101st Anniversary of the Battle of Verdun

Today marks the the 101st anniversary of one of the events that changed the world forever. On February 21st in 1916 - the Battle of Verdun began. The battle was to change the course of Western Civilization. 

The idea for the battle was from German Chief of Staff, Erich von Falkenhayn. He believed that if he could take-out France with a major set battle and discourage England to a point that Germany could be in a position to negotiate very favorable terms. To accomplish his goals - Falkenhayn proposed unrestricted submarine warfare to starve Britain and a knockout blow against France at Verdun. With this major battle at Verdun, Falkenhayn hoped to "bleed France white".

It was an ambitious plan - an aggressive plan. Falkenhayn knew that to attack at Verdun he'd have to take resources away from the Eastern Front and that unrestricted submarine warfare ran the risk of bringing the U.S. into the war. Falkenhayn reasoned that Russia was on the brink of revolution and internal civil war in Russia would allow them to take those resources from the Eastern Front and that the decisive blow to France would come before the US was dragged into the war. He was right on the former but wrong on the latter.

Verdun seemed the perfect place to attack. It actually jutted out into the German lines - so it could be attacked from three sides. It was also of historical and psychological significance to Frenchmen (somewhat akin to what the Alamo is to Americans).

The job of attacking Verdun fell to German Crown Prince Wilhelm. He planned to assault the town from both side of the surrounding Meuse River but that plan vetoed by Falkenhayn. After coming up with a daring, aggressive plan - Falkenhayn was suddenly cautious. Falkenhayn ordered the attack to be confined to one side of the river. Similar to a poker game, Falkenhayn was beaten on the river. Falkenhayn had pocket Aces of a plan but he failed to put enough chips at risk to drive the other player out. By not being aggressive when he should have he gave France free cards and allowed himself and Germany to literally be beaten on the river.

With so many people who eventually died in the battle, a poker analogy may seem flip but the fact is the Germans had one million troops against 200,000 defenders. They did hold Aces before the battle.

When the attack finally began, the Germans bombarded Verdun with 1,400 guns that rained Verdun with 100,000 shells every hour. The Germans failed to immediately follow up the bombardment with an full-scale infantry attack and what resulted was a stalemate which was to last for months and months.

The dead and wounded from both sides piled up so that both countries were being "bled white". The French begged Britain to open up a diversionary attack elsewhere on the Western Front to drain resources and men away from Verdun on the German side. Thus the Battle of the Somme was born. 

By the time the battle of Verdun ended almost one million casualties had been inflicted in roughly equal numbers for both sides. The Battle of the Somme resulted in about 1.1 million casualties (about 400,000 British, 200,000 French and 500,000 German). The unrestricted submarine warfare resulted in the Americans being dragged into the War (remember that President Woodrow Wilson was elected on a peace platform). The American joined the fight just as both sides were literally exhausted from being "bled white" from Verdun and the Somme and the rest is history (including the harsh terms imposed on Germany that led to the rise of Adolph Hitler and the Nazi Party).

Homer at the Bat Turns 25

Today marks the 25th anniversary of The Simpsons episode Homer at the Bat. Below is a parody of that episode I wrote in 2005. I think it still holds up.

The Curse of the Simpsons

Hello, my name is Bob Ley and welcome to Outside the Lines. Tonight we look at what is being called “the Curse of the Simpsons.”

On February 20, 1992 the Simpsons’ episode “Homer at the Bat” aired and featured some of baseball’s brightest stars but the question now comes up – what did these stars have to do in order to be on the show and what price did they pay for that momentary bit of extra fame?

According to the Official Simpsons Website the episode’s plot was the following: 

Mr. Burns makes a million dollar bet with his arch-rival Aristotle Amadopolis that the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant team will beat the Shelbyville Nuclear Power Plant team in the softball championships. To ensure victory, Burns hires a number of ringers, including pro baseball players Darryl Strawberry, Ken Griffey, Jr., Steve Sax, Roger Clemens, Jose Canseco, Don Mattingly, Ozzie Smith, Wade Boggs and Mike Scioscia to replace the plant employees he cut from the team. But as game day approaches, the pros all succumb to various strange ailments and accidents that prevent them from playing and it's up to Homer and his teammates to beat the Shelbyville team. With bases loaded and the score tied in the ninth inning, Homer is sent to bat and wins the game when the pitch hits him in the head and accidentally scores a homer."

Most of the stars were at the top of their game before agreeing to appear on the show but after the show most started hitting the skids. Coincidence – Outside the Lines thinks not.

In studio we have one of the stars of the show – Homer Simpson. Homer, welcome to Outside the Lines. You get many big name stars on the show – is there any special arrangement to get these stars? What about the baseball players featured in “Homer at the Bat”? 

Homer: To answer your question Kent – normally guest stars work for scale to be on our show because it is such a status symbol to be on the Simpsons. However, in this case the boss wanted something extra.

Who is your boss? What was the something extra required of the baseball players?

Homer: Well I report directly to Satan or as we like to call him – Ned. In order to be on the show the baseball players had to sign over their souls. You know standard stuff.

Wait a second are you saying that Ned Flanders is Satan and that the baseball players had to sign over their souls to be on the show?

Homer: Yep. You deaf or something? All the players really wanted to be on the show and Ned made them pay. 

