Bill Clinton

Bill Clinton has just two things on his mind today.... The two college football playoff games.

ALR: Mister President thank you for joining us this morning. I understand you are a big college football fan. Who do you like in today's Oklahoma vs Clemson matchup?

BC: Good to be here Chris. I woke up this morning craving melons for breakfast and now I'm craving some football. My first inclination was toward Clemson because I thought the coach's name was Yabbos Sweeney but I was mistaken. I know "Big Game" Bob Stoops is just 8-8 in bowl games in his career but I think the Sooners win this one. I'm giving the 4 points (though I'm hoping I get a line of -3.5 so I can buy half a point).

ALR: And the Alabama vs. Michigan State game?

BC: It may surprise some folks that Nick Saban is also just 8-8 straight up and against the spread in bowl games but here's the thing - Saban really brings his milk shakes to the yard when playing against former assistants. It's like me running an election against Al Gore (who is a real boob and not the good type of boob). I like the Crimson Tide even though 10 is a lot of pompoms to be giving up.

ALR: Good luck Mister President.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

If ESPN's Chris Mortensen was asked to sit on a jury on a case involving Peyton Manning - he'd have to be recused because he's a longtime friend. Yet we are supposed to think he's objective when it come to Peyton's reputed HGH usage... Excelsior! Stan Lee turned 93 yesterday... Is the brain "affected" by alcohol or "effected" by alcohol? Or both?... Manning's doctor is famous for his HGH therapy but we are supposed to believe he was going to him for other treatments... The Ewoks are dead. All of them... Words in a Cunning Order would be a good name for a blog - or a publishing company... My favorite part of the Manning story is now whenever Peyton gets mad at anyone - people can immediately ascribe it to "Roid Rage"... Touching stories of George W. Bush visiting soldiers in the hospital... So does Manning retire at the end of the season with this HGH story hanging over his head or does he try to stay on and dare the Broncos to cut him?... I'm an awful person for laughing at this...

Peyton Manning

Peyton Manning has never used HGH or broken any NFL rules ever. He is a great person of integrity is is beloved in America as witnessed by the large number of commercials he does. Praise be his name. Also Bill Cosby did not rape those women. - Baghdad Bob ESPN Spokesman

Retirement

Three articles on retirement - two from former pro athletes and one on David Letterman. Interesting perspectives:

- Joey Harrington looks back on his NFL career.

- Shane Battier is trying to transition from his NBA career to the next challenge

- David Letterman makes me want to move to Whitefish, Montana

Flotsam and Jetsam

Some day after Christmas miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

Saw the new Star Wars movie last night. Let's just say that I'm still bothered by some of the liberties the movie took with the laws of planetary physics... Just so I'm clear on all of this - according to the Clintons oral sex isn't sex and according to Donald Trump schlong doesn't mean dick. Gotcha... Why Nova Scotia sends Boston a Christmas tree every year... Years after the original Star Wars movie came out it was retitled as "A New Hope". I think years from now this current Star Wars movie will be retitled as "The New Reboot"... Heh Heh... People like to diminish Bill Belichick's abilities as a GM but it should be noted that all seven of the players from the Patriots to be named to the Pro Bowl were either drafted by the team or signed as undrafted free agents. That's a pretty good accomplishment... The new laziness... Hope everyone had a great Christmas. If you want to know what issues I had with the new Star Wars movie - I'd be happy to let you know in the comments section (spoiler alert obviously)...

Top 5 - Best Versions of Dickens' A Christmas Carol

1. Scrooge - with Alastair Sim
2. A Christmas Carol - with Patrick Stewart
3. Mickey's Christmas Carol
4. The Muppet Christmas Carol
5. Scrooged - with Bill Murray

Christmas Flotsam and Jetsam

Christmastime miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

What has ruined Christmas music more for you? Radio stations that start playing Christmas songs 24/7 since Thanksgiving or Yoko Ono's back-up "singing" on John Lennon's Happy Christmas (War is Over)... A very touching Christmas Bloom County... Baseball Hall of Fame pitcher Pud Galvin was born Christmas 1856. He was nicknamed Pud because he made hitters look like "pudding" at the plate. Not because he was a dick... Dear Jack Edwards - we wish you a merry Christmas too... History factoid: The official signal for the scramble to evacuate the US Embassy in Saigon 40-years ago was the playing of Bing Crosby's White Christmas... They were trying to kill each other again the next day...

Top 5 - Otters in US History

Here are what I consider to be the Top 5 Otters in US history. Otter from Animal House did not make the list because he's fictional. List in reverse order of significance:

5. Obadiah Otter - he was a curious otter who happened upon the Donner Party in 1846. These were the first humans Obadiah ever encountered and as it worked out also the last. He is historically significant because he kept the Donner Party from resorting to cannibalism (for an additional 36 hours).

4. Jeremiah Otter - his wife and adopted son were killed by a Crow Indian raiding party. He spent the rest of his life tracking down Crow Indians and ripping out their necks while they slept. He became a Rockie Mountain legend and some say a myth. Some even say he's up in those mountains still.

3.  Sergeant York Otter - while it was widely reported that the Navy experimented with strapping bombs to dolphins it is lesser known that the Army had a similar project utilizing otters. Sergeant York Otter was named after the WWI hero and died during a training accident.

2. Sacajawea Otter - the only female otter on the list. She was the mascot of the Lewis and Clark expedition party until she was killed by Meriwether Lewis and her pelt was exchanged for some corn meal.

