Mojo Jojo to Buy Washington Nationals
In a surprise announcement, Bud Selig and Major League Baseball today announced that the winning bid for the Washington Nationals was submitted by monkey evil genius Mojo Jojo who received degrees in astrophysics and hyperbolic topography from Stanford. Jojo made his fortune in weapons manufacturing and organic potato chips. A Large Regular has been lucky enough to be the first with a for the record interview of the new owner of the Nationals.
ALR: First, congratulations on being the winning bid. What made you want to buy the Nationals?
Mojo Jojo: I say thank you to A Large Regular for the question. Mojo Jojo says thank you for the question. Owning a baseball franchise has always been a goal of mine. Well my goals used to be to destroy the Powerpuff Girls, crush Townsville, and conquer the world, in that order. But now my goals are to win the World Series, world domination and then outlawing any reference to rally monkeys although dynamite monkeys are OK - in fact new name of the team may be the Washington Dynamite Monkeys. Do not taunt the Dynamite Monkeys. Bwwhahahahah...
ALR: How did you like working with Bud Selig on this transaction.
Mojo Jojo: Bud Selig is evil but not genius. Bud Selig has small brain not gigantic brain like Mojo Jojo. Bud Selig no match for Mojo Jojo.
ALR: Do you have any plans for the team?
Mojo Jojo: Yes - Mojo Jojo plans to name Dr. Zaius as team doctor and I will be replacing Frank Robinson with Whitey Herzog. Jim Bowden will be reassigned as Mojo Jojo's footstool. Mojo Jojo will act as own General Manager and will not make dumb mistakes like trading for All-Star second baseman when I already got one. Trading for second baseman when I already got one is redundant and Mojo Jojo is never redundant.
ALR: When Arturo Moreno bought the Anaheim Angels - one of his first moves was to lower beer prices. Do you have any similar plans?
Mojo Jojo: Plans - yes! Plans - yes! Ticket prices to be reduced except for little girls who will now be charged $1 million to get into the park. No mimes will be allowed in the park. No mimes.
ALR: One of the biggest issues facing baseball today is steroids. What are your views on performance enhancing drugs and chemicals?
Mojo Jojo: No comment. No comment.
ALR: What about a new stadium? Have you given any thought to that?
Mojo Jojo: New stadium? New stadium? Mojo Jojo thinks of everything. There will be a new dome stadium for Washington. A new dome stadium. The dome will be best for my mind control rays... ummm... I mean indoor advertising. Yes indoor advertising that will control the minds of everyone who goes to the dome stadium.
ALR: Is buying the Nationals another of your ill-conceived schemes at world domination like the time you turned everyone in Townsville into a dog.
Mojo Jojo: I do this because I am bad, I am evil, I am Mojo Jojo.