Darryl Strawberry?

Homer: Hmmmmmm strawberries……….Oops – sorry. I felt bad about Straw. He was such a good kid before he came on the show. I’m afraid we introduced him to a little too much of the Hollywood lifestyle. You know constant drugs and hookers. I guess it made quite the impression on him.

Ken Griffey Jr.? 

Homer: Yep. Satan is still screwing with him. I guess Griffey has become sort of a hobby for Ned.

Steve Sax?

Homer: Oh boy! That was a good one. You know the throws to first were my idea. 

Jose Canseco?

Homer: Do you even have to ask on that one? The guy slept with Madonna. I guess he figured he was doomed anyway.

Don Mattingly?

Homer: You know Don started off as a really nice guy but working for so long with Steinbrenner just sorta wore him down. I still remember watching Mattingly’s last game on the set of the Simpsons. Ned comes over - sees Don on the TV and says, “Next year the Yankees win the World Series" and then he starts with that laugh of his.

Mike Scioscia? 

Homer: Well Mike was sorta of a charity case. He sold his soul to get into the major leagues. 

Wade Boggs? You can't say Wade Boggs sold his soul - I mean he was just elected to the Hall of Fame.

Homer: Actually Wade Boggs was the only one that wasn’t asked to sign away his soul. If you remember - in the show Wade gets beat up by Barney Gumble. Ned had Wade Boggs on as a favor to all the cast. We all wanted to beat him up but Barney won the lottery.

Wait a minute Homer. What about Ozzie Smith? I grant you all the other stars did seem to rapidly dim after being on the show but Ozzie was also voted into the Hall of Fame. You can’t ask us to believe that Ozzie sold his soul.

Homer: Well - you know how we all thought it kinda funny to portray Ned as the devil knowing full well that he really was the devil. Who knew that Ozzie really was a Wizard? The Wizard of Oz! We all thought it was just something people called him. That summersault he does before all his games is really a kind of counter curse you know.

Roger Clemens has over 300 wins and has won multiple Cy Young Awards. Surely he didn’t sign his soul away.

Homer: Roger was the first to sign. That guy is as dumb as a post. The funny thing is that by signing with Toronto – Clemens proved that he didn’t have a soul so the deal was null and void.

Please hold on just a second. I understand from our producers that joining us via a telephone hook-up is Ned Flanders. Mr. Flanders on this show tonight Homer Simpson has alleged that you are in fact the devil and that in 1992 you required a number of all-star baseball players to sign away their souls in order to be on the show the Simpsons. Can you comment on this?

Ned Flanders (aka Satan): Okily dokily Bob-arino. All that Homer said is as right as rain. Baseball players are some of my best customers next to SportsCenter anchors of course but you know I wasn’t going to take their souls until my boss insisted.

Your boss? Who would that be?

Ned Flanders (aka Satan): James L. Brooks of course.

Well that makes sense. I’m Bob Ley and this has been Outside the Lines. Please join us tomorrow night when our topic will be “Are we ready for an openly gay football mascot?”

Successful People vs Unsuccessful People

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- About time! Rangers to retire Gentleman Jean Ratelle's number

- This really does represent the feelings of the average Patriots fan

- Earth has a new continent - Zealandia

- Heh heh

- This is going to leave a mark

In Color - Jamey Johnson

Great song.

Sports Media Doesn't Get It

Before I go on this rant let me state for the record I did not vote for Donald Trump. Anyone who wants to accuse me of being a "Trumpkin" can suck a long brown snake out of my ass.

Yesterday of RealClearSports top two stories one was by Bryan Curtis of The Ringer titled "Sportswriting Has Become a Liberal Profession - Here's How It Happened" that "explained" that sportswriters inserting their liberal political opinions into their sports reporting is not just a good thing but a very good thing. He uses the example of Lester Rodney an avowed communist from the 1930's whose (according to Bryan Curtis) "moral clarity was keener than just about anybody's." Did I mention that Lester Rodney was an avowed communist? Communism is the most evil invention ever cooked up by the mind of man and at the same time Rodney was exhibiting this superior "moral clarity" millions of people were being exterminated in Communist Russia.

Lester Rodney might have been a useful idiot but Bryan Curtis with the hindsight of history available to him is just an idiot. (RealClearSports rightly labeled the link to the story "How Liberals Hijacked the Sportswriting Profession")

The second story was labeled by RealClearSports as "ESPN Pays for Becoming Social Justice Warrior Network". The link goes to a story about how ESPN is losing 10,000 subscribers a day from people "cutting the cord". If cable channels were to be unbundled - ESPN would completely implode. There are many, many people out there who resent being forced to pay $7 per month just to have Screaming Steven A. Smith and the WNBA jammed down their throats. I cut the cord more than 3-years ago and I don't miss ESPN one bit.

What Bryan Curtis and The Ringer doesn't understand (and ESPN for that matter) is their "we're right and you're stupid if you disagree with us" when it comes to politics attitude is not the way to win friends and influence people and certainly not the way to gain or retain customers. When I go to a sports site - I expect sports. Not a lecture on veganism or an Occupy Wall Street retrospective and especially not a fawning interview with Lena Dunham. I'm removing The Ringer from my blog list. Pretty sure I can do without Mr. Curtis and The Ringer's obsession with the TV show The Bachelor. I've also stopped following Deadspin on Twitter because only one in  five Tweets seem to be about sports these days.