1. Bedford Otter - this otter is significant because as a youth he used to live in a pond in Bedford Falls and one winter when he was young he was poking around under the ice to the point where he caused a few cracks.  These cracks broke when a young Harry Bailey was sledding onto the ice. In one timeline Harry's older brother George was able to save Harry but in another timeline George wasn't around to save Harry. In a third less publicized timeline - Bedford Otter didn't nose around under the ice and Harry never fell into the icy waters. In that timeline George Bailey was a whole lot less necessary to the happiness of Bedford Falls.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

I think the NFL should stand firm and suspend Odell Beckham Jr. for this Sunday's game... WFT? Actor Nicolas Cage agrees to return stolen skull of dinosaur Tyrannosaurus bataar to Mongolia...  I'm starting to think Leonardo DiCaprio is "protesting too much" that he didn't get "raped" by a bear. Was it consensual?... Nice math trick - if you divide 1 by 998,001 you get all three digit numbers from 000 to 999 in order... Speaking of dinosaurs - Plesiosaurs may have swum like penguins... Black Hermione would be a great name for a band... "Ball Peen Hammer" sounds like it could be a sex act from the Urban Dictionary. Is "peen" ever used in any other phrase?... Yes this is the GIF of the year...  I should note that I'm in a Fantasy Football final and I'm playing against a guy who is starting Eli Manning and Odell Beckham Jr. Suspend the bastard!...

Christmas Greetings from Bill Belichick

Bill Belichick singing Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. Awesome! I wonder if any reporters ask him if he's seen this yet?

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- I agree with these proposed changes to NCAA sports. I would add one more though - all revenue from sports is taxable.

- I also agree with these - 10 rules of a Dublin Pub

- Heh heh

- Never noticed this

- Bowe Bergdahl "the Golden Chicken" should be shot

- Fixed State lotteries

- Doug Flutie's touching tribute to his parents who died an hour a part

- Cool - an octopus uses a coconut as armor

Flying Cars

This is so awesome! The Terrafugia TF-X. We were promised flying cars!

DeflateGate Update

The NFL is so tone deaf on how this appears.

I think if I was at the game and saw Mike Kensil - I would spit in his face. Sources tell Chris Mortensen that 11 of 12 Patriots fans would approve of my actions.

The NFL and the Concussion Protocols

So the NFL wants to fine teams that don't follow the concussion protocols. If I were the NFLPA I wouldn't fall for this. Just another power grab by Roger Goodell.

I have a better suggestion. If a team obviously doesn't follow the concussion protocols (like with what happened to Case Keenum earlier in the season) and a three doctor panel agrees - then the affected player gets his entire contract guaranteed. If a team suddenly feels like there could be salary cap implications in treating a player's health like a disposable commodity - then you would suddenly see a sharp change in how things are handled. Teams would be instantly erring on the side of caution (as they should anyway).

So let it be written so let it be done.

Donald Trump (with a British Accent)

Wow - kind of makes a big difference.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing.

- Today seems like a good time to revisit Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and Star Wars

- The news out of El Salvador is more much more interesting than stories about Trump

- An inside look at the workings of the MLB Winter Meetings

- The mysterious case of the severed feet in British Columbia

- Third party brief supports Brady vs NFL

- The wife of Pi

- Very cool - Google contact lenses

- Interesting - why some patients refuse the flu shot

- Should healthy people take an aspirin a day? Both sides of the debate.

- More celebrities read mean Tweets

- I would watch every second of a Celtics broadcast if Bill Burr was the announcer

- Brian Scalabrine - the 12th man of Christmas

Tom Brady and Politics

Dan Wetzel has a good take on Tom Brady and his relationship with Donald Trump. I agree with the idea that it is a no win situation for Brady and at the same time none of anyone's business.

If I owned the Patriots - here's how I would handle the situation:

First I would cancel all current press credentials. Then I would have all the "journalists" reapply but have to fill out a brief form. The form would ask, "What is your political affiliation?" "Who did you vote for in the last two Presidential elections?" "Who do you plan to vote for in the 2016 Presidential election?"

At the bottom of the form would be a box you can check that would say, "I'm not answering those questions. My politics or anyone's politics is nobody's business. I'm just here to cover football."

Then I'd only give credentials to people who checked the box.

Fairytale of New York

The best Christmas song ever! Now I'm in the holiday spirit!

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

Did not watch the GOP debate last night. I have no plans to watch any debates because it doesn't really matter and I have better things to do with my time... Nicely done LeBron. Nicely done... In the end the GOP candidate will be either Marco Rubio or Ted Cruz. I'm OK with either choice... Last night's debate was supposed to be on foreign policy. How come the media so eager to ask the GOP candidates questions on foreign policy are so silent on the failures of the current administration?.... My guess is that either Ben Carson or Carly Fiorina will be the choice for VP. I'm OK with either of those choices too... The sad reality of social media fame. I think you do things like this because you want to and enjoy it not because you want to get rich or famous. For instance I seek neither fame nor fortune via this blog (I make zero from this site). I just like writing down my thoughts to make more room for the voices in my head that are screaming, SCREAMING to be heard... This seems like a very common sense proposal by Senators Ted Cruz and Mike Lee... Holiday tip - as a joke when you go to a friend's home for a Christmas party replace the can of air freshener in the bathroom with a can of Raid. Your hostess will love you for it... Our allies the Saudis...

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- The white guy in the Black Power salute photo from the 1968 Olympics was just as much a hero

- Yesterday was Dick Van Dyke's 90th birthday

- Heh heh

- Great story - Stephen Tobolowski on working with Steven Seagal on The Glimmer Man

- One badass grandma

- Pat McAfee is a good man

- When are suicide rates the highest? Not the holiday season