of the great "what might have been" moments in rock history.
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