History has proven communism to be a giant mistake. History will also prove that inserting your liberal politics into people's sports was a bad business decision.

Heh Heh

Even Patriots fans find this funny.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

A sitcom about a relationship between All-State's Mayhem mascot guy and Progressive's crazy girlfriend Flo would actually be pretty fun to watch... Heh heh... Women complain that men don't understand "that time of the month" or remember six months out when their cycle will fall but in defense of men - most guys still don't understand why when we were kids the doctor grabbed our balls and told us to cough... Congratulations to Robinson Cano... Would Jack from the movie Titanic have survived if he knew the Wim Hof breathing method?... Lascivious Banabos would be a good name for a band... Good for them... Flooring store sign that says "We will come to your house and measure your kitchen" always seemed like a Mafia-style threat to me... There was a reason they called him Larry Legend...

I Can't Get Next to You - The Temptations

A song you don't hear nearly enough.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- Senator Al Franken wonders why some people can't take him serious

- Cool story - 94-year old grandmother road-trips better than you

- This is true

- Mike Lombardi on coaching / management

- And I think you might be right

- Very cool. All we had was a volcano that foamed.

Claude Julien

So last week the Boston Bruins fired head coach Claude Julien, then this past weekend under new interim Bruins coach Bruce Cassidy Boston beats the Montreal Canadiens 4-0, and then yesterday Montreal named Claude Julien their new head coach. What a long short strange trip it's been!

When Julien was let go by the Bruins I wished him well in his next coaching job as did many. But we didn't know that next job was going to be with the Canadiens! Even still I wish Claude nothing but the best (unless Boston meets Les Habs in the playoffs then I wish him an awful stomach flu).

When I was a kid the Bruins were kings and the rivalry between the Bruins and Canadiens was as big or bigger than the rivalry between the Red Sox and Yankees. Over the years that rivalry has dulled to the point where I'm guessing not many Boston sports fans were even aware the Bruins were playing the Canadiens last Sunday.

Here's to hoping Claude Julien helps rekindle that spirit of rivalry. I miss it.

Good luck coach!

Goodell finds out the Patriots won Super Bowl LI

Ha! Awesome! You knew this was coming. "They had Belichick by the balls!"

Valentine by Ayn Rand

Heh heh.

Heh Heh

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentines Day

Happy 94th Birthday to Chuck Yeager

Today is General Yeager's 94th birthday. Happy birthday General!

I'm guessing if you asked him - he would probably be more proud of this accomplishment than of breaking the sound barrier.

Speaking of breaking the sound barrier.

And here's another example why Chuck Yeager is the man!

I'm the Reason

Now it can be told. At half-time of Super Bowl 51 I switched from drinking Bud Light to Wachusett Nauti Seltzer. The bartender asked me why I was switching it up and I said, "To change the Patriots luck."

The rest is history.

I'm the reason the Pats luck changed in the second half but Tom Brady gets all the credit. I know it's not fair but I'm the silent hero type.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- Watching a bubble freeze is oddly satisfying.

- Oral sex in the Bible - praise the Lord!

- Mike Ilitch was a good man

- Pats fans can't wait to see what Belichick gets when he trades Jimmy Garappolo

- Heh heh

Hal Moore

American hero Lt General Hal Moore has passed away. He would have been 95 tomorrow.

If you haven't seen the movie or read the book, We Were Soldiers Once (And Young) you really should. Hal Moore was the real deal and our nation is poorer for his passing.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- The Science Behind Miracles. Wim Hof, "headroom" and the placebo effect.

- Matt Patricia's choice in T-shirt hurt wittle Woger Goodell's feelings.

- Yesterday was the anniversary of the Bruins "Kraut line" of Schmidt, Bauer and Dumart being carried off the ice for the trio's last game before heading off for service in WWII It was a different time then.

- Heh heh

- Tom Brady and Kipling (appropriate since Kipling lived a good part of his life in New England)

Knicks vs Oakley

The New York Knicks under James Dolan are a mess. This stupid feud vs Charles Oakley is just the cherry on top. I would love to see the Celtics or another team add Oakley to their coaching staff just to force a showdown the next time they visit Madison Square Garden. If the Knicks try to bar a "coach" then the Celtics would have a grievance to file with the NBA front office.

It also bugs me that James Dolan actually makes a profit from people buying official NBA gear with Oakley's name and number. Maybe buy this shirt instead?

How long before someone comes out with a red baseball cap saying "Make the Knicks Great Again"? Even Knick fans who hate Donald Trump would buy those.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

Claude Julien was the best coach the Boston Bruins ever had but I agree with many Bruins fans in that it was time for a change. Even Scotty Bowman never coached in one city for more than 9 seasons. Claude was in Boston for 10... What the weather was like in my city yesterday... Charles Dolan should never sit down among the fans at Madison square Garden. His very presence is a provocation to Knick fans... It is still a punishment - right?... Samurai Jack is coming back? Awesome!... Wherever he lands Julien will make some franchise a great coach... I've stopped following Deadspin on Twitter because only one in three tweets are now about sports... Little known fact but no human speaks faster than an NHL player or coach during a post game interview. Breathless... Is Ben Roethlisberger still playing the diva about coming back next season?...

