The Presidential Election - the Lesser Candidates

It is pretty much a foregone conclusion that John Kerry will lose in his bid to become President (to quote the Kurgan - "there can be only one"). Kerry/Edwards may be the big loser in the election but there are also plenty of other lesser candidates who will also lose. Let's take a look at some of them.

Of course getting the most press is Ralph Nader who is running as the Reform Party Candidate with Ralph Camejo as his running mate.

Maybe even more famous than Ralph Nader is the VP candidate for the Personal Choice Party. Here's her biographical info:

Adult movie star Marilyn Chambers -- a former Ivory Soap model before she turned to porn in the mid-1970s -- is the Personal Choice candidate for Vice President. She made her name starring in such X-rated 1970s and 1980s classics as Behind the Green Door and Insatiable. In the late 1990s, Chambers made a successful return to porn, and she continues to appear in porn flicks today (making her one of the oldest stars to regularly appear these days in mainstream porn). During the period in which she left porn (before her return to the industry), Chambers owned and operated a gun shop. This 2004 VP run is Chambers' first foray into politics. Marilyn Chambers Taylor is her married name.

Guns and porn? And the Democrats are afraid of losing votes to Nader? Wait it gets better. The Presidential Candidate for the Personal Choice Party is Charles Jay of Indiana whose big qualification as President so far is the fact that he publishes Total Action a gambling website. Porn, guns and gambling? If word gets out then Bush and Cheney may be in trouble (seriously if the Personal Choice Party is on the Massachusetts ballot - I may take a while deciding my vote).

With porn, guns and gambling taken up by the Personal Choice Party that leaves little else for the Libertarians (just kidding - hell hath no fury as a Libertarian scorned). On the top of the ticket for the Libertarians is Michael Badnarik with Richard Campagna on the undercard.

Also sure to get some votes is the Green Party. On the top of the ticket for the Green Party is David Cobb. After seeing David Cobb's bio and picture something hit me. Cobb, Nader, Badnarik and Jay are all single. Could it be that these guys are running for President just to meet chicks?

What's kinda scary to me is the number of people running on the platform of Prohibition (yes - as in take away the booze!) You have Gene Amondson and Earl F. Dodge (the official candidate of the Prohibition Party). Yeah Prohibition worked so well the first time bringing it back is sure to be a good idea . [sarcasm off]

To be blunt - probably the ugliest pair running for President has to be Leonard Peltier and Janice Jordan of the Peace and Freedom Party. Peltier's chances of winning are slightly hindered by the fact that he's in jail for the murder of two FBI men. You can't make this stuff up.

There are also the usual Socialists and Communists in the pack-o-whacko's.

Stand-out write-in's include:

- Jack Grimes (or Grimey as he liked to be called) is the "Leader and Director of the United Fascist Union". Grimey wants to return us to the governmental style of Imperial Rome (bring back the vomitoriums!).

- Maudin (yup just one name). His campaign slogan is "One People, One Planet, One Awareness" (I guess "The Spice is the Life" was taken - sorry but with a name like Maudin you have to expect at least a token Dune reference).

- Ronald Gascon aka John Galt Jr. (yep he took his "new" name from Ayn Rands Atlas Shrugged)

There are many other interesting "characters" running for President - here's hoping that all the single guy candidates get at least one date for their efforts.