How I Invented Instant Messaging

Yes its true. I invented instant messaging. Let me tell you my story.

It all goes back to 8th grade back when all the cool guys had that fancy "electronic" football game from Coleco with the little blips that you moved down the field. My parents wouldn't buy me one of those. All I had was my calculator with the oversized buttons and oversized screen (that and my Matchbox pencil case).

It was also back in 8th grade that I became interested in girls. Problem was that I was too shy to speak to any.

One day my friend Mike took my calculator and pressed 7734. He turned the calculator upside down and I was amazed to see that the digits looked just like the word "hell". I started wondering what other "words" I could make on the screen of my calculator. Then it hit me. If I pressed 0.7734 - it looked just like "hell'o" which is really close to the word "hello".

I typed 0.7734 on my calculator and I fake coughed so as to get the attention of Susan Murphy (the new girl who was two rows away from me). When she looked over at me - I turned my calculator upside down and showd it to her. She smiled at me (careful not to show any teeth because she was very self conscious about her braces) and waved.

She had seen my "message" on my calculator's electronic screen and she had understood it from a distance. Electonic instant messaging had been born right there in Sister Theresa's math class.

Yes I invented instant messaging (though I can't take credit for LOL or STFU). However, I am not looking for credit and I have never sought to make any profit from it. Much like Benjamin Franklin who invented the lightning rod - I am content that my "invention" is being used for the good of mankind without seeking any monetary reward for myself. I am content that you - the loyal readers of my blog - know the truth.