While My Guitar Gently Weeps - Regina Specktor

Very good cover from a very entertaining movie - Kubo and the Two Strings.

Like I said - very entertaining movie good for adults and kids alike.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- Christie Brinkley - like a cheese cracker!

- Very cool!

- America F*ck Yeah!

- WTF! (Lots of exclamation points this morning)

- Fun vs rewarding - should be required reading for all high school coaches

- Goodell mocked mercilessly at Patriots victory parade. If anyone thinks Pats fans will let this go then they forget that New England gave us Hester Prynne.

Boston Sports

It's a good time to be a Boston sports fan.

Patriots Super Bowl Victors

Recently I wrote about how Pats fans were not all that worked up about the Atlanta Falcons. There's absolutely no rivalry there. In reality is pretty much the opposite. Matt Ryan is a Boston College icon and the Falcons front office is pretty much Patriots South. Playing and honestly all Pats fans just  assumed beating them wasn't personal just business.

The real rivalry was with Roger Goodell and the NFL. And a better Godfather quote to explain the situation was "today we settled all family business."

Robert Kraft said that this fifth Super Bowl victory was "extra special" and all Pats fans knew exactly what he mean although it's not clear if the doofus handing him the Lombardi Trophy had a clue. And speaking of Goodell - did anyone hear his speech in presenting the trophy to Kraft? I didn't and not just because I was drunk at the time but also because of all the boos drowning out what the ass-monkey was trying to articulate.

Pretty sure neither Tom Brady nor Bill Belichick heard Goodell's speech either. They were too busy talking and joking around in the background. No respect was shown to the Commissioner because no respect has been earned by the Ginger C*nt.

Upon receiving the Super Bowl MVP, Tom Brady may have had a subtle message for the Commissioner. Upon arriving back in Boston, Defensive Coordinator Matt Patricia had a much less subtle message for the team's feelings toward Goodell. And at today's victory parade don't be surprised if chants of "Goodell sucks!" and other forms of Goodell based bashing are commonplace.

Sunday night the Patriots settled all family business. All that's left is the gloating.

EDIT: Heh heh

Budweiser Upside-down Clown

My favorite Super Bowl commercial of all-time. It only ran once because it was so disturbing (and funny).

Awesome

Moonrise over New Zealand. Very cool.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- If this was more widely known before the election - Donald Trump could have won Massachusetts

- I for one welcome our new robot overlords

- Richard Nixon and poker

- Speaking of poker - what it takes to be a cash game professional poker player.

- What a great story

- Tom Brady's mother's illness was reason Brady stopped fighting NFL on suspension

Steve Jobs 2005 Commencement Speech at Stanford

Worth listening to every once and a while.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- Losing interest in politics because it just seems to be one group of hypocrites braying at the other.

- The man is a f*cking hero

- Seems like a common sense solution. What took so long?

- See what I mean about hypocrites? How about another example?

- I got to buy a stool to try out these exercises

Slavery

On this date in 1865 the Congress voted to end slavery. The vote was 119 "yea" and 56 "nay" with 8 Congressmen not voting. It should be noted that every Republican Congressman voted to end slavery (along with 16 Democrats). All of the 56 "nay" votes and all of the not voting (the voting "present" of the day) came from the Democrats.

Just something to keep in mind when you hear the Republicans are the "racist" party.

Vienna by Billy Joel

One of his better songs which you rarely hear on the radio.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- People with Green Cards should not be prevented from re-entering the country. That said - I'm not worked up over the so-called "Muslim ban". Mostly because of this.

- The real reason Brent Musberger is retiring is because the body count from the Brent Musberger Drinking Game was getting too high.

- 9 facts about Charles Bronson. I love the anecdote about accepting the Death Wish role.

- The protesters are doing more harm than good to the Democrats. Listen to the people cheering the police in deep-blue Portland.

- Heh heh

The Accountant

Saw the movie The Accountant yesterday. Really enjoyed the movie and would highly recommend it. Some great action.

Apollo 1

50-years ago today - pure oxygen, a single spark, and death in 17 seconds.

“Ad Astra Per Aspera. A Rough Road Leads to the Stars”

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- Trump vs the Press - 100% spot on!

- Tommy Heinsohn is the best!

- Speaking of Trump and the press - I did not know this (maybe because the press didn't report it?)

- Heh heh - speaking of the Inauguration

- And speaking of Hillary - Our Children are Watching

- Ben Roethlisberger is a drama queen. But he should retire because as long as Tom Brady is playing the Steelers aren't getting to another Super Bowl. Brady OWNS the Steelers.

Top 5 - Paul Newman Movies

Today would have been Paul Newman's 93rd birthday. Here's my 5 favorite Paul Newman movies - not saying there's his best just MY favorites.

1. Slap Shot - perhaps the best sports movie ever.
2. The Sting - a classic but these days seems a little long
3. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
4. Cool Hand Luke
5. (tie) The Verdict (tie) Absence of Malice

Just missing the list was The Hustler.

New England Patriots

Please don't hate us but the honest truth is that the Patriots going to the Super Bowl to most New England fans this year is no big deal. This isn't like 2001 when the Patriots were a team of destiny or 2007 when New England was looking to go undefeated. This year going to the Super Bowl was just kind of expected.

