Friday, December 23, 2005

Airing of the Grievances

Today is December 23rd - the traditional day of Festivus observance and in the spirit of the season I would like to air my grievances.

First off - Tim McCarver and Joe Morgan. What have baseball fans done to be subjcted to two such idiots season after season? I have never met a single baseball fan who likes either of these guys and yet the TV bigshots still foist them on us.

I have never liked the idea of chain restaurants having to come up with their own version of "Happy Birthday to You" just to avoid having to pay royalties. Just sing Happy Birthday to you and add a quarter to the cost of chocolate cake.

Speaking of quarters - what's with the Vermont quarter? A guy getting maple syrup from two trees? That's the best you could do Vermont?

Having to return your kid's number 18 Johnny Damon Red Sox shirt that you planned on giving for Christmas is not a valid reason for hating the Red Sox.

The ESPN Sunday Night Football broadcasting crew sucks. In real life Joe Theisman has no friends because everyone thinks he's a prick and McGuire would be the drunk at the end of the bar with an opinion on everything but who you can't understand because he slurrs his words too much. Who ever thought putting them together was a good idea?

Mentos! Fresh maker my ass!

Wade Boggs makes the Hall of Fame but Jim Rice does not? Rice was ten times the player and yet Boggs is the one to get a bronze likeness in Cooperstown? I have a very unhealthy hatred of Wade Boggs that I'm going to have to learn to deal with.

The West Wing since Aaron Sorkin left.

EDIT: SaveFarris is right - how could I forget about the abomination that is John Kruk? How does this moron get a national audience when a genius like Dennis Eckersley toils at NESN? Memo to John Kruk - being a slob was interesting for like five minutes - how about bringing something to the table for once?

EDIT2: I should have mentioned Duante Culpepper. He single handedly ruined one of my fantasy football teams. There were three weeks I would have won if I played a tackling dummy instead of Culpepper but those weeks I lost because of Culpepper's negative production.

Kal Jones makes an excellent point. What's a list of grievances without a mention of Dan Chinless Shaughnessy? If there is any justice in life then Chinless will suffer from painful rectal itch for the rest of his days.

EDIT3: Mike Farrell the former MASH "star" deserves mention simply because I didn't think it was possible for a MASH star to be more sanctimonious than Alan Alda but Farrell managed to pull that off when he defended Tookie Williams.

I will continue to add to my grievances during the course of the day. Feel free to add your grievances in the comments section.

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