People around here aren't planning the big parties like years past. You're not going to have to get to a bar hours beforehand to insure you get a seat for the game. The enthusiasm just isn't there. Don't get me wrong - everyone will still be watching the game but this time as fans and not fanatics.

This year it's not personal - it's business. It seems strange.

Warren Zevon

Warren Zevon would have turned 70-years old today.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- The smugness of the Hillary supporters just drips from this article.

- Heh heh

- Got to hand it to Dutch humor

- Genius idea!

- Interesting look at the TPP deal from of all places Outside magazine

- Impressive!

Rod Stewart

I hope to find something I enjoy as much as Rod Stewart enjoys drawing balls for soccer match-ups.

HT Deadspin

The Day the Democratic Party Died and a New Democratic Party Was Born

An anniversary passed yesterday with little fanfare. The historical significance of the anniversary should not be underestimated though.

On January 22, 1973, former president Lyndon Johnson died and with him died the old ways of the Democratic Party. The backroom deals and arm twisting. The acknowledgement that the Democratic Party was first and foremost the party of the working man and his family. "God, country and a fair wage" could easily have been the motto of the old Democratic Party.

On that same day, 44-years ago the new Democratic Party was also born. On that day, 44-years ago, the Supreme Court handed down its Roe v Wade decision which in effect decriminalized abortion and magically turned it from a medical procedure into a woman's right in the process. Since Roe v Wade the Democratic Party has never been the same. Where do you stand on abortion is the first and foremost question any candidate for any office is asked. The abortion party has also become the protest party. "Judge - you and you wife have kids - so you obviously are against having abortions - therefore we must protest you and we must do it naked while throwing pies." Make no mistake this new Democratic Party is about abortion first - every other issue is secondary - including the economy and national defense.

Since January 22, 1973 the Democratic Party has not run a candidate for President who has not been pro-abortion. This includes John Kerry who said he's a Catholic but that doesn't make sense since the Catholic Church is staunchly pro-life. I'm not optimistic that I'll see a pro-life Democratic candidate in my life.

The fact that the anniversary of the death of the old and birth of the new Democratic Party does not get any recognition is not surprising. Nobody celebrates or notes May 30th as the birth of the Republican Party.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- This is sad

- Heh heh

- The tempting of the media. Not much difference in the mind of the public between aggressively anti-Trump media and fake news.

- Heh heh

- This is a good point. Also look for the media to rediscover homelessness in the US after 8-years of looking the other way.

- Buying a mountain bike. I'm going to start mountain biking this spring.

George W. Bush

Many people were amused by George W Bush's issues with the rain poncho at Donald Trump's inauguration.

I thought the occasion was right to remind people that George W Bush was actually one of the smartest men to ever hold the post of President of the United States.

Penis Mightier

No reason - just felt like posting this SNL classic skit:

Alex Trebek: Welcome back to "Celebrity Jeopardy" It's been an exciting first round. That being said, let's take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has negative 16,500 dollars.

Sean Connery: Damm you and your daily doubles you brigand! One day it'll be my turn, Trebek!

Alex Trebek: Great. Calista Flockhart, with an amazing negative $58,000. Good job.

Calista Flockhart: [ quietly like all of her lines ] Thank you.

Alex Trebek: And finally, Nicholas Cage is in the lead with $8.

Nicholas Cage: You got lights, you've got cameras - bitchin' technology!

Alex Trebek: I don't know how anyone could get $8, but better luck to all of you in the next round. It's time for Double Jeopardy. Let's take a look at the board. The categories are.. Potent Potables; The Pen is Mightier.. that category is all about quotes from famous authors, so you'll all probably be more comfortable with our next category..; Shiny Objects; continuing with Opposites; Things you Shouldn't Put in Your Mouth; What Time is It?; and, finally, Months That Start With Feb. Mr. Cage you're in the lead, so let's start with you.

Nicholas Cage: Hmm.. what? Where...

Alex Trebek: Okay, Calista Flockhart, why don't you pick a category?

Calista Flockhart: Um no.. pass.

Alex Trebek: You'll pass. Very smart. Mr. Connery, why don't you pick?

Sean Connery: Ah! Well met! I'll take Months That Start With Feb, Trebek.

Alex Trebek: For how much?

Sean Connery: Suprise me, you filthy bastard!

Alex Trebek: Okay, that's completely unnecessary. Months That Start With Feb for $800. This is the only month that starts with Feb. [ Sean Connery buzzes in ] Mr. Connery?

Sean Connery: Febtober!

Alex Trebek:No. [ Calista Flockhart buzzes in ] Calista Flockhart.

Calista Flockhart: What is.. Febturday?

Alex Trebek: No.

Sean Connery: She said turd!

Alex Trebek: I hate you! The answer was February. That's the month that starts with Feb. It was last month!

Sean Connery: Aha! A trick question!

Alex Trebek: Yeah, it was a trick question, Mr. Connery. Why don't you pick a category?

Sean Connery: I've got to ask you about the Penis Mightier.

Alex Trebek: What? No. No, no, that is The Pen is Mightier.

Sean Connery: Gussy it up however you want, Trebek. What matters is does it work? Will it really mighty my penis, man?

Alex Trebek: It's not a product, Mr. Connery.

Sean Connery: Because I've ordered devices like that before - wasted a pretty penny, I don't mind telling you. And if The Penis Mightier works, I'll order a dozen.

Alex Trebek: It's not a Penis Mightier, Mr. Connery. There's no such thing!

Nicholas Cage: Wait, wait, wait.. are you selling Penis Mightiers?

Alex Trebek: No! No, I'm not.

Sean Connery: Well, you're sitting on a gold mine, Trebek!

Simple Minds - All The Things She Said

A very underrated song in my opinion. And also a reminder that more rock singers should also be falconers.

Fred McGriff and the Hall of Fame

I congratulate Tim "Rock" Raines, Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez and Jeff Bagwell on their election to the Baseball Hall of Fame. A well deserved honor in each case. My issue is how Fred McGriff has been snubbed by the same voters. No "clean" player has been hurt more by comparison to PED contemporaries than McGriff. This isn't a new issue for me.

In 2004 I compared McGriff to now Hall of Famer Wade Boggs with the Crime Dog coming off very favorable in comparison.

In 2006 I compared McGriff to Bagwell. Are you aware that McGriff has more career HR, RBI and total bases than Bagwell? Yet McGriff is on the outside of the HoF looking in.

In 2011 I made a case of how steroids using players were hurting the HoF chances of clean players. Probably the only time I can recall really disagreeing with Joe Posnanski.

Fred McGriff deserves to be in the Hall of Fame.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- General Mattis is the man!

- James Carvelle attended the Inauguration today in disguise

- Is it me or does this American eagle look like Donald Trump?

- If you aren't impressed and humbled by this little guy then there's no hope for you

- Part 2 of Tom Brady at the Seabass School of Football

- Speaking of Brady and the Patriots

- The Dalai Lama's 5 keys to happiness

Update on President H. W. Bush

Glad that President Bush and his lovely wife Barbara are both doing better. However, in my head as I read the press release I hear Dana Carvey's impersonation of Bush saying, "I'll be God-damned if I die before that little prick H. Ross Perot kicks the bucket! Not gonna do it!"

Mad World - Gary Jules

Seemed a good day for this song.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- Nobody said working for the government has to be boring. 15 cool jobs with the Interior Department.

- WTF? The dog suicide bridge.

- The first Inaugural Address written in Sharpie?

- Another example of why the Patriots are different than all the other NFL teams

- Speaking of the Patriots - Tom Brady visits the Seabass school of football

Trump and Fake News Part II

Earlier I speculated that the golden shower jokes would not stop - so far that's true. I also speculated that Trump might retaliate by kicking the White House Press Corps out of the White House and reopen the White House Pool. Looks like the former might happen still waiting on news about the pool.

So how did we get to this point? In my youth the two most well-known (non-sports) reporters may have been Sam Donaldson (who got famous for literally yelling questions at the President so much that he got parodied on SNL) and Geraldo Rivera whose main motivation in journalism seemed to be a narcissistic need to be famous (when you start with a fake name can fake news be far behind?). You had Dan Rather (CBS) and Brian Williams (NBC) making shit up and Wolf Blitzer (CNN) exposing himself as a moron on Jeopardy! And these are the people the public is supposed to trust for "real news"?

Let's not forget that CNN (whose tagline at the time was "the most trusted name in news") made a deal with Saddam Hussein during the first Gulf War about what they could and could not report in exchange for "access".

Now President Trump can just shout "Fake News!" any time he doesn't like the line of questioning and who can blame him? If the media complains the public impression would be the media is whining because the President doesn't like to answer "gotcha" questions from people who don't know anyone who owns a pickup truck.

The media made this bed. Years of "Your child's life is in danger - we'll tell you why after these words from our sponsor" and click-bait journalism have withered away whatever trust the public had. Now most of the public just trusts the media that agrees with their own point of view. So what's the point of a President answering any questions from outlets that may disagree with him or who may be blatantly acting for the opposition party?

It used to be the public turned to the media to find out the who, what, where and sometimes why of a story. Now it's a perverted version of Cui Buono - how does this journalist or media outlet stand to benefit from this story?

The media has a long way to go to regain the public trust. I'm afraid they're not up to the job.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- I don't own a gun (yet) but I just have to say Mike Rowe's post on guns is awesome!

- Now I really want to try this booze

- Making sense of String Theory. The video is from 2005 - I wonder if the theory still holds up? Seems like all the cool kids are speaking about Quantum Physics these days.

- Fantastic true story of an American  fugitive drug smuggler who became an environmental hero in Australia

- 12 fun facts about Slap Shot. Thank God they went with Paul Newman and not Al Pacino.

Battle of Cowpens

Today is the anniversary of one of the most significant battles in the history of the United States and nobody seems to notice. A short history of the Revolutionary War could read like this:

- The British surrendered at Yorktown after being surrounded by the Continental Army on land and bottled up by the French fleet at sea.
- The British were stuck at Yorktown because they had been so long occupied in the South by battles like the disaster (for the British) at Cowpens
- Cowpens was made possible by Valley Forge and the victory over the Hessians at Trenton
- The French navy was brought into the war because of the overwhelming victory over the British at Saratoga.
- Trenton was made possible by the Continental Army slipping out of Long Island where they really should have been trapped and destroyed by the British
- Long Island was made possible by the victory over the British in the siege of Boston which in turn was made possible by the guns taken from Fort Ticonderoga and by the start of the war at Lexington and Concord.

Of the above - the Battle of Cowpens (which happened 236 years ago today) is probably the least remembered.

If it is remembered it is probably the version that was put forth in the Mel Gibson movie The Patriot. In the movie there is a battle without a name in which Gibson's character asks his irregular infantry to get off two shots and then retreat to trick the British into chasing after them. This is the same basic "plot" to the Battle of Cowpens. The Jason Isaacs character of the dark-hearted Col. Tavington is loosely based on Col. Banastre Tarleton who led the British troops at Cowpens. Unlike the battle in the movie, however, in real life Tarleton (nee Tavington) escapes to fight another day.

One other note that may only interest me. In the movie The Patriot, Gibson's character uses straw soldiers to convince the British to let captives escape. In real life this trick was used but it was used by the British to allow the "captive" loyalists to escape Boston via ships in the harbor under the cover of "troops" placed overlooking the city on Bunker Hill. The troops later turned out to be straw dummies.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

If Martin Luther King Jr were alive today he be 88-years old and probably a past 1 or 2 term President... Cool "let it ride" story. At this point he has to see it out till the end... Extra Cheese would be an awful nickname to give a girl. Even if she is from Vermont or Wisconsin... Heh heh - speaking of Aaron Rodgers... On that commercial featuring the deaf football team - how do the deaf players hear the referee's whistle?... The comments on the Ginger C*nt's tweet are fantastic... Why Trump won - it is more likely for a DC based or NY Times journalist to personally know a person who has won a NEA grant than a person who owns a pickup truck... The beaded lacewing is my spirit animal... There should be a word for a person who is often alone but never lonely...

If Andy Reid Loses Today...

Andy Reid will be mostly remembered as the guy most likely to waggle his fingers in front of a box of donuts saying "Don't mind if I do!"

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- On this day in 1929

- So the US military has a drone space shuttle. Cool!

- How did that that prediction work out for you Ian?

- This was nice

- Cool ocean photography

- Star Wars reminder

Trump and Fake News Part 1

In the spirit that your gut reaction is normally correct - here's what my gut reaction is telling me about this current maelstrom.

BuzzFeed "published" a series of allegations that are most likely false. I say most likely because I'm guessing there are a few innocuous true things scattered among the lies. The allegations are nothing new - they had been circulating among the Washington media for months but were never brought up because nothing could be verified. Let that sink in - for months professional journalists had the opportunity to verify the allegations but they could not. Why weren't they verified? The Occam's razor explanation would be BECAUSE THEY JUST AREN'T TRUE!

And now any "journalist" that joined in on the Twitter Golden Shower joke fest yesterday has called into question not just their own professionalism and bias but also the credibility of whatever news organization employs them. There will be ramifications.

At the very least say goodbye to the "Nerd Prom". The White House Correspondent's Dinner should have been ended years ago. Now it is absolutely done. And if the correspondents decide to go it alone without the President? They'll just look petty and cruel - which may be what they are at their core anyway.

At the worst - President Trump may turn the White House Briefing Room back into a swimming pool.  If Trump decided to end the daily press briefings and pool reporters traveling with him wherever he goes - who could really blame him? The White House could simply rely on press releases and maybe a weekly YouTube video from The Donald. If criticized President Trump could say that by doing just official press releases he is trying to eliminate the fake news and slander that is rampant in the Washington press. "Don't blame me" he'll  say, "blame the fabulists at BuzzFeed and The Rolling Stone, and all the others who can't be trusted to report the truth."

You know that the Golden Shower jokes will not go away. And Trump will now get to play the wounded husband and father. "My wife and children have to read these lies!" Middle America will not just feel his embarrassment but will also root for him to get even. When history asks how Trump's second term was made possible - Golden Showergate will be the starting point.

The Greenbrier Ghost

An interesting nugget of US history. The only instance of the testimony of a ghost making its way into a murder trial in US history. 

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- It's been a year since the death of David Bowie. Here's a list of his favorite 100 books.

- This doesn't bode well for the Texans

- Interesting

- Flaming Muffins would be a great name for a lesbian punk band.

- Cool flying car

- Some interesting German compound words

- Heh heh

Possum Kingdom - The Toadies

Just felt like hearing this song.

Cinderella

The story Cinderella was written in 1699 by a Frenchman named Charles Perrault. In the original story, Cinderella wore slippers made of squirrel fur but when the book was translated into English the word "vair" (squirrel fur) was mistranslated as "verre" (glass) and the rest is history.

Some Things You Can't Explain

Some things you can't explain.

Over the course of many years I have read and re-read both The Razor's Edge by W. Somerset Maugham and also Cannery Row by John Steinbeck. I've found Larry's "enlightenment" instructive and inspirational and Cannery Row is just a fun book to read over a couple summers days at the beach. I've also read many other books by both Maugham and Steinbeck - but never their masterpieces.

My friend Bill bristles when someone comments, for example, that a pitcher has just thrown "another masterpiece". There can only be one masterpiece. That's what makes it the "master" piece. The acknowledged masterpiece for Maugham is Of Human Bondage and for Steinbeck The Grapes of Wrath.  I've never read either book. Over the years I've bought several copies of each book but for whatever reason have never actually read them. I've tried several times to read James Joyce's masterpiece Ulysses and several times have failed. But with Joyce I can explain my failure - the book is just so dense. I have no such excuse for either Of Human Bondage or The Grapes of Wrath.

Some things you just can't explain.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

The biggest unanswered question from John Podesta's email hack is whether or not he ever got that knock-off Viagra he was looking for... Cool - NASA announces two new asteroid missions... "The best time for a man to do Kegel exercises is while he urinates." - John Kerry...  Heh heh... Death Waltz would be a great name for a heavy metal Lawrence Welk cover band... This is quite a hiking accomplishment... Speaking of unanswered questions - is Brian Urlacher still rocking the suddenly found hair he had going on last January?... Tommy Heinsohn is the best... Speaking of band names - Vengeance Quakers would be a good name for a band... I still say that salad bars should be renamed "vegetable buffets"...  Cool... People forget that 2016 started with the death of the immortal Abe Vigoda. It is possible that so many celebrities died last year as revenge from the Angel of Death who was finally able to defeat the Great Vigoda...

Origin of the Poolroom

Back in the day before state run lotteries - local bookies would run numbers games and these tickets for the "pool" were often sold in a "poolroom". The numbers would be drawn once or twice a day and in order to fill the time between drawings - the operators at many locations put in billiards tables. Billiards was changed or Americanized by adding pockets and creating the game pocket billiards which we now know simply as pool.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- Yeah I think I'm going to eliminate Vermont maple syrup from my diet after seeing this.

- I love Arnold

- This is hilarious!

- Very cool! I'm sure we will hear much more about this new star as we get closer to 2022.

- It was only a matter of time. For the first time streaming eclipses disc sales in 2016.

- How to live a creative life

The Armada by Garrett Mattingly

I think most people who are familiar with the story of the Spanish Armada have the impression that the story went something like this;

In 1588 the Catholic Spanish King sent a fleet of ships bigger than anything ever previously assembled to Protestant England in order to crush the English military and remove Queen Elizabeth from the throne. However, the smaller, faster English fleet coupled with a major storm combined to defeat the Armada and usher in a new era of Rule Britannia.

The true story is much different. The two fleets were actually pretty fairly matched and in the end it was a lack of provisions (especially gun powder and cannon balls) that caused the Spanish defeat. The Spanish ran out of ammunition and the English at the end were able to hammer away at the Armada from close range with devastating effects.

The battle and the results didn't much change the balance of power between England and Spain but surprisingly it had great political ramifications in France.

Garrett Mattingly tells this true story in his fascinating 1959 book The Armada. I highly recommend this book to fans of military or world history. Thank you to whoever first recommended this book to me.

Flotsam and Jetsam

Miscellaneous thoughts and observations.

I was at the game in Miami this weekend where Tom Brady passed Dolphins legend Dan Marino on the all-time passing yards list. No public announcement was made. I thought that was very disrespectful to both players... Heh heh... With Bob Dylan being named a Nobel Prize winner in 2016 - can Alice Cooper being named US Poet Laureate in 2017 be far behind?... Size matters... When people ask me if I've seen Rogue One I always respond, "No - how does it compare to the original Spy Kids?" just to confuse people... Speaking of Tom Brady - good take on how Roger Goodell actually helped the Patriots by being such a jackhole... I would love if MLB would start referring to left-handed pitchers as "Left-wingers" and right-handed pitchers as "Right-wingers" just to mess with people...  How about "NO THANK YOU!"... I think the owl on Hooter's logo - one eye should be colored pink and the other brown. Who's with me?... Ummm...

New Year's Resolutions

A little late to the game on this but here's my New Year's resolutions (in no particular order):

- I want to read 30 pages of a book a day (found that a book a week was impractical because most of the books I read are too thick to manage that)

- Try to eliminate liquid calories from my diet with the exceptions of beer and coffee (or in other words just drink more water)

- Try to eliminate "white" carbs from my diet (bread, pasta, rice, etc.)

- Exercise for an hour a day (even if it's just going for an hour-long walk)

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- Why was Carrier moving to Mexico in the first place? Out of control federal regulations are the root problem

- Heh heh

- Very amusing story about librarians going old school to save some of their favorite titles

- I laughed way too much at this

- Carrie Fisher script doctor extraordinaire

- It's funny because it's true

Milt Schmidt

Hockey and Boston lost a legend yesterday as Milt Schmidt passed away at age 98. Bruins fans revered Schmidt not just because of his playing, coaching and stint as GM with the team but more so because of the type of person he was. Schmidt was a humble, tough, hardworking man who remained a part of the local community long after his playing days were over. And when Canada went to War - Schmidt was there to answer that call serving 3-years during World War II in the Canadian Royal Air Force.

Here's a fairly recent (2015) interview with the legend.

Linky Links

Stuff I found interesting or amusing and thought I'd share.

- Nice profile of Michael Keaton

- Edward Snowden is not a "whistleblower" - he's a traitor and wannabe James Bond.

- Interesting - was the Isaiah Thomas deal a "better" trade for Danny Ainge than the Kevin Garnett trade?

- Some fairy tales may be 6,000 years old.

- In 2017 I want to be "the man in the arena"

- Interesting reference guide.

- WTF! A Caffeine DUI?